Nasty sister.

[benmaise]

I am 80. I have a very nasty narcissistic sister who is 64. She has told lies about my daughter and me. We have cut her off completely. We have helped her so much in the past . We found out a couple of years ago how nasty she is. Most people think she is lovely. I dread seeing her as she laughs at me. I get anxious and panicky when I do see her. Family members don't want to know us as she has lied about us. She was always spoiled and the youngest of our large family. I wish I knew a way of coping when I bump into her.

[012703060610]

That's quite the age gap to contend with. One of my sisters and her daughter spent years lying about various things. My sister would just assume her daughter was right. It is awful when you put so much energy into someone or something just to be so deeply hurt later. I did cut them out of my life for about three years. My other sister will not talk at all about them. I recently went on a forgiveness journey and toxic friend dump. Some people, the issue was me as I'm depressed and missing messages. However, dumping the toxic friends hurt for a week maybe and then suddenly a huge weight lifted. These people can't disappoint me if I don't let them have that power over me. I realized I was doing more for the toxic people than the genuine people in my life. My circle is small now, I will have to learn to make friends again. Not even sure how to do it really. Long story short, if you are suffering so much, it is ok to take a break. I forgave my sister and niece (who had signs of finally maturing). What is it, cut off your nose to spite your face......now the other sister won't talk to me because I'm back talking to the others! Your happiness, your inner peace. The best way to deal with her is with one word answers if needed and to avoid. Or short responses non committal. Don't give her an ounce of the joy you deserve. She likely knows she has this power and that has to end. Family dynamics are brutal.

[012703060610 in reply to 012703060610]

BTW-I am the youngest of three but only by 7 years or so.

[kimmi61 in reply to 012703060610]

I also have a sister who is a narcissist and is absolutely horrible to, everyone. She has no friends and cant understand that it is because if her awful behaviour.I used to feel sorry for her and tried to be friends with her, but it just didn't work. She is too hard to be around and is so abusive.

I cut her out of my life, as did my other sister. We just got so tired of the drama, lies, and violence that came with her.

Counseling has not helped her at this stage, but I suspect that she did not attend as she promised.

I just can't love her anymore, but I do hope that she can find some happiness somewhere or at least, some peace. Please.🙏

[catsrock in reply to kimmi61]

kimmi61 - I have the exact same story about my sister. I'm estranged from her because I got fed up with the abuse. It's been hard, but I can't be around her.

[Ryanlion]

Narcisists dont change, they have to be centre of attention or they will be nasty. If you bump into her , just walk on by as if she is not there. That will kill her. Dont worry about the lies she has told others, the truth will come out in the end. I have a brother like narcisist who was spoilt as a child. He grew up a nightmare. When my parents died he lied to everyone ' saying he was willed the house and we were fighting to get it off him'. The truth was that my mother willed it to be sold and we were all to receive an equal share. The truth came out in the end and no one has anything to do with him overthere now. It is sad because i dont know if narcisists know they are horrible, they have an underlying belief that they deserve everything and are superior to others. I still have contact with my brother but only minimal purely because i feel sorry for him. They are to be pitied in my eyes, how can they ever be happy.

[KiminWis]

I too have a narcissistic sister. I went no contact back in 2015. When I need to see her at family gatherings, I avoid being near her, I avoid being alone with her( don’t meet in the hall returning from the restroom, etc) if I happen to be in the same conversation circle with her, I stick to what I call the “good neighbor policy” i.e. pleasant, hi how are you,discuss nothing more than the weather and other superficial issues like “this pie is really good.” I always know where she is in the room so I can stay a safe distance away. I have no interest in repairing our relationship. This is the new norm.

[benmaise in reply to KiminWis]

I'ts nice to know someone who understands what it's like to have a member of your own family that can be like that.