Is my sister repeating history?

[Kaashi_Reads]

I have a younger sister. Through the previous posts you would know that my younger brother is undergoing chemotherapy treatment for almost 7 months now.

So this post is dedicated to my sister. I came across something shocking. She is around 12. And has been the life of the party. She is a jolly person....that's what I thought until just now. When I read her diary.

It feels sinister to read it but I had to keep an eye on her. She recently started talking to a boy she met on a gaming app.

I wouldn't tell my mom about it because she would create a havoc and would think this is a crime commited by my sister.But there is a generation gap , she wouldn't understand the changes my sister is going through while she enters her teenage years.

She has been deprived of attention since my brother's news. And I think that caused a change in her behaviour and her emotional status. I see more of my remorse attitude in her . I see there is a sad side to her too. While she shows up all funny and humourous to us.

Her diary talks a lot about how my mom scolds her for anything. How my mom makes her feel which is nothing good to talk about.

I was at that stage at that age too. I had a diary too where I would spill my agression towards my mom but I always thought I was a bit of a loner myself. I never thought my sister would feel the same when we are exact opposite.

I was an introvert at that time and she is an extrovert and she is the one who has always argued to mom then why would she write such sad things? She wrote she means nothing to the family. She is garbage. She has no purpose to live .

Why?

And I didn't have an elder person with me to understand what I was going through. But she has me . Why wouldn't she talk to me?

I think she believes we have a generation gap too.

But I feel failed as a person. I vowed I would be nothing like my mom , the inapproachable , unavailable person that she is. But I see I am becoming like her. And I am perceived to be like her .

I wish I was there for my sister before. But I thought she was hard stuff. She has always been like a warrior not to mention she is also a martial artist.

About the boy , I wouldn't say much . He has been respectful as much as I eavesdrop and scan through their chats.

And at that age, even I craved for someone who would hear me out but , the internet wasn't so popular then. I invested all my time in romance novels. Those fictional boys became my fantasy.

The matter is what should I do ? Should I intervene or just leave it like that.

The boy was never the issue the issue was how much she shares with him. Now the issue is how should I save her mental and emotional state?

After reading her diary . I realise how much we can hide from our own family. How much damage a dysfunctional family can do.

And something that is inevitable is the trauma that she carries now would take a long time to declutter until then it will influence her decisions really badly.

My mother still believes my sister is the strongest of her. For a while I thought I would share her diary with my mom and prove what a sorry mother she has been. But those are my sister's private material. I may have read that but my mother is far less deserving to read that stuff. And I don't know how she would handle that.

[Dolphin14]

There is a big age spread between you and your sister isn't there? Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable coming to you.

Wasn't her diary hidden?

Is there anything in the diary that is concerning for your sisters safety?

🐬

[Kaashi_Reads in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes the diary was hidden. I knew where to find it.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Kaashi_Reads]

Are you reading that she's in danger?

[cashew78]

Have you considered talking to her and letting her know that you will be there for her when she needs you? This is the stance I had to force myself to take with a family member when all I wanted to do was to tell her what to do, ignoring what she said and what she needed. She was literally having, for lack of a better term, a complete psychotic break and I was present, but I wasn't listening. I was trying to force her to do things for herself without appreciating where she was and what she was going through. This isn't the same situation, so you know best what you can do. Perhaps making yourself available and present, no expectations and plenty of patience, could help.

[hypercat54]

I thought your brother who was undergoing chemo was 12? Are they twins?

[sunshinefan]

Can you talk to your sister and tell her you are there for her no matter what? That you are available for her to talk to you about whatever? I don't have any siblings so I am probably not the best person to respond, but I just wanted you to know I am here.

[Cookie2217]

Hi there yes you definitely have to intervene with your younger sister she is crying out for help to her diary saying that she has no reason to live so she has suicidal ideation right now and you could start off by saying you know I've noticed that you've not been yourself lately is there anything that I could help you with? Really get into talking to her a lot spend time with her take her somewhere let her know how much you love her and that you see her changing and it scares you and you would never want her to do anything to hurt herself in any way you never know she might open up to you and tell you everything which I'm hoping for here. Your sister needs you there I have a sister that's 2 years older than me and she's never stuck up for me always this judgmental of me and when I try to tell her about my past she says for me to just get over it she's very uncaring and she doesn't have a compassionate bone in her body. I get along better with my sister Kelly who's 10 years older than me I can tell her everything and anything without the fear of her judging me so I'm closer to Kelly than to my sister Maureen. I happen to live with Maureen right now or else I'd be homeless and she hasn't been very welcoming and complain to my friend that her son doesn't have his privacy I live in her basement and rarely spend time upstairs so I don't invade anybody's privacy I'm here because I'd be on the street but I'm planning to leave here by July or September she hasn't made our time here easy at all and we got into an argument last Saturday and I told her that exactly and she said I let you live here isn't that enough and I'm like no the way that you speak down to Paul my husband and I is very hurtful. She even came down here with flashlights and had her son taking pictures of stains on the carpet from my cat we've cleaned it all up and used a wet vac so it's completely clean now but she didn't have to take pictures what was she planning to do to charge me for a carpet. I pay $300 a month to live here because her mortgage is only $900 a month and my sister Kelly thought that this would be a win-win situation because Maureen could use the money and I could use the shelter but it's turned out that it's been very hard living here I was in a deep dark depression from the minute I got here until just about 2 weeks ago when I finally stopped living in the Darkness because I was so distraught I thought there was no reason for me to get up there's nothing to do it's so boring here the closest store is 35 minutes away from here it sucks here. But getting back to you and your sister you definitely don't tell her that you read her diary because that will break her trust in you and she will shut down and not talk to you anymore so just keep that to yourself but use the information that you know in order to help her best. Yes you're exactly right when you say history is repeating itself with your sister. Your mother seems to have not been the type of Mom that's really there for you or your sister which is sad for me to see but you could be a surrogate caregiver for your sister who will come to love you so much if you're there for her now she needs you so much now so be there for her in every way shape or form. I know that you'll do a good job because just by from what you wrote tells me that you're a compassionate and loving giving person you'll be just fine just start the conversation out with " I've noticed that you haven't been yourself lately and I'm worried about you" and see how things go from there. Please keep in touch and let me know how things work out. Wishing you peace and well-being.

[Kaashi_Reads in reply to Cookie2217]

Hello, thankyou for the advice, I also read you have had your share of bad days. I pray that you find a way to happiness and peace.

[Cookie2217 in reply to Kaashi_Reads]

Your welcome! Yes I've had a tough 4-year depressive episode which was extremely debilitating and heart wrenching for me to handle. Depression has stolen everything from me just about my job and then my place to live so I had a movie with my sister Maureen Pennsylvania and we live in her basement so the only place I have to go is up from here you can't get any worse than this well I guess it could living on the streets but I plan to buy a house in Florida so we don't have to worry about that ever happening. Thank you for your positive reply I appreciate it. Have a good one.

[Kaashi_Reads in reply to Cookie2217]

More power to you🤍

[Cookie2217 in reply to Kaashi_Reads]

Thank you so much! ❤️