Family Dynamics

[Uwharrieriver3944]

Today I'm feeling sad because one of my daughters hasn't been speaking to me for a few years and I heard from a friend she got married yesterday I knew it was coming however it has really hit me hard and I don't even know what I did wrong I'm seriously not I mean vindictive controlling or any of that stuff that people who ghost people say they have to get rid of the person because they are toxic I'm not toxic and I don't totally understand why I have been dumped it's awful when it's your own child and it used to be unheard of but now I've been reading that's more common than you think for family members not to speak to each other how does everyone deal with it?

[Good_for_us]

I’m so sorry your daughter hasn’t been talking to you. It has to be so painful, especially to hear about her getting married 😥 Do you have any idea what happened to start this and do you have any other children who can fill you in on what the problem is? I’m sure you would already have tried to find out, but just asking. I hope that you have very supportive friends and other family as well as a therapist who can help you with this. It would be terrible to get cut off from one of your kids or other loved ones. I’m sending you love and hugs.

[Uwharrieriver3944 in reply to Good_for_us]

Yes I know sort of what started all this..a sister on drugs broke us a ll up ..long story...2 sisters do not speak to the "drug" sister. Oldest sisters speaks to me drug sister speaks to me now after helping her get rehabbed etc..younger sister does not speak to me or "drug" sister...one day it will all get better...it was hard hearing that youngest sister got married....I had a melt down

[Cheetahone in reply to Uwharrieriver3944]

So sorry to hear that your daughter doesn’t speak to you. Perhaps and maybe you could reach out to her telling her congratulations on her wedding and how you are sorry that you missed it. Also let her know that you had to help your “drug” daughter as she is a troubled child of yours and you love her too. Let her know you want to be in her life and that you love her deeply, and hopefully she can let go of the past and start over with her new life and you. Hope this helps and don’t give up on your younger daughter. She has her own issues.

[Rufus07]

I’m so sorry you are going through this 😔. I don’t speak to my family members except for mom every now and again. There is no specific reason. We just aren’t and haven’t been for a long time close. I speak to or texted my daughter everyday but she doesn’t understand what I go through on a daily basis and just changes the subject if I try to talk about it. I’ve pretty much learned to just keep my mouth shut about my issues. No support on her part. It’s hurtful. But other than that, we have a good relationship. I text my son every night and tell him I love him but don’t talk that often. He knows he can call and I will always be here for him if he needs me.

[Rufus07]

for me it’s not a matter of having to deal with it, it just is what it is.

[LemonSpritz]

There is a sense of loss for all parties involved. Sometimes you can pinpoint specific reasons and other times it's just a culmination of events. I know one of my triggers are all the things that I'm supposed to just "get over it" that I can't. It's an imprinted lesson that others caused without accountability or apology. That sort of thing sticks with me as I'm sure it sticks to others.

That's not to say that an apology will make it better or that taking accountability will either. Sometimes talking can just make it worse. It can easily turn defensive and nasty towards each other.

Perhaps, consider just one person saying one thing that made them mad/hurt. No replies other than "I acknowledge what you've said". Take time to think about it, sit with it. It's very hard not to place blame/reasons why something happened. Maybe discuss the issue/incident with a therapist on your own.

No matter what you choose to do, please be patient with yourself and know who you can turn to if things become rough.

[Uwharrieriver3944 in reply to LemonSpritz]

Thank you!

[Dolphin14]

Uwharrieriver3944

This is so sad. I imagine this is very hurtful.

Would you think about reaching out to her now? Offering her congratulations or would that be more harmful to you?

🐬

[Uwharrieriver3944 in reply to Dolphin14]

I have done that many many times sent cards birthday cards Etc yes I just sent her money before the wedding I didn't even know she was having the wedding yet but no response it's okay I'm better now today

[Dolphin14 in reply to Uwharrieriver3944]

I am glad to heard you are better today

[Hidden]

Hi, Still dealing with it. So sorry about your daughter, it must be hard to get out of your mind, when you don't know why. She's still young, and things could change in the future. Maybe she;s wrapped up in the excitement of her life, and doesn't realize yet how devastating this would be for anybody. You're right - this used to be unheard of; I don't know why this has become so common, sadly. Last month I was Googling my family name, and up pops an obituary - my oldest brother had died, and had Parkinson's disease for years. I was stunned and hurt, no one bothered to tell me anything; there was no bad blood between us. A few years ago, I hadn't heard from my mother, so I Googled her name, - again an obit, my mother died! I was devastated. She had Alzheimers, and an older brother made himself power of attorney, took all money, houses, bank accounts, and hid her away in a nursing home, to die alone, no funeral, straight to the crematory. That was 2015, and I wonder if I;ll ever get over it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know you are not alone, It's so very painful, and I feel your pain. I hope the future holds good news for you and your daughter.

[Rufus07 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry you found out about your relatives the way you did. That must have been so hurtful.

[Hidden in reply to Rufus07]

Thank you, I'm getting better about it...... I also found out about my sister-in-law that way; she was young and full of life and I liked her. Still hard to believe. My family had all kinds of abuse going on for years. That's the cause of all this hurtful behavior. I appreciate your comments and kindness.

[Rufus07 in reply to Hidden]

You’re welcome

[Cpearl in reply to Hidden]

My heart breaks for you. I've been through similar with my late husbands family. His brother took POA over their mother and when she passed away my husband would not have known except my father took the local newspaper and saw the obituary. In the obituary his brother even omitted my last husband as a son of his mother. And my late husband's oldest son from a previous marriage had cut off all contact with my late, refusing to come and visit because he hated me. To the point he never came to see him before he died. This son's hatred has been fueled over the years by my late's brother. Long story but sometimes family can be so hurtful!

[Hidden in reply to Cpearl]

Thank you for this...luckily I'm not hurting for money, but it's amazing that this is even possible' never heard of it. I naturally called the police when I saw this was happening. They don;t even care & won't do anything! A civil matter, they say - get a lawyer. I say, since when is stealing NOT a crime? That shows you how rampant this problem is - the police don;t have time to deal with all of this. I don;t know how these people sleep at night. Our elderly really have no protection against being hurt like this. Thank you for your kindness,

[Midori]

I know how you feel, My daughter would never visit me after she got married. She would go to her inlaws, who lived in the same street as, me but if I wanted to see her and my grandson I had to go to her, despite being physically disabled.

When I moved she kicked up a stink, but she still makes no effort to contact me, even by phone.

Cheers, Midori

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can't imagine how hard it is. I hope you find some answers soon and are able to resolve things with her.