Hey guys!. I need some help and advice. I have been depressed since I was 7 years old (20 now). The reason for my depression was my parents really never cared about me ever since, they have super high expectations on me since my family was known for being really smart and have achieved many things in life. They always compare me with my cousin who was a valedictorian back then, even though my grades are high they always compare me to my cousin which all of her grades are always perfect, and on top of that they always beat me up to death because they always tell me I am a disappointment in the family and that I should die because I am worthless. I always thought of my self as a tool just to keep the family reputation. I never really got congratulated for my achievements, I never a received a single compliment from them. I always got locked in my room to study everyday. I was always depressed back then until today but now its getting worse and I always keep making the worst decisions that resulted in suicidal attempts. I have a girlfriend that supported me all the time. She helped me a ton to forget about my past, but I cant control my emotions anymore and I am already reaching my breaking point. I already attempted suicide many times. My mind was extremely tired than before. Everyday I just kept fighting to survive because I don't want my girlfriends effort to go waste. I keep getting worse in our relationship, now we are on a timeout because she is tired because of me. I agreed for a timeout but I keep breaking her space, I don't know if it is a response due to trauma or I am just too attached, because if I lose her I'm afraid of what I can do to myself, I'm afraid because I can throw my life without a second thought because she is the only one that I trust. I can't even move forward because I don't really know what i should do anymore. Everyday my mind is just rotting and I am just waiting to die.
Depressed and suicidal: Hey guys!. I... - Anxiety and Depre...
Depressed and suicidal
Jayy09
Welcome to the community. We are here to support you but it does sound like you may be in crisis? I don't know which country you are in. If you feel like you are going to self harm please reach out to a hot line or emergency services.
Are you in therapy?
🐬
Hello Doplhin14. Thanks for the response. I am from the Philippines. I already reached out to our emergency services but they never did anything. I am not in therapy. I cant afford therapy right now my parents really don't care.
I'm so sorry you did t get any help.
What about school counselors?
You must feel very alone 
I don't go to school anymore. I already decided to not follow my parents' tyranny anymore. Right now I' am just isolated in my room everyday waiting for my girlfriend to comeback. It's actually very lonely, I always loved gaming, but right now I'm not even in the mood to do my favorite hobby.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and has been for a very long time.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with all that. Shame on your family for putting so much pressure on you and not embracing you for the special person you are. I have friends who have experienced similar situations, mostly because of their cultural expectations and how they “look” to other families. It truly is so sad and a waste of time. I have been in a similar depressed, stuck situation where I had no clue where to go from there and also wanted to take my life. If I could go back and tell that girl to hold tight because things were going to turn out wonderfully, she would have NEVER believed me. I struggle with anxiety and agoraphobia now, but today I have a partner who understands and helps me during those times. Not saying your girlfriend at the time didn’t want to help or see things through, it can be overwhelming to those who don’t understand depression and anxiety. In my heart I believe everything happens for a reason. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. What helped me 7 years ago was leaving my ex (he was very toxic) and being single for a year and a half. I found shows I liked, started reading again, got into healthy eating - things I could control and do alone and enjoy. Those things are different from person to person. I’d really like to start some kind of zoom support group where people can speak to others once a week or so. I only joined this site yesterday so I’m still trying to figure out how it all works. Maybe there’s already a group that does those kind of online meetings. I just hope that you don’t give in to your pain and fear. We are all here for you and send prayers your way 🤍 You are stronger than you know.
Thank you for responding KC!. I'm sorry you for what you have to go through before. I hope everything will be alright for you now♥️. I just got an update from my girlfriend and she said we could have a date on friday. I also joined this site this day, and a zoom support group would be great to get in touch with people like us. Cheers! Have a great day man and thanks for the support and advices <3
Decide that you are going to do what only interests you. Whether working in zoo, pet shop or gym instructor or any job that keeps you motivated. And build your life on what truly inspires you. Now is the time to be you. My brother is working at Museum and that after nor having many qualifications. He simply enjoys it and that's why he does it. I've got grinding job but I enjoyed voluntary work and that time I still remember and that's what got me into the Care Industry. Sure it easy job but you have to stick with what you truly believe in and it will work out. Go find yourself and good luck
That's a great advice. I'll remember it and keep it to heart. I'll always keep myself in check and prioritize what makes me happy. Thanks for the advice <3
I know folk who come from countries where the whole family's reputation is based on 'One-upping' the next family. It is a very destructive pattern, with many suicides or murders of children who 'bring shame' on their family, by being disabled, either mentally or physically. It is cruel and unnecessary, as is the forced marriages in some cultures. The 'Honour' culture is cruel.
You are old enough to leave your family as soon as you finish your studies. I don't know how much longer your course lasts and what you would like as a career, but I wish you all the luck there is in this world that you find it.
Cheers, Midori
welcome. Im sorry your family have hurt you so badly. You are an adult now and don’t have to put up with it anymore. Make yourself a priority! What is your passion? Strive for it! Put the negative thoughts in the back of your mind and focus on the positives you can achieve! Remember you are doing it for yourself, not for anyone else’s approval. Your gf sounds like she is willing to help you. Again welcome! We are always here
Deeply depressed😭
suicidal ideation 
Happy thanksgiving!!
Im nobody. Insignificant. Everyone is fed up of me. Im not important to anyone. Im a burden. The last choice. The 1 nobody wants in the team
