suicidal ideation

I’m in depression recovery but trip and fall at times and it’s usually a hard fall.

I just really feel useless and a bother. Nothing I say or do is right. I have no one to talk to besides my therapist because I have no friends and my small family are the people who say shit to remind me that I fucked up again.

even though my family gives me shit, they are the reason that I really don’t take my life. I don’t even know if I’d have the balls to do it or not. So I sit here and think about how exhausting my brain is and how much everyone’s life would be easier without me.

anyway, don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything but I was told to reach out when I was in need

[Hidden]

Don't think you shouldn't be here, you hav as much right to exist as anyone else.

Your familys lives wouldn't be easier if you weren't here. They would be upset beyond your comprehension.

[WastedDays]

Sister, you are not alone in this. My heart goes out to you wherever you are. I have been battling the same feelings you have about self worth for to long now. I can relate, sometimes family does not understand the sickness of depression but they want to be there for you and sometimes they are not the type of support you need. I would try and reach out as much as you can to your peer community, like this platform. Another great resource is the DBSA zoom meetings through the week. The more you can associate and communicate with people that are going through the same struggles we are, the less you will feel alone in your battle.

[Hidden in reply to WastedDays]

tell me more about the zoom meetings please

[WastedDays in reply to Hidden]

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

heypeers.com/organizations/...

[Hidden in reply to WastedDays]

is this helpful if I don’t have bipolar disorder?

[WastedDays in reply to Hidden]

It should. It doesn’t have to be specific to any particular diagnosis. It’s a safe place to listen and share about living with a mood disorder and coping.

[Hidden in reply to WastedDays]

I’m looking into it

[Hidden]

I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. I understand suicidal ideation all too well. Also, I could've written your post bc I'm familiar with those feelings and thoughts.

But you know what?

It's gonna be ok and you're safe here. It gets better and sometimes we have bad days and that's ok. Hugs

[012703060610]

You've got a strong community here to support. I think a lot of us could have written that post on many days. I know I was there just a few short days ago myself.

[Jackelope]

I have almost no one for support as well. For me, it's the most difficult aspect of my existence. I feel the same way in regards to half wishing to no longer be here also. I started talking with a therapist a couple months ago, but it doesn't seem like that's going to help improve the situation much. It's sad to relate with another in this way.

[Hidden in reply to Jackelope]

I’m not sure why this happens to me since I know the truth about myself. I just get so beat down that I can’t lift my head anymore

[Jackelope]

Our lives and our minds are endlessly complex. I think it's unlikely anyone could ever know what causes someone else to think or feel the way they do, people in the healthcare field included, though most of them probably have more insight than those of us who have no training in that area. The source of my misery is just isolation.

[Hidden in reply to Jackelope]

I just don’t feel good enough. For my kids, my husband, friends (probably why mine all left me) I’m always doing or saying something wrong.

[Jackelope]

wrong?

[Weatherwoman in reply to Jackelope]

I can relate to these posts. It's sad that, at times, we take other's opinions of us that are negative in thier minds, and take them in to define us. I am, currently, living with my Brother & Sister-in-law as I became homeless after my Sig. Other passed away last Nov. It's a long story re. having to sell the house; but, now I have to Temporarily live with my Bro. & Sis-in-law. I am thankful that they are "taking me in," but we are Worlds apart. They are both very critical & judgemental people, and I have never been friends with them as they have always put me down, & I have never felt okay around them. My Sig. Other of 27 years felt the same way about them, and they never gave him a chance, just kept their critical eye on him! We (my Sig. Other & I ) both suffered from an Anxiety Disorder which was Never understood, and I could not explain. Anyway, I do know that my self esteem suffers around them & I feel more anxious & nervous around them. I always felt good arond my Sig. Other, around all my friends, and others. So, I am aware that I "take in" Their opinion of me, and it hurts, and makes me feel Awful. I don't know, exactly, how to deal with this --it seem that, in a way, how we feel around others, and how other's act around us makes a difference.

[Hidden in reply to Weatherwoman]

This sounds like a mentally exhausting situation. I hope it gets better soon for you

[Weatherwoman in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your post. Yes, I hope so that things improve. I need to "consider the source" re. my Brother & Sister-in-law --they've always been the way I described, and have even gotten worse. I need to keep reminding myself that my living situation is Temporary, and trying & hoping I can get my Own place, and it won't take too long. Meantime, I will try getting out of the house more. Thanks for your support.

[Hidden]

IF ANYONE IS LISTENING… EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS FINE AND I HAVE STARTED TO RECOVER AGAIN! THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS.