Help me pls

[Alll123]

Well, Last year was a time when it was my last year in school, and this year’s grades determined whether I would enter a university or not. I did not fail, but my percentage was bad, it was 64%, which is a percentage that almost does not allow me to study in a university, just college, and my family got angry and made me repeat it. year to get higher grades and even when I repeated the year I was not that good, there are three exams left and the pressure on my head cannot bear to touch the book because I just keep doing poorly, and the reason is that the education system is very failed, I mean, all the questions come from outside the curriculum, that is, you I barely succeed at all, and my home environment is not calm for me to study well, and I am not a genius to be able to solve something outside, and they make us test with a very, very, very long subject during a very short study period, so I hated education, I hated education because of them, I cannot bear it any longer, I'm crying everyday, I'm on situation that I can't study anymore I'm scared I'm depressed I'm tired, And I've been thinking about suicide lately, Some may think it's not worth it, but being with such torture and psychological pressure is not easy it's not easy it's actually killing me pls help me before I end my life, sometime I don't feel like I want to die but I just want to live normally agian but it's not working it's not working, Not to mention my other depressive things, such as being poor, such as my family being incomprehensible and severe, like hating how I look and look, Sometimes I think like, does God hate me? I am ugly, fat, disgusting, my family hates me, poor, and now a school failure?Am I just a cursed person maybe? All this while I am only 18 years old, what will happen in the future?

[Username1114]

I understand what you are going through. But trust me things will get better. Give yourself time. During this phase all you need is compassion for yourself so think of how you would treat your best friend if she comes with the same thought process, I guess you would be more empathetic towards her right? So be that for yourself, I know it sounds easy but trust me it helps. I have experienced similar issues in the past and I know how difficult it is to counter these negative thoughts.

But one thing that helped me a lot is reminding myself again and again that "thoughts are not fact", thoughts like I am cursed or I am a failure, they may sound true but if you look closely they are not fact. You will find so many small wins that you achieve everyday even if it is as simple as waking up and brushing teeth. Which is evidence that you are winning not losing.

YOU ARE NOT CURSED/FAILURE/UGLY or any other label. You are a person who is right now suffering but still have courage to acknowledge that suffering. The fact that you asked for help her is the evidence that YOU ARE BRAVE AND YOU HAVE HOPE so listen this from me - Academic setbacks don't define you..you are good enough.

Sending more power to you. Be kind to yourself and take care

[Alll123 in reply to Username1114]

But the reality is very different. You, as a conscious person, will see it that way but my parents are not conscious. I still can't forget when my father told me, “Shut up. You don’t want anything even when you are stupid?” Something broke in me. I used to hear, “You are smart.” ", "An outstanding person", "I like the way you think", "You are smarter than the teacher", then 64%? Really ?64%? Even when I repeated the year, I could not study well due to depression, and I think I got the same percentage as well. I am hurt, I am devastated.

[PugMom1968]

The advice I would give you because I too was in your exact shoes it to reach out to someone at school. Is there a teacher you like? Is there an onsite counselor? Even go to the Prinicpal if all else fails. These people should be there to help you be the best you can be. They can help get you the extra help you need in your classes. They can arrange a study partner for you. Believe me I was on your exact shoes. I’ll be 56 soon. I also didn’t graduate with the best grades. I didn’t come from a family who had a ton of money. So I enrolled in Summer school at my local Junior college literally a month after I graduated from HighSchool. I took an Algebra class. I hated math. It was an awesome experience. After 4 years of working part time and going to Junior College full time I transferred to a 4 year university. I studied hard. I took a class on how to study and take notes. I finished there in 2 years (total of 6 years). I’m the only one in my family with a degree. It can be done and this is only temporary. There are still sooooo many joys to be had in your life. Don’t give up.

[Alll123 in reply to PugMom1968]

There's no one to help me, I'm talking here because I can't actually speak, my parents don't understand so even if I talk they think it's ironic, they don't accept me working and going to a private university and paying for myself, they don't accept anything, they're very controlled, they just say, "Repeat the year again .", like do u think it's really easy I'v already lost a year and now another? Till what? How could this be my fault if the education system is bad, and no one is helping?

[PugMom1968 in reply to Alll123]

do you live in the US? When do you turn 18? When you are 18 you have some rights. You can quit school, suffer the wrath of your parents. They can’t beat you because you can call the cops. They can change the locks on the house and not let you back in. Write a list of what you can control and what you can’t control. Join the military when you’re 18. Again there are soooo many more options than killing yourself. Also, when you are 18 seek out a psychiatrist that can help you with handling life’s problems. They can teach you the right way to resolve issues. You can get welfare and free medical when you have no job at least in the US.

[Alll123 in reply to PugMom1968]

I'm already 18 I'm gonna turn 19 in November, and nah I don't live in the US I'm in Asian country, I don't have money to go to psychiatric care, my country has no free treatments, everything is just bad in every way, and I can't report my parents if they prevent me from working or otherwise, because our police are not strong, I will then be tortured at home for the rest of my life, Also, I love my mother, I can't report her, she didn't do anything and she didn't stop me from anything. The problem lies with my parents, I really don't know. I'll wait for the results first, then I'll determine if I want to live or not

[PugMom1968 in reply to Alll123]

I’m really hoping you have good results. I don’t know you but I want the best for you. Life can be very hard I know.

[Pretzelmind]

Don’t despair. I swear things will get better for you. Just keep plugging away. Can you go to a college and then transfer? Can you take a year off then apply to schools? If you can’t talk to your family, or one family member about how you are feeling, find a teacher or counselor or friend for support. Things do get better. It’s not unusual to have school Burn out and stress at your age. Some folks just need a little change or break and then get back to it. Talk to a doctor if your mental health is suffering. Group counseling would be exceptional for you right now. It doesn’t feel like it, but things WILL get better for you. You’re in a temporary rough spot. Hang in there, you’re not alone.

[Alll123 in reply to Pretzelmind]

I don't know if I even made it this time or not, to think about it, I just wish I could die.

[Spud-u-Like1982]

Firstly, you are clearly smart! The way you write demonstrates that. Is it a cultural thing? I ask that, as I worked with a Malaysian (Chinese Malaysian) woman who was easily the smartest person in our entire office, but she classed herself as being stupid, which she definitely wasn't. Her Parents thought because she wasn't a Doctor, a Lawyer or a Politician, unlike her siblings, that she was a failure. Trust me, she wasn't. I struggled with some of the work and she spent 3 hours with me one day and helped me learn. She was so smart and the hardest worker in our team.Do you have any mental health charities near you? Even international charities may have a mental health assistance department. If you do, maybe go and speak to someone there. All you need is a little quiet study time.

You shouldn't put yourself down, but I know that's easier said than done. If you're feeling so bad you're thinking such dark things, definitely try and speak to a mental health charity for support. We are all here too, if you need to vent. Please don't think of doing anything drastic, as you're young, smart and definitely have alot of potential. I also say this as someone who attempted suicide when I was 15 as a result bullying and struggling at school and I instantly regretted that decision - and I mean instantly! Think about yourself and think about YOUR future, as it's not your Father's future, IT'S YOURS! You sound like you have alot of potential, alot to give and the smarts to achieve it, so please don't despair and talk to us here if you need any advice.

[Alll123 in reply to Spud-u-Like1982]

How can I be smart when I always fail? How is this smart? I know that the exams are very difficult and the system is stupid, but there are still people who get high grades. How do they get this? I basically didn't put in enough effort, so I can't speak. I can't blame anyone but myself, but I swear to you that I was depressed. I could not study. Something was restricting me. My family might think that this was ridiculous and an excuse for a failed person who didn't t want to study. But I'm in pain. I'm in pain every day. No one realizes how bad it is. I've lost more than 13 kilos recently. My whole life is dark, and I know the solution. I want stability. I just want to enter university and settle down. Giving up the major of my dreams may be another kind of... The pain, but it is not worse than studying again. I swear to you, studying for these exams is the worst thing in my life. It is difficult, long. Everyone expects a result from you, and I really mean everyone. Everyone calls my parents and asks about my results. Everyone expects high marks and then... Then it's so bad, I'm even ashamed of myself, ashamed of myself for disappointing my poor mother, ashamed of myself for not trying hard enough, I'm tired, I just want it all to be over, I can't see the results again, I can't stand the results anymore. Bad again, basically this year I don't even know if I failed or passed. If I fail, I really have no choice but to study again, and this will be like torturing myself again. I will have wasted a year and a half, and I will have exhausted a huge part of my health. Why doesn't something good happen that changes my life? People all say, wait, you don't know how you'll get better later, but two years have passed...two years and I've been like this. “Education, university, admissions.” I swear, suicide is much easier than living like this. Suicide is a permanent solution to this problem and all other problems. As for the mental health charity, we don't have anything like this in my area, and I can't go further than this, because of my family I won't tell them, going to a place like a mental institution is something dramatic for them, They won't give me money, and even if it's free, no one will give me a ride, Life is so unfair, if everything in my life is bad why would I continue to live?, there are also many stories about people who grew up depressed because of their lives and bad luck, and also died like this, died the same way, life is not permanent so your life may be written to be sad, your fate is only sad, so why continue?

[Spud-u-Like1982 in reply to Alll123]

Apologies, I was only trying to be as constructive as I could be.

[Alll123 in reply to Spud-u-Like1982]

U don't need to apologise u didn't do anything wrong I'm sorry, I got excited because I was in pain and that's wrong.