Friendship Anxiety

[LookingUp8]

Hi! I’ve been very aware lately that one of my biggest anxieties is related to friendships. I find myself wondering if someone is talking badly about me, if someone actually likes me, if there is a group text that I have been left out of, etc. I don’t want to feel like I’m a petty teenager (I’m almost 40), but I can’t shake it. Does anyone else experience this? Better yet, does anyone know how to stop it? Thanks!!

[CD1202]

I’m struggling with friendship issues myself, the loss of a friend which I never experienced in my teenage years.

[LookingUp8 in reply to CD1202]

I’m so sorry. 😔

[CD1202 in reply to LookingUp8]

I just don’t understand why it’s affecting me so hard if I’m a little older.

[LookingUp8 in reply to CD1202]

I completely understand, CD1202! That’s what I’m dealing with also.

[venusofthenorth]

Friendships and relationships in general are a lot like negotiations. You love and appreciate your friends for a number of reasons, they love and appreciate you for a number of reasons (believe it or not, you're a lovely person) and the relationship itself is about offering both parties as much of personality to be appreciated with as little conflict as possible. Study, observe and mindfully take a look at how your social interactions function. When you get in touch with friends, how do you communicate? Where do you hang out? What do you do? What do you talk about? What differentiates on friend from another? How do all of these experiences make you feel? Sooner or later, you'll notice a pattern and you might want to start trusting that pattern, since you're no longer cooked up in your own anxieties and have experience to support your feelings. Once I started thinking about how my relationships worked I was a lot less anxious about friends in and of themselves and more concerned with making time to see them.

[LookingUp8 in reply to venusofthenorth]

I love this. Thank you.

[kenster1]

hi be assured if you are a good decent person then no one will be putting you down.be true to yourself do the right thing and if folk are talking about you then its for only good things.

[LookingUp8 in reply to kenster1]

The people who cause me the most anxiety are the friends who say awful things about other people (even close friends). Normally I would not choose to be friends with them, but I have to for the sake of my kids (they are friends with their kids). They are a very clicky group. I feel like I’m in high school. I’m also way too sensitive though.

[pamloveslemmy]

I used to feel this way when I was going through an anxiety disorder...could it be anxiety related?

[LookingUp8 in reply to pamloveslemmy]

Definitely. For some reason this is my main anxiety though. What did you do to overcome it?

[LookingUp8]

Definitely. For some reason this is my main anxiety though. What did you do to overcome it?

[Rachel2535]

Friendships are difficult. I have learned overtime that 2 or 3 true/good friends are all I need. Even 40 year old women tend to act like teens at times which is not a good thing :). Some of my best gal friends are ones I met at church or through my kids friends (their moms). We are all different and by the time we get to 40 we are most established in our routines and ways. Each one of us still has our insecurities and need to have a friend, but have to be careful with who :). -Rachel

[LookingUp8 in reply to Rachel2535]

I love this. Thank you, Rachel.