Thoughts: being critical and grateful

[amanda_alcazar]

I want to share some thoughts with you people.

I will always defend the necessity of being critical and not allowing injustice in our or other people's lives with the excuse that "it could be worse". So nothing of what I'm going to write applies in cases of mistreatment, labour exploitation, abuse or any other kind of social injustice or illness. This is one thing. But I believe it's good and important to be grateful and to relativise our "problems" which, many times, they are not problems at all but just tiny little stones on our way which just make our lives a bit less comfortable. Let's get over it.

I'm grateful to every person who ever reminded to me, whenever I was complaining about something stupid, that there are far more important things to worry about and many people with really bad things happening to them. I like this site and I like the support that people give to each other, but sometimes I can't help but feeling a bit of a shiver whenever somebody, often a teenager or a very young person, with a childish complaint (there's every now and then people posting really childish complaints here...) gets many "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this" kind of answers. It's dangerous that this site turns into a place where children or teenagers can come with any kind of complaints and they will all, no matter what, be admitted as valid complaints, when they should be helped to take responsibility and grow up. And not only children or teenagers, everybody for that matter.

Because we have to learn to distinguish what is important from what it's not, otherwise we all end up totally nuts.

Because it is just not true that all problems are equally grave or important.

I will be happy to read your thoughts on this. Thanks for reading this post.

[mirai]

I don't disagree with you, but I think it's too dangerous to go out assuming whether someone's 'problem' is worth the anguish it seems to be causing them, especially on the internet where you know next to nothing about them. I feel strongly about that especially because my whole life I considered depression and anxiety to be those kinds of problems, small stones in the path that the person just had to get over. It wasn't until I had depression and anxiety that I knew how significantly wrong I was.

In any case, because of our society's general lack of understanding of mental illness I think in general it's just better to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Downplaying the significance of someone's problems can be crippling to them and so few people know that and often fall into that mistake. I also think it could do a lot of good for the people on the other end, the ones making the comments of reassurance. Receiving comfort and love from others can do wonders for someone's mental health, but giving those things sincerely can as well, maybe even more so.

[amanda_alcazar in reply to mirai]

Thank you for your answer!

I was not at all talking about depression or anxiety, I don't consider them or other mental issues, for they are serious matters, I also know it for myself. I know it is important to recognize and care for mental disorders and it's true that they're often downplayed by society. But I still believe that, even loving and caring, we have to be critical with ourselves and with others, and I also find this helpful to overcome situations. Like it is not healthy that we blame everything we feel, say and do on our respective disorders, it's good to be a bit analytical and ask ourselves: can I work to change this feature of my character so that it becomes better for me and for others, beyond the fact that I have a mental issue?

I also think that sometimes simple sadness or sensitivity over normal life issues are pathologized in a way that turns pretty much everything "not nice" that happens to us into a mental disorder, which I find just insane, but this is maybe another topic.

Thanks again for answering.

[mirai in reply to amanda_alcazar]

This is well written and I agree wholeheartedly!

[gogogirl in reply to amanda_alcazar]

At the same time- I see what you are saying- sometimes it is just life! I read recently in Psychology Today that the DSM5 considers someone who has been depressed or anxious for over two weeks as having a pathology!!!! Two weeks- that's insane. Imagine losing a family member or a partner of many years and being devastated which would be normal and then told by your doctor that you now have an "illness" because you responded like a human being? Yes, that is how "insane" our society has become.

[amanda_alcazar in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you gogogirl, that's just what I meant.

[gogogirl in reply to amanda_alcazar]

And thank you for responding!

[gogogirl in reply to amanda_alcazar]

I also wanted to add: I have gotten some really good support here- unless someone is a therapist he/she should not be giving advice- especially since one does not really know the person . They can share what works for them and people can pick and choose what they relate to here if at all. Depression and anxiety and other issues have various causes and everyone here has had a different experience. I find myself that it is helpful to see that others actually have experienced ups and downs of life or that life has caught up to them, etc. These days especially with people being on phones or having the "busy" syndrome- it is nice to go to a site where one is not judged. I do understand that sometimes everything is pathologized for instance. Doctors sometimes want to hand out pills when someone may just be looking for some suggestions or support. Isolation is a big contributor of depression . Global financial downturn is another big contributor of course. So not all- but some doctors want to hand out pills while some people just want to be listened to and have support - in other words be human.

[gogogirl in reply to mirai]

Yes! NAMI affirms that as well.

[gogogirl in reply to mirai]

I agree with you here also- sometimes it can do wonders especially if people do not have much of support system and might just want to reach out. Blaming poor behavior and harming others on a disorder without responsibility is another matter entirely. Sometimes though people are overly critical for whatever reason or too much is out of control in life. Reaching out for any kind of help though is a big step - even admitting that someone does need help does.

[Hidden]

Hello Amanda!

Oftentimes, people replying here like to begin a conversation with some empathy and compassion allow the person to be heard and validated in their feelings. Then we go into the advice and suggestions on how to feel better!

[amanda_alcazar in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your answer!