I’m a married mum of 2 small kids in my mid 40s. I have been suffering with what I’d say is extreme anxiety for about 6 months pretty much every day. Butterflies in stomach, can’t concentrate properly at work, feel jittery, sometimes racing heart and feel like I can’t breathe or someone is choking me, fear and worry about the future.
I worry if my marriage is going to end (which neither of us want) and all the consequences that come with that. I think I’ve felt like my needs aren’t being fully met for quite some time but I’m so fixated on this I can’t think clearly and I don’t know if it’s the anxiety talking because there are so many good parts of the relationship which I seem to just forget. I’ve tried anti anxiety medication like propranolol, Xanax and bromazepan but felt like it made me even more anxious. I’m desperate to get rid of the anxiety so I can function properly. I feel like I’m less patient and irritable which makes me feel so guilty with the kids like I can’t be totally present with them.
I went through a very long IVF journey and now I’m taking hormone replacement therapy because GP thinks I’m in perimenopause which I definitely think is a contributing factor but it’s not just that.
I’ve had 2 psychologists tell me to go on antidepressants and next week I’ll speak to a psychiatrist for the first time to discuss this. I’m terrified of the side effects and particularly if I feel worse as already feel like I’m at breaking point. I also heard I may have to try a few before I start seeing results which also worries me about how I’ll cope.
I also don’t know whether antidepressants will work if my situation stays the same (ie if I stay married) or whether they will just numb my feelings. Maybe they’ll help me to see my situation differently, I’m not sure. I’m really scared to take an SSRI but I feel like I have no other choice.
If anyone has any words of wisdom I’d love to hear from you or suggestions on questions I should ask the psychiatrist.
Thank you for reading ❤️
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Sam55002
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I'm glad you've found this place to vent your feelings. I've been on antidepressants for a long time: Wellbutrin and Lexapro. It's really helped me and I hope it will help you, too. The psychiatrist will be better at prescribing the right one. With regards to dealing with your kids and guilt, most of us feel the same way...but social media can make us feel like crap. When I look at the posts online, I'm amazed at how some moms are showing off their kids like they are prize winners at the state fair. It's not real. Try to be kinder to yourself, motherhood is sacrificial. We give up a lot of ourself to care for others. Welcome to the group. 🥰
If you're feeling really low, you should give antidepressants a try. Tell your psychiatrist your concerns about taking an antidepressant and request starting at a low dose and gradually increasing to see how you feel on them. You have to be very patient as they can take some time to work. At the end of the day, if you[re really depressed and the med works, the side effects if tolerable may be worth it as side effects seem to diminish aver time. Best of luck to you.
Welcome to the community. You don't have anything to lose by giving them a try. They do wonders for some people and not much for others, if they dont work you can just stop taking them. I have been taking Mirtazapine and Ativan for a number of years for anxiety with no side effects. Hope you get the help you need and feel better.
Thank you and to everyone for your really helpful comments. I think what I’m struggling with is not knowing whether what I’m experiencing is situational depression (ie I need to change my situation before I will feel better and that maybe the medication won’t help because of that). I don’t know if the medication will help for situational depression. Sometimes when I distract myself I feel ok and certainly being around people who don’t know how I feel it’s easier to put on a brave face but I can’t around the people closest to me. Ugh it sucks. I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future!
Talk to the psychiatrist, see what they say. I am sure meds can help because there is such thing as seasonal depression. If you feel like you can, try the natural route first. See a naturopath. I have anxiety so I don’t know what natural substances work for depression but there are tons for anxiety.
I am currently in an anxiety episode myself and those intrusive thoughts are really powerful and can tell you the wildest things. I used to be convinced my husband would leave me because of my anxiety or if I dove into my spiritually I wouldn’t love him anymore. It’s important to remember your thoughts are just thought. Not always your thoughts. I just read in a book “your brain is just talking, it’s not talking to you. You don’t have to listen”. While I fully understand how when you are in the moment, that doesn’t help. It’s true.
Try to stay off the internet and forums searching about every symptom. It makes it sooo much worse. My symptoms get so physical that I can’t sit down. I pace and cry all day long.
I too am on anti depressants and it took me a long time to be okay with it. The stress that stress puts on your body is likely worse than the anti depressants. They do help me. If my stress limit surpasses the dose I’m on though, I struggle and have to increase it. There are side effects. I can only speak to Zoloft. With most ssri’s though, it often feels worse before it feels better because levels have to add up in your body. When I first started I was on 4 different ones so that made it really hard. It’s increased my anxiety, made me feel numb and I’m sure other things but after a few months those side effects went away.
I was pregnant while on them. We decided the stress that not being on the would put on my body was worse that what the ssri’s could do to the baby. My son is two and is a genius.
So long story short, there is no quick fix. They are all going to take time. However, I wished I had the chance to try the more naturally stuff first (ashwaganda etc). But I went into crisis mode too fast.
I was also put on Xanax 3 times a day which I hated! I have a family history of addiction so I am always watchful of that. But the Xanax helped me get by while the symptoms of the Zoloft were hard.
Currently it’s so bad again for me, I had to increase a few days to and I m using klonapin for while I’m spiraling.
I didn’t have to try a bunch before finding the right one. I did well with Zoloft right off the bat. I just had a bad psychiatrist that put me on too many different ones.
You’ve got this, stay strong. I’m struggling with you.
Oh gosh I’m so sorry, it sounds like you’re having such a tough time. Do you have people you can talk to when you’re having an anxiety episode? I hope you do.
I love that saying about the brain talking. I’m going to put that in my journal. I’ll certainly ask the psychiatrist about all the side effects and decide what to do from there. Good idea about the Natropath. I spoke to one a few months ago and got some herbs that really helped. Unfortunately as the Natropath is not near where I live I would have to pay to get them shipped which I think I’ll do.
Thanks so much. Actually that was the medication he recommended for me too. I haven’t started it yet because I’ve started taking some herbal stuff, doing therapy and a lot more exercise and I’m feeling much better.
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