Finally finding some peace: I’m finally... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Finally finding some peace

Shihtzu7 profile image

I’m finally coming to terms with accepting that I need to have my daughter out of my life. She’s 44, totally rejected and turned her back on me when I was depressed a year ago & took an overdose of pills. I had lost someone close to me & she knew it & I’d been down for months but she never cared or noticed. She’s always been toxic & I’ve always had to walk on eggshells around her. I’ve tried to contact her this past year to have us sit down & talk but she won’t take my call, won’t answer texts & rebuffs any suggestions her Dad makes. I’ve talked with my therapist & psychiatrist & both agree I’ve done all I can & it’s time for me to just take care of myself. I got so anxious about it last weekend I didn’t feel safe & my doctor hospitalized me for the weekend. That’s when I knew it had to stop. I’m now on meds for anxiety (as well as my depression) & feel better. I have no friends, no family but my husband. I have another daughter who lives a couple hours away who is a clinical psychologist...you would think she would be sympathetic & supportive...but she never even asks how I’m doing. Our only contact is when we FaceTime weekly so I can talk to my little granddaughters which I love. We go visit every 6 weeks or so but it’s all about the kids. But I’ll take what I can & love it.

Thanks for listening. By the way...I’m happy & keep busy with reading, crochet & coloring.

19 Replies

Sounds like you've made a wise decision. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing. (Your daughter reminds me of one one of my sisters!)

Shihtzu7 profile image
Shihtzu7 in reply to

Thank you. Hard decision to make but one that had to be done. Unfortunately she’s influenced her 3 teenage daughters

Well you're an inspiration,you've made difficult decisions and still remain positive.More power to you my lovely.☺

Shihtzu7 profile image
Shihtzu7 in reply to Fireking1

Thank you. Couldn’t have done it without the support of my wonderful husband. Trying to bring some sum into every day. Even have bought some plants & enjoy taking care of them & talking to them so they grow...lol

Thank you for sharing! We are powerless over people and their behaviors. I have an unhealthy friendship that I’ve been letting go of for the past several years. I’ve been filled with a lot of guilt. But continuously remind myself it’s OK to do what’s best for me. And that is not selfish.

Yes...my therapist keeps reminding me I only can control my behavior & what I do, no my daughter’s. I hope you continue on a good path of what is good for you

It’s easier said than done isn’t it? Especially for me, I’m always so concerned what others think. Even to my own detriment. Thankfully, I’ve had some healing and learning around that.

Yes it is. This past year has been a lot of learning and soul searching for me. Like how could I give up on my daughter & it would me losing touch with my granddaughters. But I’ve come to realize it’s her choice that this is happening. She’s in the “wrong”, not me. I can hold my head up that I tried repeatedly to repair & fix it. We need to look into ourselves and realize how strong we are and the goodness that is there...even if others try to tell us otherwise. Stay strong...you’re worth it

Unfortunately , we are limited to what we can do when it comes to our kids. Sounds like you’re kids need counseling also? And maybe there’s a thing going on in their lives that they don’t wanna talk about And somehow want to blame us? I’ve been there, My oldest daughter is married I don’t hear from her sometimes for months. She had called up one time many years ago telling me what a terrible parent I was with her fiancé at the time listening. I haven’t even met him yet and she told his mother yet. So when I finally met them I was treated very coldly. I was curious as to why she would want them to meet me after how badly a parent she said I was ? And besides our family and friends want nothing to do with us because of our anxiety cause they don’t know how to handle it? Your daughter who you said is a psychologist, they say Never treat a relative. My youngest daughter recently moved out, I’m happy with that, every time I tried to Talk to her she’d yell at me, my middle one is still here, wish she’d leave too? I feel trapped by her because she is learning disabled, Not retarted, has trouble with communication. She only works part time , I’m retired, I’ll and running out of savings. We could end up homeless. But I wish you the Best

I can def understand where you are coming from. I recently realized I had to put my Brother out of my life. I tried with him so many many times and he never returned in kind. Even when I had cancer. Hurt like hell when that happen, but I am slowly getting a clear mind of it. Thank you for sharing.

I understand I know how you feel. My 47 year, 14 years ago stoped talking to me because I had to disconnect from my abusive birth family. She used to be a loving .caring daughter . All she wants is me for everything she wants me to be there for her. You can never sit down , and talk to her. I have PTSD, severe aniexty, and depression, not only from them, but her, and she doesn’t care. I am done, I deserve to have a happy life, we are good people, and mothers. My other daughter doesn’t care either, what her sister has done to me. I really think it is this me, me generation. My PTSD therapist told me she’s is toxic to me like my birth family. I so sorry you have to go though this with the children we gave birth too, and raised with love. I don’t care even to see mine anymore, I am happier without her. Take care yourself, be happy with what you do have, I am.❤️

Shihtzu7 profile image
Shihtzu7 in reply to

Sorry you’re going through this. My therapist said the same thing as you...about this generation being all about me me me. My husband and I aren’t like that and thought we were raising our girls to be like us, but now we realize we did too much for them & they had too much. I’m happy now & know that my decision, while a difficult one, will give me the peace I’m seeking

in reply to Shihtzu7

That’s exactly how we are ,my husband , and I . We showed we were good people loving, and caring, and being there for them always. We thought they would be too ,like you . Sometimes life takes you where you never thought it would. It still hurts, my children are my abusers, more then my birth family was. I just hope my grandchildren will be better then their parents. I have seen better in them, so I hope I have instilled something in them, that their parents haven't. You just take care yourself now. If you ever need to talk just write me♥️

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Shihtzu7 in reply to

Thanks. I miss my granddaughters from that daughter. She has a 21 year old special needs daughter, an 18 year old high school senior & 19 year old college sophomore. The high school student is in an ice show her skating club puts on the end of March & we’re going. I know I’ll see my daughter & family. My granddaughters will be fine. My daughter will speak to my husband but around me but not to me. I’ll see them again in June at her graduation. Then it will be the end. The college girl would a respond to my texts but now won’t. We sent then Christmas presents...first year in their lives we didn’t see them & don’t know if she’s hurt. We never heard from them & she never came to see us when she was home from college this summer or Christmas vacation. I helped raise these girls & they were in my house almost every day growing up. But I’m not blaming them...I know their mother is influencing them. I’m hoping someday they will have a mind of their own & seek us out. We’re 72/73...hope we have the time.

in reply to Shihtzu7

You just find out what their in, and go. Tell them how much you love them. I raised my grandchildren since they were born, till they went to first grade. Oh ,one time we didn’t know what hockey team my grandson was going to be on, or the first game, so we found out two games late. He saw us jumped into our arms. Said where have you been, I missed you, and love you so much. We told him we are here now, and we love you more then anything in this world . We are 68 , and 70.

Shihtzu7 profile image
Shihtzu7 in reply to

That’s so nice!!! It’s so important to keep that connection. We miss my special needs granddaughter so much because she’s such an innocent in all this & doesn’t understand. Don’t know what her Mom is telling her why we’re not around anymore. But we’ll see her there & I know she’ll be happy & have a big smile on her face. It will be with it

in reply to Shihtzu7

Please if you need to talk, write me. I totally understand what you been going though. Someday their parents might catch their own ,what they done to us. But I hope my grandchildren will be like us, not them!❤️

Hey there, try and see if your Daughters are willing to go to see a therapist with you. Therapy will help. If all are willing. Much love to you 😘🙏🙏

I have asked them many times to go to a therapist with me, and they have said no. They will trash us. What does that tell you.❤️

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