I hate the night. I hate being alone. My anxiety is always worse at night. I keep my tv on for company. I miss my kids so much it hurts. When I think of them at their Dad’s ... it makes me crazy angry. Or uncontrollably sad. Why can’t I make my life fulfilling to the point that I can deal with my pain. My sisters tell me to be happy for the time I do have with my kids..... yea, while they tuck theirs in every night. Like they have a clue. Let them have a holiday go by without their kids.... then maybe I’ll listen to them. Let them experience a holiday completely alone.... ha! AS IF! ( they all live in a different state far away from me). Why can’t I be stronger? I really feel like a loser. Everything is worse for me at night when I’m alone with my thoughts. Why can’t I get it together??
Night: I hate the night. I hate being... - Anxiety and Depre...
Night
Hi lastnerve. Night time is the worst part of the day for me. Your not alone with this feeling. I'm sorry your feeling this way. Your not a loser and your very strong. If you ever need to vent or just talk feel free to message me. I know how those thoughts can be. Sending you hugs and positive vibes.
thanks Michael! i feel so weak complaining.... like i need to get it together. Im 55 and I’ve made a mess of my life. Divorcing a man who I NEEDED to divorce has changed my life 360 degrees. I set myself free, but now am paying very dearly for that freedom.
My brother went through a divorce and they have 2 kids together. It was really hard for him for a while. They have 50/50 custody with the kids. And they alternate the holidays. I know when he doesn't have the kids how much he misses them especially during the holidays. Hes better now and it took him some time to get there.
I wish for things to get better for you. Just remember your not alone and just know how strong you are.
i appreciate your kindness. 😎
You sound very strong to me,are you on any meds for low mood if you don’t mind me asking.
No, I certainly don’t mind you asking. I’m shocked that you’re the second person to tell me that I sound strong. I feel the opposite.... a cry baby. I made my bed but now don’t like how much I’ve given up.
I’m on klonopin ( wish i NEVER started that med), wellbutrin, and lamotrigine. Besides the klonopin ( which I’ve been on for years)... i dont feel like the others do anything for me. The klonopin was started after being on ativan for awhile...ativan lost its effect on me. Anxiety was off the charts. Do i sound like a whiner? a complainer,.... i guess my hurt/pain manifests itself like anger in me.... i dont want to be that person. I’m not mean-spirited or rude.. but maybe i do have a chip on my shoulder. Alan, I don’t want to be the person who’s viewed as bitter. Thats awful!!
My anxiety started when my daughter was an infant ( so 20 yrs ago). I got up for a 3 o’clock feeding and I noticed she just didn’t look right to me. Her color was off... she wouldn’t take her bottle. It took me 2 more minutes to realize that she was struggling to breathe. I immediately woke my ( then) husband and told him to hold our baby while i called 911. He looked at her and sais she was fine, that I was overreacting and being ridiculous. He told me not to call. I didn’t blink but went right to the phone... by the time the ambulance showed up, she was blue. Her eyes were rolling towards the back of her head. The EMT worked on her at home and then rushed her to the hospital. She had a respiratory virus and stayed in the hospital for about a week. I freaked. I was so upset that my X didn’t support me in calling 911. Thats a hard call to make ( esp for a loved one)... and he thought I was being over-protective. I’m so sorry to tell u this story.... not many know it. Had I not called 911, my daughter would not be alive today. That evening still haunts me. Thats the day anxiety entered my life and never left. I was now ( in my mind) alone in PROPERLY caring for both of our kids. I was afraid for their safety, health, and overall well-being. My X ( again, in my mind) was not to be trusted any longer. His judgment was off. Welcome to my anxiety. It hasn’t left yet. Thats a part of my story, illness that I don’t share. It’s too horrifying to remember. wow... tears are streaming down my face as i type this. From that fateful night, I was the parent in control of everything and endured a criticizing spouse looking over my shoulder. He now was the “fun” parent, and I was not. I was too busy being the doctor, nurse, teacher, taxi driver, chef, and worst of all the DISCIPLINARIAN!! I hated that roll. But someone had to do it.
I’m resentful and sooo sad. I know my kids love me... but would truly rather hang out and be with their Dad. The truth. and “I can’t handle the truth.” Hence my journey down the mental health road.
Thanks to anyone who just read my rant. I try so hard to be happy.... to be thankful.... to be a good and kind person. The real truth is that my heart is broken. I’m broken! The story above is only the beginning. A tip of the iceberg. But it was the day I lost it. 🤭😓😓
Your being way too hard on yourself hope it felt good getting that out,and hope you continue to join in the site when you feel up to it ,there are some lovely people on here to talk to when things get too much hope you find some peace over the next few days and I’m sure your kids adore you 🌤
thanks A! i really do like this forum.... people are so supportive. i want to support others as well. its hard to have problems and be/feel alone. i know that feeling. my kids are just beginning to grasp the situation, but they most certainly do not adore me. my hope for one day. ( and maybe not even adoration, i’d settle for consideration!)
When you get isolated and lonely your mind plays tricks on you ,and you start to just focus on negativity in my experience,so good to interact with people and I’m sure you will help lots of people,
wishing you peace A! you’re right about isolation. and negativity. i need to work on both. it’s amazing to me how others view your problems in a different way than u yourself do. its helpful for someone to point out things overlooked, or missed. you did that for me today. thanks! 😮❤️
It’s a daily struggle but easier if you can speak to People going through the same,I didn’t mean to say you sounded negative,I just know personally if I get isolated I get too lonely and start to go down the black hole 🕳 and it can get very scary not good,like anxiety 59 had a wobble yesterday you were there with some mum to mum advice I’m sure she appreciated it she was her jovial self this morning and cheered me right up
Alan!
I’ve appreciated all of your support and I AM negative nelly sometimes ( 🤣)! You weren’t being judgmental; rather helpful! ( and pls know that I try to use humor to cheer up.... laughing for me is healing!). I’m here if u ever need cheering up.... please know that. Getting to know you better will help me figure out how to cheer u up! If nothing else, I’ll always listen.👂 I thank you for the time you’ve spent reading my woes ( do people even use that word anymore 🤣🤣)? Seriously, I wish you peace and no more 🕳🕳!
Thank you ,and sending lots of peace and positivity your way good to have another forum member on the journey too 🤘😊people help the people 🎶🎵by birdy
Hugs! You are not a loser or alone. I wish you lived close we could be friends outside of this site. But im here to talk. I hope you get through this. It took me years to talk to my mom...but now we talk a lot. Things WILL start turning around for you. Give it time and your kids will come around. 💕
thanks! my “kids” are 23, and 20. They do visit, but i think its out of obligation! How do you get over being their second choice?
I think we could be great friends! Most of mine ( former) live in ivory towers and their biggest problem is which mall to go shopping at. I cannot relate. I have bills, rent, more bills ( mostly medical)...and worry. I’ve been divorced for SIX years! Why am I so stuck still?? I haven’t have a serious romantic relationship since my divorce. I don’t want to be alone.
Here i go.... but how are you? You’re going through hell and I’m crabbing about bills?! shame on me!
Thats what we are on here for.. support and too support
i didnt talk to my parents until after my second child was born. It took time but now im really close to both of them. Give them time to deal with whatever they are going through but dont give up. I dont even know where ivory towers is 🙃. Im in nc. You will get through all this. It sucks in the meantime, trust me i know. But it WILL get better!!!!
you’re so sweet! i’m in co..... the “ivory towers” is a smart-alec way to say .... big fat, fancy, over-the-top, huge homes! ( in other words.... very snob, wealthy! 🙄🙄) Something I could care less about!
I appreciate your support! I’m glad we can help each other out. You can message me anytime!! NC is a beautiful state! ..... tell me, did u go looking at lights last night?!
here’s a funny.... if you’re in nc, there are a lot of country music stations, right? In Garth Brooks’ song “Friends in Low Places”...... it mentions an ivory tower. that’s where i picked up the phrase. have a listen and a laugh.... the song is about real life, love, love lost, and laughter! ( its a good one). Maybe it will put a smile on your face!!
You’re a thoughtful and kind person. Can we be long distance friends? ( i would love to help u out with your impending divorce... i know the law and the games spouses will try to play.... ) I’m happy to give advice/support/shoulder when or if you need it!! 🥴❤️
Oh🤣 lol i have never heard that one! I am a southern girl. We live in farmhouses where im from (i do atleast) lol. Oh yes i love me some Garth Brooks too! I would absolutely love to be long distance friends. Sounds like we could both use a good friend right now...im so glad i found this site. My name is Leah. And i can definitely use legal advice...bc i know nothing on this. Yes I went weds night to see the lights, it was beautiful and peaceful...a big break from being at home arguing. I needed that too
Leah, nice to meet you! I’m Linda! ❤️ I love it that u can laugh.... its kinda my way of coping!
Mine too Linda!!! Im glad i met you🤗 I hope that you have a wonderful night. Full if peace and smiles
Of* dang i cant spell lol
Hope your ok buddy, there's no shame in feeling sad, I always feel worse in the evening particularly at the weekend... And with the holidays it's going to suck.. I have about 17 days of work due to Christmas closure and to be honest for the last few months work has been my escape from isolation... But we'll get through it
i love your name! it proves how thoughtful you are! thank you for your encouraging words. Christmas will be excruciating for me.... but i will survive. ( isn’t that a song?)..... message me anytime if u need support, an ear, a laugh, or anything. I will always listen!
You will survive because your a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Same goes to you, I'm never too far from my phone so if you ever need to talk fire a message across I can't offer much advice but can always listen without judgement.
listening is almost better than advice! thank you!
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