Having Trouble Finding Balance

[bxgirlmom]

Hey friends, new here. I currently am diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and bipolar disorder. My major issue daily is my anxiety. I’m married with 2 kids and a dog. I had a major anxiety attack on Thursday so severe I had to bow out of an out a town trip that was already fully paid for. I start a new job in 2 weeks and most of the childcare, dog responsibilities, housekeeping is on me. A lot of my daily anxieties come from being up from 6am (to walk the dog) then my day goes up until 9/10pm when the kids go down. My husband hides behind the fact that he works longer hours. It’s only until recently he started taking my mental health illnesses seriously because the attacks were coming in more frequently.

When I had this recent attack on Thursday I had to call my sister because I needed help with my kids. I called my friends to tell them I would not be joining the trip and I left my house to go to another family members house for the weekend. When I got back today my husband stuck around for like 20mins and then went to go hang with his friends (He hasn’t seen me or kids in 3 days and had all that time to himself ). Maybe he’s overwhelmed with this, I guess I get it. A lot of my anxiety I feel like it comes from my plate is always so FULL.

Just looking for peer support, friendship, community, and anybody who can offer advice/encouragement.

[CLB1125]

hi welcome to the group. My daughter is going through something similar. She doesn’t have children but two big dogs and works overtime most nights. Her husband doesn’t help. My advice would be is to sit your husband down and discuss it with him. He should see how stressed you are but sometimes they just don’t see it. Tell him you need help. It isn’t all your responsibility. They’re his kids too.

[bxgirlmom in reply to CLB1125]

Hello friend and thank you for welcoming me! Don’t downplay dogs; my frenchie I consider a little hurry human lol. He’s a lot of responsibility by himself so I can imagine the time and work it takes for 2 big dogs. We’ve had this conversation A LOT, I’ve sat him down several times. He’s a person that doesn’t like uncomfortable conversations so it almost always ends with him denying everything, or him turning it back on me. He didn’t grow up in a house with balance his mom stayed home most of his life and did everything. He feels his only real duty to provide by paying the bills. Plus with when my oldest daughter was still a baby I had an abundance of my family around helping and just being present. So there was never much pressure for him to be “hands on” with the kids. As we all know nothing stays the same , he’s just seems to want to continue to have all his freedoms even at my expense. When I resume work in two weeks he will have no choice but to help more because I know longer will be able to be everywhere and so everything. Sending love and good energy to you and your daughter!!

[HisChild4ever in reply to bxgirlmom]

I am very sorry!

I can understand that having so many responsibilities at home, on top of having major health issues, it's very painfully hard.

Are you able to meet regularly with a therapist? That helps in a lot of cases.

I wish that your husband would accompany you during sessions with a therapist. I believe that there are a lot of things that he needs to understand about marriage and about your health struggles.

I am very sorry things are so difficult. May God bless you a lot! Maybe you can pray for blessings. I hate that you are suffering. I wish you a lot of improvement in your health and in your marriage.

[bxgirlmom in reply to HisChild4ever]

Thank you so much for your encouragement!! Yes I meet weekly with a psychiatrist virtually. But since I’ve still been struggling my family is insisting I switch to an in-person psychiatrist for a more “personal” experience. I’ve been slowly putting up boundaries, he’s kind of had an attitude all week. But I know I have to start now because I start work in 2 weeks and there’s no way things can continue like they were before. He’ll just have to adjust because for the sake of my kids I can’t keep burning myself out! It’s affecting my mental health and life choices so negatively.

[HisChild4ever in reply to bxgirlmom]

I think that you are very intelligent. May God help you a lot with everything. I hope that therapy helps in many ways. You are very responsible and no one should take advantage of you. You deserve compassion and love and respect and support.

[catmeow1992]

hi we are here to support you i might not have a husband and 2 kids but when it comes to anxiety i can relate for a couple of year my anxiety was so high id have panic attacks on a daily bases what helped me is talking to the doctor seeking help with a professional and reminding myself this is temporary. i am sorry for what you are going through. please reach out you are not alone. hugs along the way

[bxgirlmom]

Thank you !! No trust me , anxiety is anxiety no matter what the circumstances!! Mine are becoming more frequent and I realize I just have to create boundaries with those around me. If they love and respect me, they will get onboard. If not, then there will be no place for them. I’ve put others ahead of my emotional needs for so long. I appreciate your support !