It's been already 8 days. I can't believe it! I feel so good. And I feel the improvement. Yesterday I almost didn't think of him (I actually did when I saw he had texted). I was busy during the day, so I answered his texts before going to bed, that was the only chat we had, it was so quick. And I didn't miss it.
It's been 20 hours since that. Today no texting at all! And I thought of it a few times. But the only thoughts I had were "hmm, we haven't texted today. Well, I don't miss it". I also thought "I could text him, but actually I really don't know what to tell him and I don't have such a desire to text him".
This is such a relief. I hope things stay this way. And a little part of me hopes he won't text today so I will have a full no contact day.
Of course a little part of me feels bad, because it mean he doesn't think of me, but that's because I know I gave him everything and he didn't seem to appreciate it. Well, his loss, somebody else is going to be the lucky one to have my love and this time I will make sure he deserves this love!
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sad_watermelon
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There is a big difference in our ages but I can relate to everything you have been saying. When I was your age, I was already married to my ex husband. I went through 30 years of mental abuse before I had the strength to get out.
I have been dating and currently I text with three different men, two of which I have known since high school. Each one fills a different need I never got from my ex husband but none of them want to have a consistent relationship of any kind.
One will always text me and respond to my texts within 15 minutes without fail but has anxiety and will very seldom meet up in person. He’s super positive about any risk I take and his texting tone in fun. He is also a workaholic
Another eventually answers my texts and will apologize if it was several hours but he never wants to go out to dinner or do anything. I’ll see him in person but only at each other’s houses every month or so. He is a workaholic
The third I totally click with in person. We see each other every couple of months, go out for dinner but sometimes he never acknowledges my texts. For example, he just got back from a vacation with his children and I texted him and asked if he had to come home early bc of a hurricane and he said no, they rode it out and he told me he was playing catch up on all the work that accumulated with his businesses while he was gone. So I waited a few days and then asked him to tell me about the fun he and the kids had on his vacation. I got no response. I waited 24 hours and asked if he was still too busy to tell me about his vacation. No response. So my brain goes from what did I do wrong, did someone tell him a lie about me and he is mad at me, is he hurt, sick, overwhelmed? Is he tired of me? Chances are he is overwhelmed. He’s not the type that would ask for or accept help getting caught up and he obviously doesn’t realize how much it hurts when he doesn’t respond. He is also a workaholic.
I just had a closing on my first home all by myself. I’m overwhelmed and nervous but I would still make time for each of these people if they were to text me. I keep seeing posts on FB that if they want you, they will make time for you. None of them felt the need to check in on me after the closing on my new condo. Are they afraid I might ask them for help? Are they just busy? Who knows? But it hurts.
My health coach says that I taught them how to communicate with me. I taught them that it is ok to leave breadcrumbs. I taught them that it is ok to not answer my texts. I taught them that I’m still going to be at the end of my phone whenever they text regardless of how they treat me. But I can’t let them all go. Like I said above, they each fill a need that I went 30+ years of never having that need met.
Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to say I can feel your pain when he doesn’t text and your excitement when he does. And just when you feel like it’s over and you are healing, he will randomly text. Some call that abuse, the breadcrumbing. I’m not sure. I tolerate it bc it isn’t anywhere near the abuse I experienced being married. I agree that somewhere out there is a person that will treat you better. For me, ditching these three people is too hard until I have found something better.
Thank you for sharing your story! I really hope everything will be absolutely fine for you. I wish you all the best. For my part, I would like to say that I actually don't mind his texts. We are friends after all. But I just want to detach from him.
The only thing that still drives me mad (but this is for anyone, not only him) when he's active, but hasn't responded to my message. But I will slowly get rid of this madness too!
How do you know he is active? Could he just be leaving the app open and it appears as if he is active? I know with some dating apps it says they are online but they just have the app running in the background. 🤷♀️
I guess it all boils down to priorities. Seeing where we fit in the hierarchy of communication is depressing in and of itself.
He has tekegram, he reads the news there. I use it to send myself pictures that I need and there I can see when exactly he was active. The second we close the phone it appears he is no longer active. Sadly, the news are more important than me and this was the case during our relationship too
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