Generic post break-up problems - Anxiety and Depre...

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Generic post break-up problems

paintingwords
paintingwords

I broke up after a 7 month long, long distance relationship two months back. We parted on good terms. But I miss him so much. But I'm also aware how we will not work together. He is extremely inexpressive and difficult to communicate with. Even though he is also this adorable person.

But I miss it. I feel like that was one thing I had to look forward to when I got up somehow everyday after a horrible nightmare. Something to calm me down when my anxiety told me everything was out of control. And now it's all gone.

More than him. I just really miss being loved. Loved like that. I am 23. He was my first proper boyfriend. Love an be so reassuring

I am writing because I texted him today. He was himself, inexpressive. And I feel really bad right now.

11 Replies
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Remind yourself what you love about you! Be kind to yourself ! Get busy with positive activities. You are strong and independent! Go out there

paintingwords
paintingwords in reply to Lvee

Hey Lvee. Thank you for your response!

Such kind and inspiring words. Makes me feel better :)) thank you so much

Hi paintingwords - often you will find if the person is withdrawn and difficult to communicate with are the same as you. You did have feed back for seven months but was this just an online relationship? May be your long distance friend has other problems - a sick relative or some issue himself. That's the trouble with long distance relationships - you do not know what is going on you are just sharing feedback in a bubble.

As you miss him and have texted him but had a response - that is a good sign. If he wasn't interested he would not have responded to your message. You need to respond positively - not on an immediate where you left o,ff but letting him know you want to be friends. If he has another relationship and your friendship is compromising a new friendship - then may be he feels awkward. I guess short texts from day to day - with short responses may slowly break the ice. It is a non response that means either something is going on which he/she can't cope with or they don't want contact. A long distance friendship may last as just that.

Hey hawaii60. Thank you for your response.

I met him through a dating app. We were in the same city for a month when we met. After that our relationship was completely online execpt for meeting about 4 times in 7 months. I agree with you. There must be something going on in his life that I have no idea about.

Since we parted on good terms we had mutually decided to stay friends. And he messages some time too. He does reply to every text I send, every question I ask. I guess since we shared something and I'm clearly not over it, I keep expecting him to say things I want to hear. Self destructive on my part.

But ya, thanks for helping me see it.

I’m in a similar position, my ex and I broke off a year and a half relationship about 2 months ago. I think of her when I get lonely and anxious. It’s painful.

I’ve learned that texting doesn’t really help the way you think it might. But it’s natural to want to. It’s what you were used to and when that’s gone, it feels like there’s a big hole in your life and you want to fill it back up with texting again. Try not to beat yourself up for doing it... Your heart is just trying to compensate for the friend you lost. But at the same time, be aware that it happened for a reason, and that sometimes the pain and loneliness can be used to better understand yourself and the situation and ultimately help you become stronger as you move forward.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions or anything just let me know.

paintingwords
paintingwords in reply to matt17

Hi matt17. Thank you for your response.

This is exactly what I feel. Not a day passed in those 7 months when I didn't talk to him. And then suddenly it's just gone, and I don't know what to do about it.

When I went to his city to see him, I just remember being so happy. And I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 5 yrs now. I want to feel that happy again you know. It feels like I was just given a taste of something beautiful amidst all the chaos of mental illness, and then quickly taken away for me.

I agree with what you said about pain and loneliness making me stronger. It feels good to hear that there is a possibility of that.

Thank you for your kind words. Really appreciated.

matt17
matt17 in reply to paintingwords

You’re welcome. Good luck. ☺️

Hidden
Hidden

Hey there,

I've been where you are and it's just a completely mixed batch of emotions. There's excitement over new prospects, a form of regret, sad about the "death" of a relationship, feelings of failure, and on and on. This is all normal. What you're feeling is normal and it's okay if you know that this specific relationship will not work for you. You'll need to experience the stages of grief which can be overwhelming sometimes, but also try to apply some hope and an eye towards the future where things return to normal for you and the many "fish in the sea". I hate typing that because when I was on the other end of a break up, that was like the most uttered "advice" I got. More in the sea, spectacular....as for now?

I am really sorry that you feel really bad right now. No one wants to be at that point. I'll go ahead and use the usual advice...see a therapist and talk over these feelings. They're all normal, but they can possibly point you in a better direction. You found a lot of things you want in relationship from this one: expression and communication. Those, I think, are some of the most important keys to a great relationship. So, while things hurt and don't feel so great now, there's so much you'll have grown from this. If I had any advice, it's that you don't return to a relationship that you aren't getting 100% from because there is one out there where you can get 125% from. Again, this is the truly bitter end up the relationship spectrum, but I always found each and everyday, things were incrementally better. It's okay that you miss, adore, and still love him.

I hope you're able to see the grand scheme of this break up. You did the right thing rather than trying to hold together a sinking ship that would likely end up right where you're at now later on. As much as it doesn't seem so, things will get better. Try to keep yourself occupied, seek out your friends, and allow yourself some "you" time. I would try to keep communication with him to cordial and very little as you'll just end up prolonging the stages of grief. Seeing the therapist can help you see how this was a situation where things didn't seem to fit together right. You'll reap so much from having a discussion about what you want and need in a relationship so that the next one is better.

Just my advice, and I hope you feel better each and every minute, hour, and day. All the above is just my thoughts on what little I know from your blog and chocked full of my own end of the same type of experience...so proceed at what is best for you. Personally, I would try to stay strong and know that, while things hurt now, they will get better and you will eventually move on. People change, you're young, and who knows down the road. For now, you're going to be okay and you always have this site as an outlet for support, love, and kindness. Take care!!

Patrick

paintingwords
paintingwords in reply to Hidden

Hi Patrick. Thank you so much for your response.

I am grateful for the really good times I spent with him. And, you are right I did learn more about myself and what I want from a relationship. I keep reading what you said about there being a relationship where I can 125% from. You really hit the point. While it is reassuring, this was one of my greatest fear while breaking up, that what if I never find something as good as this.

I don't like therapists. I just can't do that.

I'm trying my best to stay strong. Just the missing pangs hit really hard sometimes.

Thank you again for taking out so much time for me and writing such a detailed response. It's really one of the most helpful ones. I have read it like 5 times now, it's so reassuring.

I hope you are doing well as well.

Naz

Hey paintingwords. I've been through a terrible breakup. And ik how hard it is to move on. After breakup, there's a void in our life which you have to fill with something, either a hobby or may be new bf.

You will be missing mid night walks to long talks.

Distract yourself. And until and unless you are in contact with him, you won't be able to move on. Try to delete everything which makes you remember him.

ping me whenever you want. Always there for you.

:)

Hey Redfox9, thank you for responding.

Break up is such a horrible thing. It's my very first so I am anyway unsure as to what to expect. And oh the void! I'll take the distract yourself advice seriously.

I have deleted everything of him (mostly).

Thanks again for your response!

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