I HATE ME

[caralot]

Hi, first time here, needing help to get back up and get going once again. My life went from very happy to awful in a short period. I was with Al, my fiancee, for 3 years. Spending winter in Arizona. This year I got very sick. (Spinal strepococcal abscess) in hospital for 5 weeks. Almost didn't make it. Al was there with me, even stayed at night. The 5th week he decided he didn't want me anymore. Just never came back to the hospital. Didn't talk to me again. I needed to have iv's for 7 weeks. I kept calling him, I needed him so bad. No answer. So I had to go into the nursing home. I don't know anyone else in Arizona. Couldn't come back to Wisconsin Dr said I couldn't travel, I was too sick. Al packed all my things and went back to Wisconsin. Left me there alone. This all was in February. I finally could travel in July. In Wisconsin now. But now I have infection in the bones in my back, and have to stay with my Mom. I can't do a lot of things its to painful. Haven't talked to Al. I texted him and no answer. I miss him terribly. Im so depressed and sad, I have nothing left. When I moved in with Al he said, I am going to take care of you the rest of your life. He had me sell my home and everything in it . Everything that I loved is gone. Home, I had my salon in my home, the best place in the world. All of my furniture. Everything! My friends, we did everything with his. I am so stupid. And I have no idea why he did this. We had so many plans, for now and our future. Im retired and certainly hate to start over. I still love Al and miss him so much. My whole life is gone because I got sick. How could he do this when I needed him the most.. Just to hold me and say "everything is going to be ok." I hurt inside and out. I cry all of the time. I hate me for getting sick and for whatever I did to Al for making him not want me anymore. It cant get much worse. I'd like to run away with nowhere to go... Like most of us feel. My heart and body are broken.

[Loki1018]

I'm so sorry 😐 but he showed his true colors and I know you don't see it now but if he would of said those vows "for better or worse, in sickness and health" he was just going to be lying 🤥 straight in your face at one of the most epic and important times in your life. Things will get better but one day at a times I know it takes times for a ❤️ ache to heal but at least you would go avoided all the paper work on getting divorced if it would of came to that. He will get his one day, when he will need some one at his worst time and karma will be there to serve it cold. Keep your head up and get better

[caralot in reply to Loki1018]

Thank You, makes me think. I only think about how happy I was... Trying my hardest to make him happy.

[Rafi-]

Hello,1st of all Al is a dick excuse me but you shouldn't be thinking nor wasting your time on him. Instead you should be focusing on your health nothing more nor less! Ask your doctors if swimming is good for you .. it's always the cure for anything ! You need to belive in yourself;your the only person that will help YOU! Trust me this is just a phase & it will pass by making you stronger...❤️❤️

[caralot in reply to Rafi-]

Thank You for replying. I would do anything to get rid of this pain. I can't turn my body yet. Just stayed to drive, and that's difficult. I was the happiness I'd ever been. And I don't understand any of this. I feel like a loser. I needed to be around people. I don't know anyone here. Cant stand or sit for long periods at a time. Any suggestions about what I can do to meet new friends?

[Rafi- in reply to caralot]

I can be your friend,start off with me lol. You shouldn't do anything to meet new people.. just let it be! Go to the library, college , anywhere outside. Go do something adventurous!

[Lizbett in reply to caralot]

Caralot: Hello there. Download the MeetUps app.

Meetups have various functions/activities for meeting people depending on intetest. A lot of the activities require mobility but others do not. Something to think about at the very least.

Blessings.

[caralot in reply to Rafi-]

I want to end all this pain today. I can't take it anymore. Im sorry.

[Rafi- in reply to caralot]

No you can't! Because god gave you this soul not to torture it but to create something out of it ! Think about how when you're going to get better & stronger everyone is going to look up to you! You have a story to tell you can't go mute!

[Lostjoy in reply to caralot]

Are you ok? I am worried about you, please respond??

[jessie222 in reply to caralot]

omg sorry to hear that

[b1b1b1]

You have had a truly terrible time, both physically and emotionally. At this point it may help to see a psychiatrist. You have reasons to be very upset and it would help to be able to talk them out with a trained professional. Also, tranquilizers or SSRIs could possibly help.

[yeja]

I am thinking since you have not heard from Al maybe God for bid something happened to him ? maybe he was in an accident maybe he is in the hospital are you sure that he is fine and he just disappeared ? I know you need closure either he's just a terrible person who was using you or something major happened

[caralot in reply to yeja]

Nothing has happened to him. I texted him, to tell him how I feel about him. He said, you need to move on. That's just not that easy for me. I can't understand why he did this to me.