No one wants to hear it

[Scarlett28]

I live a very isolated life with my partner of 24 years. He is secure and comfortable with himself and I feel like much lesser in the relationship. He gets upset if I share any depressed or anxious feelings because he thinks I should feel the lucky to have him. Besides him I only have my parents that I have a distant relationship with. Mom texts once a week to tell me about her great weekend and I just cry. I can’t share any feelings with her either because she sees weakness and just wants me to be strong and independent. I put on a happy face but know the cracks show.

I know social connection is critical to our existence but just haven’t found people I can trust or relate too. I have tried volunteering but it just becomes hard work. Just needed to get that out today. I get so numb some days I don’t feel, hear, see anything. Peace

[hypercat54]

There are lots of places to meet others. If you are religious then how about a church?

How about a local group or a class in something you are keen on?

There are also groups such as Meet Up which are international. Get googling and see what you can find.

Don't forget too than even a casual friend you can have a coffee with is valuable. Through them you might meet more people too.

I am more concerned with your partner stating you should feel lucky to have him. Why? He is lucky to have you so tell him that. Never give away your power.

[Amiwrong]

I’m sorry you are in this place in your life. Everyone should have at least one support system even if it’s just someone you can text.

It’s sounds lonely and honestly if you were lucky to have your partner they would at least make you feel heard, validated, or try to understand you on some level. You are not less important because you are struggling.

Is there anyway that you can take your partner to one session of therapy to have a psychologist explain depression and anxiety? Or your mom perhaps, virtual even. Sometimes people are more likely to listen to strangers.

[catsrock]

I'm sorry, that sounds very hard. I hope you find connection here or somewhere in your community. What kinds of things do you like to do?

[Azalea1]

I hate to be the one to say this but I think its an important fact to see. Your partner does NOT sound supportive of your mental health, and that could be a factor in feeling lesser (which you should NOT feel) and your isolation. Having mental health issues is not a weakness, it is a real illness, there is so many scientist and researchers out there proving this.

I struggle a lot with feeling like I can't or I'm not supposed to talk about my mental health, specifically my depression. But I have learned the hard way that isolation and not talking about it makes it worse. If you do not have a trusted friend or family member to talk to, if you haven't already, I would suggest looking into professional help. And if you are physically isolated (like you live in a remote area) there are some very good online therapy options.

[Midori]

Hi Scarlett,

Can I suggest you seek out a course on Assertiveness? Learning the techniques of this helped me immensely after I was widowed with two under school aged children.

Cheers, Midori

[Scarlett28]

Thank you all for your helpful comments. I was hopeful a couple years ago as I gained enough courage to move out on my own. It felt great at first and slowly the fear and loneliness crept in. He never lost touch with me and listened to me and supported me right back into his home. I got overwhelmed and left my best job 13 years ago. My fear of failure keeps me from trying or risking anything.

[Midori in reply to Scarlett28]

Yes, that's why I mentioned Assertiveness training. it worked exceedingly well for me, although I didn't realise it at the time.

Cheers, Midori

[Midori]

Sounds to me as if he has you right where he wants you, and he lovebombed you right back under his thumb. It does not sound like a healthy relationship to me, and I have been where you currently are.

It sounds borderline abusive to me. Red flags flying everywhere.

I am solo now and, although disabled and old, I'm content with my life.

Cheers, Midori