I have no one in my life, does anyone else feel this way?

[Dsg1116]

I am 25 and I feel my situation in life is rather rare. I have no friends, no relationship and my whole family has done me dirty. I have no one in my life, I considered my mother family up until this week, when she chose to not invite me over for Thanksgiving. Other relatives always questioned her love for me, because when I was 8, she put her boyfriend before me when I asked him to leave and he continued to live with us. They’re still together and now I have two half brothers. All my life I’ve just felt like I didn’t fit in, my life is miserable and my bad luck is completely beyond my control. At work I don’t talk to anyone, a few dislike me and I live by myself. My father acted crazy back in 2017 and tries to speak to me, he wants to maintain a relationship with me but I avoid him because he is unpredictable and a man child. Almost all my immediate family on my mothers side did me dirty and I feel so betrayed. I have no friends because people are fickle and I’m single because guys don’t acknowledge me. What is so wrong with me? Am I that ugly and unlikable?

[EleanorRose]

Hey,

I’m so sorry to hear this has happened to you; life can be really tough and unjust sometimes. Sometimes bad things happen or people react in unpredictable and unfair ways - that doesn’t mean it is a reflection on us.

Your mother’s decision not to invite you for Thanksgiving is unkind but says more about her than you. Do not blame yourself or read into what that says about ‘you’ because it doesn’t - it’s her issue but it’s understandably still hurtful.

Have you tried talking to people at work? Do you know for sure they dislike you?

I often worry that people hate me but when I am in a better place, rationally I don’t think they do, I just fear it.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you, I don’t think you’re dislikeable. I think you’ve had a tough time and been faced with lots of difficult circumstances. Is there a friend/colleague/family member you could try and reach out to?

I’m not in any way suggesting it’s your fault, but perhaps there is something to do with how you act that makes it trickier to maintain friendships. Are you quite wary of people because of things you’ve experienced? Are you always busy and find it hard to make time to see people? Are you quite shy? Are you very kind and giving which has meant people have taken advantage of your good nature? SO many other possibilities. Not your fault at all but if you could identify something, it might help you in the future.

Maybe you just haven’t met the right people yet. Do not blame yourself or feel bad about yourself for this.

Take Care,

Eleanor

[Dsg1116 in reply to EleanorRose]

I know at least 2 dislike me at work. One worker is professional and attempts to conceal it while the other is petty and has made it known she has an issue with me. I cannot take the mistreatment I have encountered in my life and stay to myself. I feel like that’s the only thing that prevents me from building friendships, when I used to be friendly and optimistic, things went downhill with other people and I have resorted to keeping guarded. And trust me, I am not a push over

[BetaTogetha]

You are not alone. I have a very similar situation, my mother abandoned me when I was young and my dad was abusive, I have never had any bonds with either sides of my family because they are all addicts/criminals/mentally ill. I understand first hand that holidays are tough, and it’s difficult to find friends that will truly understand. Over the years I’ve had to learn that not everyone was meant to stay in my life forever. Being fickle about selecting friends is not a bad thing, if you’re setting clear standards for what you expect from a mutual friendship. I think if you change up your patterns, you will be able to interact with people that you wouldn’t have otherwise. Like a lot of people in their 20’s usually meet new people at the club or out drinking or at music shows. So try something different, like a yoga, meditation, art show, library book club, etc. People who have diverse interests are interesting and people who regularly attend clubs or classes may be also looking for new friends. Doing something new/different is also good for you and your mental health and overall well being. 💗 You are a good person, I think you need to shed your old skin(habits) and explore new experiences, and good things will come.

Best wishes!

[ovilia]

I felt like that when I was 20. I wondered what was wrong with me. There was really nothing wrong with me. People go through times in their lives when friendships are scarce due to meeting the "wrong" or "don't click with" people, and then things change and they have friends again. It's like depression, it eventually ends. I'm old now -haha-in my 60s and know this, although it's hard to see at the time. Is there a meetup group you can try out just to get out? What are your hobbies? When I wondered what to do, someone asked me, "what did you like when you were 8 years old? ?" I liked animals, the outdoors, reading, my violin. d'oh! So I tried them again. You can't pick your family unfortunately. Mine was pretty bad too, but as you get older, you may form your own, or your chosen family

[Aliceinwonderland58]

Our heads lie to us, I have felt the same you are not alone. I am as alone as I choose to be if I do not try then nothing gets done. Help you to help you, you can do this.

[majolie]

I don't know you, so I can't answer if you're ugly or unlikable! Let's suppose you are ugly. There are very few people in the world who are actually ugly, but let's look at the worst case scenario. Ugly people don't have to be ugly on the inside; in fact, I've known some unattractive people whose personalities are so lovely that they actually seem attractive! (The opposite is also true: some very attractive people can look awful because they wear a frown or a scowl.) So, if you ARE unattractive, work on your inner beauty so that it'll shine through. Smiling is one way to look nice. Another option is to have a makeover done at a beauty store to make the best of your features.

But my guess is that you're NOT ugly. Now let's suppose that you ARE unlikable. What makes a person unlikable? Well, not being friendly is one way. And it sounds like you're not very friendly, based on what you said about yourself. You can change that. Start smiling, saying hi, bringing donuts for everyone, asking if someone wants to go for a hike or a coffee or whatever. BE a friend.

Other ways to be unlikable are: being grouchy all the time, being disrespectful, being a gossip, being a lazy worker, being a liar and untrustworthy, being arrogant and condescending, being a complainer/whiner....do any of these describe you? Do a hard and honest assessment of yourself, and if you don't see any of these in you, it's time to do the hardest thing of all.

Ask someone who knows you if you are likable, and if they say no, ask why. Be ready to hear hard truths and not be defensive. Seek to listen and learn. Seek to grow. You want your life to change, right? Well, you can't change your awful family or anyone else, but you CAN change yourself.

Perhaps you have truly been a victim of all these people who've done you wrong. But you don't have to live as a victim forever. You can't change your past, but you can change your future. You don't have to be defined by past betrayals and broken relationships. If you harbor bitterness, it will slowly steal your joy and love and peace. The only solution is forgiveness, which sets you free (and doesn't let the other person off the hook). Ask God to help you do this, as it's quite difficult to do in your own strength.

Perhaps it'd be a good idea to seek out a counselor who can help you figure out what went wrong and what, if anything, you need to change in yourself to have future success with friendships. BUT you have to be willing to listen to things that might hurt you. Decide to be open and teachable!

Lastly, because of my beliefs, I must say that you are precious in the sight of God and He doesn't make mistakes. He created you with specific talents and gifts to bless others with and make the world a more wonderful place. What are you passionate about? What do you want to improve in the world? If you identify one thing, throw yourself into it with all you've got, and lo and behold, you'll probably make friends along the way.

As the saying goes, today is the beginning of the rest of your life. You CAN make choices to make your life so much better. I wish you well.