Why am I this way?

[IndigoDreamer]

I've never done this before but I don't know what to do. I hate myself so deeply and I can't get over it. I can rarely glance in the mirror without the overwhelmingly urge to slam my head into a wall and claw my heart from my chest. I have no idea what to do or what is wrong with me. I don't want to die but I hate the person I am now. A bottomless disgust and rage and overwhelming urge to scream and strangle myself have become the default I glaze over. I don't know where to go or how this will ever get better, but the best thing I can do for now is dream. This can't be my reality. Life would not be worth living if this is truly inescapable. The only thing I can do is cry uncontrollably, listen to music, and dream. Please someone help me. Please someone tell me why I am this way.

[Agora1]

IndigoDreamer, I am not a therapist or doctor but I do sense your anger and frustration

within yourself. I can't answer your question without reversing it back to you as to

"Why are you like this?" What happened to prompt all this negative feelings about

yourself? Until those emotions are addressed by a professional, they will continue to

haunt you. Are you seeing a therapist presently? Are you on any medication that may

be causing these feelings? So many things to take into consideration before we can

heal and go forward with life. I'm glad you are here with us. xx

[optimismrus]

Self loathing is a serious mental disorder. I think that most of us are dealing with or have dealt with a version of this. There is help for you and I'm glad you've reached out here. Take the next step and make an appointment with a counselor. Stop beating yourself up, you deserve to love yourself! Tell us more about yourself. Like: age, male/female, living conditions, family? My mantra is, "I'm not perfect, but parts of me are excellent". 😍

[Agora1 in reply to optimismrus]

xx

[RainStryder]

sit down and list 10 reasons why you hate yourself. they must be real, back-upable reasonsthat someone else would agree to. Then switch hats-become someone else and list 10

reasons why they like you as you really are. Take your time completing these lists; but be

sure to finish them. When they are done, tape them to your mirror. Look at them and read

them 2-3 times a day until they are part of your routine. Then remove the " hate " list. With

just the " like" list on your mirror, you may be able to begjn !ooking at yourself.

Rain Stryder

[Tacoblue]

It sounds to me, and I'm no expert, but did different situations, for example, an abusive relationship you just left, on someone always bringing you down lead to some of these feelings? You are suffering from a deep depression, for sure. I would get a therapist as soon as you can. Cognitive behavioral therapy will help work through what you are feeling, and the right meds will make all the difference. If you can't afford it, they work on a sliding scale, and different programs can help with the costs of medications. God speed and good luck