I believe I won't find love. I am ugly, thin, boring, and socially awkward. I feel so bad about myself. And I got low self esteem can't even love myself. I am an asshole. Sorry for my language but I can't love myself, I won't be able to love others and this is why I don't got friends. The only thing I like to do is read. And watch some movies, but anything else I have a blind eye for. But this is not the person I want to be. I know I'm kind and I like helping people just I struggle to get to know them. I keep myself distant. And I don't know myself.
I am ugly: I believe I won't find love... - Anxiety and Depre...
I am ugly
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OtterChaaos
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Don't worry OtterChaos I feel the same way. This world in my opinion needs more unique and independent people. Be proud and strong, get out and do something you love. You never know who you may meet
Hello olympus. Well thing is I only read. I don't have a lot of passions because of my depression. I don't know what I love to do. People don't really read these days or think books are boring. And thanks for sharing.
OtterChaos i have anxiety so much i would be the equivalent of the paint on the wall that a wallflower would stick too. Stop being down on yourself and look up. If it wasn't for trying to stay positive i wouldn't be here, But we are all here for a Purpose. Have a good night
I'm here because It helps me to get a lot of junk off my chest. and I deal with social anxiety too. its a bitch and I understand . have Good night. ^_^
OtterChaos, I admire a person who is "well read". I find that interesting in that
you are forever increasing your language skills and knowledge. Better than
sitting for hours playing games on your phone. 
We are all unique in our own way. Once we learn to appreciate and respect who
we are, we can become a part of that social ring we now fear.
Here's something I found on YouTube which may help you take that first step forward.
"Love Yourself (Self Confidence)" by the Honest Guys. A short video.
I'm glad you are a part of our support group. We will help you turn all those negative
thoughts about yourself into a more positive approach. Remember, You are Important xx
Thank you tons Agora. 
I was sitting here trying to come up with a good response to this, but I’m starting to realize that I am also too socially challenged to know the right thing to say
-_- lol
At least we’re not alone though. It’s definitely hard to make friends and meet new people when you struggle socially and just don’t relate to most people well. I often feel the same and wonder how I will ever meet someone too... It’ll definitely take more time for us, but the fact that we’re not like most people could actually be a good thing. We’re the unique ones. I bet you’re actually a very interesting person to those who really get to know you. It just takes more time for us to open ourselves up to people. Be patient with yourself
It do take time to find those friends for us. For people to accept us. I hope you find your people. Just be yourself and it will attract those who will be there for you and care for you thick and thin. Someone told me (and i didnt listen to them at time) just meet, talk, say hi and just be present around them. Dont have to make them your friend in that moment but to take your time and get to know them at your pace. And my therapist told me i can communicate in many good ways. Just nod your head, smile, listen, and tell your thoughts. And your allowed to think before you give your answer. Your allowed to go silent for a moment to tell your heart felt words. Its okay. Even silence speaks, when you are say having bad day and dont want to talk to anyone. Or someone gets on your nerves. My mind goes blank a lot. I got nothing to say. I cant find the words to respond. And its okay it happens. Just tell me hi. It is nice to meet you. Im going through this and im here for you too. ^^ there is no right way to say it and you are not alone. Lets be friends. I dont have the right words to say im only human! (Mere Otter 😏) im just here to support you and give you hugs. Only a medically professional therapist knows the right words. They went through training. Unless you want to become a therapist? Otherwise, hey! Thanks for replying me. Means a lot more than trying to think of what to say and coming with perfect words. Dont give yourself a headache my friend. *huggies*
Your username brought a smile to my face. OtterChaos. It brightened my day. You made one persons life a little bit better. Thank you for being you!
Thank you. ^^ and I'm happy it put smile to your face it made me smile too. <3
You have to find the courage to love yourself regardless of what people may say. I know it is hard, I struggle with loving myself and ignoring what other people think too. It is not possible to love someone before you love yourself. The good thing is that loving yourself and having high esteem is all in your hands. It may be hard now, but if you really want to change how you view yourself, you can. There are many many people in this world and I guarantee you someone will love you just the way you are. Know that you and only you can change your life. Keep fighting, keep struggling against those negative voices, and someday you will find the light.
You are absolutely right! Thank you so much. And i apologize for my negativity. Just edited this post.
""The good thing is that loving yourself and having high esteem is all in your hands. It may be hard now, but if you really want to change how you view yourself, you can"" - AntiSocialSocialClub.
"There are many many people in this world and I guarantee you someone will love you just the way you are. Know that you and only you can change your life." -AntiSocialSocialClub
I really loved these both. So i quoted it for you in your honor. 🙏 ^^
Sorry if I seemed mean. I just wanted to empower you. Maybe try making a list of all the things that went right in your life to balance out the negatives. I write three things I'm grateful for every morning and night and it really helps put things in perspective. Everyone has things that go wrong or they don't like, but when you look at the good things along with them, they suddenly don't seem so bad. I'm very awkward and have flaws, but I try to laugh at myself and appreciate the blessings I have.
Nothing you said was mean. I appreciate your kind words. I just might have BDD. Thank you for sharing. This is good advices you give me. And you seem like a good person. I admire you. ^_^ (i edited this post because i was being ridiculous. Really your words have worth.)
i kept taking seroxat 20mg for 5 months i felt a horriable feeling
Oh my...maybe switch different medicines.? Not all medication is going to work on everyone thats why we got to keep trying others. I went through few anxirty medication that didnt help me. Now im on the next sertraline hcl 25mg. It is not working yet. Hopefully it do, but taking it with clonazepam really helps me while waiting on this drug to take effect.
Only side effects i get is just tiredness and drowsy. But if i abruptly stop medicine ( which you shouldnt do and take as prescribed by doctor) my heart beats up to 180 at rest and i get panic attack and my body shakes. It is horrible.
• in reply toAntiSocialSocialClub
This was just what I was going to say to you Otter! There are small but powerful ways to rebuild your thinking and rebuild your behaviour, but they start with you. It is positive that you see a therapist and that you're here chatting with friends who support you - it shows your intention to make progress and your will to be happy. I am no kinda professional but I believe very strongly in the power of our own thoughts. I like the idea with starting with a morning practice of listing out 3 things you are SO glad and SO grateful for (they come to you easier and easier as time goes on i promise) and 5 "I AM" affirmations that you repeat ten times and then throughout the day. "I am strong, I am a fighter, I am learning, I am deserving of peace of mind, I am kind.. " You make your own of course. I would suggest starting with that practice for 2 weeks and see how you feel about it. Depression is the kind of illness that puts roadblocks in the way like an internal dialogue saying "Why bother doing the practice, it doesnt work and it doesnt matter" or talking over your I AM statements with "You know this is BS, you might be kind but youre also a loser" ETC. But you have to withstand the pressure from your depression and keep doing the practice, as meaningfully as you can, and that is where progress happens. Just my lowly ten cents!
OtterChaaos• in reply to
I will try this. 💕 thank you HappyBeee. I love to journal so this would be good for me.
• in reply toOtterChaaos
😘
You remind me of myself in high school. I've now made some changes to my life that include red wine, chess club, learning a second language and gym (once a week) and they've helped to some extent. See if you can take a leaf out of my book.
I always wanted to learn spanish. Yo apprendar espanol y necesito un tutor. Yo entiendo un poco.
But my depression has been holding me back.
Which language are you learning?
Hindi
awesome! Have fun learning.
I hope I'm not asking for too much and I appreciate all your loving and kind words. I am just thinking, what are the ways to accept my looks, because this is really something that is giving me severe depression. I even can't face a living soul without staring down at my feet. Where do I start?
Maybe try looking in the mirror and just look at yourself until the negative thoughts go away. Ted talks have a lot of great information too. Try to look at similarities between you and other people. You will realize people have a lot more similarities than differences. There is no such thing as asking too much on this forum. Personally, helping other people makes me feel good, so it's a win win situation. 😊
• in reply toOtterChaaos
I heard once of a challenge where you tell yourself "I love you" in the mirror every day, I dont know how it works but I have heard such positive things.
OtterChaaos• in reply to
I heard about it too. It is kinda funny to me. I look into mirror and i stare into my own face and i go, "I..I...LL..O...VVV..y..ew.." My mind trys to say it but it ends in jibberish and i feel awkward. Trying to say i love you to myself. And when i get it out and smile at myself in the mirror i just feel weird but a bit good. If i ever master this i swear to god i will bring a bouquet of flowers to myself in the mirror and say "I love you. Will you be be my wifu?" 💐😘
• in reply toOtterChaaos
Hehe! That's taking it to new levels! I have taken to saying it to myself when I discover I'm in a negative self criticising internal monologue.. I stop my thought process and say really gently "no, I love you. you are a lovely girl, I love you and I'm going to look after you" it seems really weird perhaps but I've been looking into self nurturing as a tool for healing and happiness. Like imagine I was my own mum how much I would pour love wherever there was pain. I'm finding it really really helpful
OtterChaaos• in reply to
Self love is all about taking care of yourself and nuturing you. Give yourself a tight hug. Rub your arms and give yourself a squeeze, a bit pat on your shoulders. It makes you feel even x10 better and warm. Makes you feel good. Hugs just boosts your mood. I do it all time. XD. Even if i feel like shi* i just...i love hugs! >
One good tip is to remember that those negative thoughts in your head are not your original thoughts. Often times people say mean things and we internalize it. We learn to bully ourselves because other people bully us. We also learn to love ourselves because we were loved at some point in our lives. It may seem like an impossible choice at times, but you can always choose love over hate, be positive or negative, be the victim or the victor. Practice making the right choices and it will get easier and easier. Keep fighting! (:
• in reply toAntiSocialSocialClub
Yes I love this!
Yes, many thoughts can be irrational and untrue. I been trying meditation to let these thoughts go and focus back on my breathing to calm my mind. It helps. Thoughts are just.. Thoughts. You are right we can change our way of thinking. And train our brains to think more positive. ^^ it is tough and they can creep at the back of your mind without you realizing and not knowing why you are feeling so bad for some reason. It happens a lot and keeping a journal helps me. Im still fighting. Thanks for your support.
Thank you for posting. I'm sorry that you feel ugly. I know that feeling stinks. I am a huge book lover myself. We have to realize that what we feel isn't always what is. Can you tell me more about yourself? What is your age? (I think you are in your teens .... by looking at responses below.)
How you feel about yourself will determine how others see/value you. You have many strengths just from the books alone! Is there one small step you could take in order to feel more comfortable in your own skin?
Im 20 years old. Im taking therapy, just need support. And yes it sucks. Thaanks for your response. But im not so sure steps yet.
I got some now. Look in mirror, smile everyday and tell yourself your beautiful or ugly and proud. 🙏 follow self love calender, keep yourself clean, Pray to god, exercise and put some lotions to look flawless. How bout it? 😝
How about making 1 small goal for today. I know you can do this. Give yourself a lot of positive feedback when you accomplish this small goal. Even if you don’t think you deserve the good feedback, keep it up. It starts changing things over time.
My goal for tomorrow ( lazy otter today) is to look into a job to make some dollars. But thats the thing i just said yesterday. Haha. Happens. But for sure! I love to make few goals and journal them it is useful. When i accomplish all my goals i will feel like suppa woman. Thank you nalbinder. I do have some goals written down like job, applying for college, getting to new hobby...without goals there wouldnt be motivation. I need to get moving though. ^w^
Starting tomorrow for sure! 😂 sorry im lazy today too. It surprises me how i am so thin.
I understand very much how you feel, OtterChaaos. But I don’t believe you have to have mastered loving yourself before you can be loved. It is a long, difficult process. It took me 39 years to find someone who genuinely loves me for me, and I still struggle with loving myself. But that doesn’t make our love any less valid, or me any less worthy. You deserve happiness and peace and love in your life. They will come to you, and maybe not in the order that you thought they would, but count nothing and no one out. I think accepting and loving myself will be a lifetime struggle. And after years of being alone and believing I am not good enough, I put myself out there and it has made a big difference. Sometimes when you can’t see your own worth, others can show it to you. And that’s okay. I wish you all the best.
It is a long and difficult process. definitely will take time to love ourselves one step at a time. I just hope i can get over it soon. I dont want to live the way i do now because of my appearance. I want to be happy now. 😔 but i understand you. I hope you can come to love yourself more and more. And i will keep trying to get over how i feel about my appearance. And you are right. Loving ourselves is life journey and can find love eventually who will care enough to support you along the way. I do see that now. Thanks for sharing.
Who wouldn't want to be friends with you??!! A person who picked the username OtterChaos is sure to be a hilarious, interesting, and engaging person. Maybe you haven't been looking for friends in the right places. I love reading, and discussing books I love is great. Try going to a bookclub at a local library maybe. You may just find a kindred spirit. A bosom friend, as Anne of Green gables might say. 
Talk about what you love with someone who loves the same thing. Best Wishes!
OtterChaaos• in reply to
Hahaha, yes. I was planning to join " friends of the public library club" i have a public library right across two streets away from my home. I do love to read and talk about books too. Just few people read in Clinton where i live. Though i see a lot of older people and few my age. I am 20 years old and only see like 2 to 3 people up reading or renting books. So i am wondering about this book club. If there will be more people around. I am nervous and anxious as hell though to attend.
• in reply toOtterChaaos
Well, I hope there are heaps of people there to make you feel welcomed. Good luck and just breathe if you start getting nervous.
OtterChaaos• in reply to
* takes deep breath making cheeks puff and holds it in* 🙏 mmh.!! 😳 Ty.
• in reply toOtterChaaos
*claps* THAT'S IT I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT!!!
OtterChaaos• in reply to
someone says in background. 'But just make sure to let it out!'. * my face goes blue and i let out my breath and passes out* 😵
K.O
Person: *kicks my head* "what an idiot right? "
ahahahah
Im so lame. 😂
• in reply toOtterChaaos
LOL yikes yeah that's an important step 😂
Hey otterChaaos, I read few comments and they said you have to love yourself without considering what people may say. It's true, but main thing is how to do it.
Actually I don't have answer to it, may be you're feeling this way because you are bothering about what people think?.I will tell you what I did when I gave importance to "what people will think".
I started going out in a casual way, like uncombed hairs, with faded shirt, and loose pants. I went college wearing pajamas. And then soon I started feeling that I don't give a fuck to what people say. It's my life and I can't live on someone else terms. Actually people don't have time to think that what you're wearing and all, it's all in our perception.
You're feeling ugly, it means you're comparing yourself with other. Because how can you define light without dark… good without bad?
We differentiate things to be good when we have seen bad things.
A specialist only can tell you the main reason, I just wrote what I find to be true, what I feel. Just don't compare yourself with anyone. And for me, heart should be pure, outer looks don't matter.
Sorry if I hurted you in anyway, idk if I wrote correct things or not. But this is what I think.
Hope you're having a great day.
Thanks for sharing. No, nothing hurtful was said i admire your opinion. I am an over thinker and its like i feel i can read minds but it is just me putting fake words into their heads. Heck, i have no idea what they thinking but your right. You only live once and should enjoy life the way you want. Let them do them with minding to yourself and let you do you without minding them. The end.
Yes true, and again I will say, looks don't matter, but heart do. Looks fade away with time, but soul is eternal.
Just don't think bad about yourself, see the amount of response you're getting on this site, just imagine the amount of people who actually care about you without even knowing you, without judging by your story or looks.
You're unique and beautiful.
Your right. "If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies how different our ideals of beauty would be." thanks.
I know how you feel, but I don't think you're an a××hole
Sorry for my language. I was bit upset at time writing it. Thank you.
Get to know yourself. Find out what brings you JOY!!! If you don’t know.... keep trying new things. And stop using those words!! Your body is listening to all this negative shit that you say about yourself and acting accordingly. Also, law of attraction will keep on handing you the same shit on a platter bc it’s what you are focusing on. What you put out comes back to you. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’ve been where you are. Talking shit about my body and how no one would ever love me. I stopped talking like that and my body and life started to change.
I am happy to hear this. Thank you, it's encoraging. Just this morning i woke up. And just sat in bed like hmm.. I see your message to try something new or get to know myself so,
I'll be that guy,
and take myself on date i guess.
I'll take a try.Hahahaha, and i understand you thanks for sharing. It means a lot.
you are not ugly we are all going through hard times
ugly or beautiful thats thing given to us by god
I do believe the word "ugly" was just defined by people from their perceptions of what is beautiful and what is not. I understand it is just an opinion of others. Though it can hurt like a bee sting when someone says 'ugly', especially going against ourselves. But i do believe that everyone that was given life on this planet we are beautiful in our own ways. Beauty isnt in the eye of the beholder beauty its being ourselves who we were born to be. Human, is what we are, we come in many different shapes and sizes and looks. Nothing is 'ugly' it is different, unique, and gives character to people. I believe in this but its funny how much im struggling against 'ugly' its just i have the knowledge but i had not come to accept myself yet. It is so silly. I cant go on ranting good words when i have not gotten over it. But im trying. Again, i know 'ugly' is opinions by other people by looking at human flaws. People just want to be perfect. But reality noone is perfect just like nature isnt perfect but it is still beautiful. Beauty is in everything even our flaws. I got to burn this into my mind. And learn to accept myself.
Thanks for your support. 💕🙏
Lets all try taking the definition of 'ugly' and rewriting it into something else. More positive.
Different
Unique
Pretty flaws
Human
Anyone else want to try rewriting the definition of ugly? Id love to see it. ^_^
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