Am I stupid or it's just not for me?

[sad_watermelon]

I took my driver's license last year (pretty late, I know), but the thing is that I never wanted to drive. All my friends were so excited and when they took their driver's licences were driving all the time. While for me - I was forced to get my licence by my parents, I was and still am afraid of driving, when I drive I sweat and shake so much....

Now my parents are mad at me, because a year later, I am still an awful driver, I can't park the car, I just am awful.

And they scream at me because of it. They call me awful things. Especially my father. And now I'm spending the day crying in my bed because I don't understand why things just don't work for me. Am I as stupid as my father tells me I am to drive a damn car??

[Mayumi_]

Hey. It sounds so overwhelming

Can you drive when they are not around just to practice, maybe circumstances and so you could be calmer and things would work out better.

Otherwise have you tried to talk about this with them how they made you feel?

Hugs✨

[sad_watermelon in reply to Mayumi_]

I talked to them and they even see it, because they are in the car with me while I drive, because otherwise I just freeze, I can't think, I panic and I just stay shaking and paralyzed at the same time. I don't think there is somewhere to practice, because I live in a big city and the traffic is heavy.

I also am afraid that I will do something to the car, because it's not mine (I didn't want to have one, because I literally won't drive it, because I am afraid) so I know that if something happens to the family car because of me, even a scratch, I would be screamed at or at least they will get mad...

[Mayumi_ in reply to sad_watermelon]

Can you somehow calm yourself like meditating or shut off outside noises and focus on yourself and on what you do? It sounds a troublesome😔

Any friends who you can borrow a car from and can support you in your zest?

(Why you don't wanted to get a licence?🥺

Because of the pressure?)

I bet you are doing it great, just slowly and carefully you will be gradually better 🥺

[sad_watermelon in reply to Mayumi_]

All my friends have a stick shift license and stick shift cars. I took a licence only for automatic transmission cars because I have a left leg issue that would have made it harder for me and could have caused trouble. I didn't want the licence because I am really afraid of driving. I am responsible for so many people this way and this terrifies me. What if I hurt someone?? All my life I have been told that I am awful when it comes to thinking (thanks dad) so I guess I have this stuck in my head and I already believe it. In my head I am stupid, a bad driver, irresponsible and I can't think... I knew that after I take my licence I would have to drive a lot and this scared me. Now I avoid driving as much as I can, because I am so tired of getting out of the car almost in tears and with shaky legs and a heart rate similar to the one that you get when you bungee jump.

In a month I am leaving and going to another county where I guess I won't be driving for 3-5 years (I don't have a car 😂) and I will forget everything and lose completely my ability to drive.

Don't get me wrong, I really want to be able to drive, but the condition it puts me in makes me want to abandon it

[Mayumi_ in reply to sad_watermelon]

Sorry to hear this. I had the same with my mom, ahe always forced me to think about myself this way. Its so damaging. My coach said its not my thoughts. It might help for you too. Even its so much time you heard them saying bad things, its not your own thoughts. You need to be kind for yourself 💙I hope leaving will give you much strength and some release from your current life. Fresh new start I guess so.

My ex-friend said driving is like biking, you can't easily forget it, but you will see if you get back to it.

Best wishes in the future🍀✨

[Turnipgirl in reply to Mayumi_]

I know a fair few people who have gone through life never even trying to learn to drive as one mate of mine said she has never had the courage to try!

Back when I was 17 and my parents found out I had given up on learning to drive heaven forbid you would have thought that the world had ended and the sky had come crashing in in the way they reacted which was stupid!

[Willow2022]

You are not stupid at all. I had a friend similar to you: scared to death to drive but parents forced her to and then she had to if she wanted to go to school. She only drove roads she knew, never on a highway or interstate and never with anyone in the car. As far as I know, that is how she made it work.

The point is, she made it work in a way that was comfortable for her. Maybe you can drive once down your street everyday or to the store everyday to build confidence. Or, are you able to take lessons? Perhaps an instructor might make you feel calmer: they have seen all kind of drivers 🙂.

I do have to say that my heart goes out to you with the attitude your parents have. It is hard enough to believe in ourselves but to have someone talking down to you often can feel overwhelming.

[Turnipgirl in reply to Willow2022]

Thats what happened to me when I first tried learning to drive when I was 17 I just got so fed up over the spiteful comments off my parents that I gave up!

One of my friends said how they weren't born with a steering wheel in their hands so should shut up with the put downs!

I did pass my test first go at 43!

[Hidden]

I failed my drivers exam twice because I had so much anxiety-

The one thing that helped me to relax was that my parents made me take driving lessons from a driving school.

While I did do drivers ed (I was 17/18 when I got my license?)- there were 3 other people in the car, and I was constantly on edge because I felt like they were judging me and I was constantly comparing myself to them.

When I got the driving lessons from a driving school, it was just me and the instructor.

It helped to lessen my anxiety and increased my exposure to driving bc I want taking turns with other people. It was also helpful for me bc I obviously didn’t have a personal relationship with the instructor, but when I was in drivers ed I was friends with the other people in my car (who loved to tease me since I was the only female in the car lol)

I’d suggest doing something like that- or find a friend you feel really comfortable around and ask them if they’ll go with you instead of your parents (when I was learning I refused to go with my dad because he was hypercritical and made me feel like an idiot the one and only time I went with him- I actually parked the car and got out it was so frustrating lol) but when I went with my uncle, he was really laid back and encouraging/supportive.

Hope that helps— I totally remember that being a nightmare but you’ll get through it

[Turnipgirl in reply to Hidden]

I remember trying to learn to drive when I was 17 and I got so fed up with receiving spiteful comments that I gave up!

One of my friends said how the people making the spiteful comments were the ones with the problems after he had asked me why had I given it up and how it isn't like me to do things like that so I had said and he suggested a break and try again when I was ready!

[Turnipgirl]

I was 43 when I passed my test on the first go and one of my friends knows someone who was 65 when they passed so there's no rush!

[CLB1125]

oh I’m so sorry. Practice is the key. You’re not stupid, just inexperienced. We made our daughter get her license also. We don’t have buses or cabs around here so driving is essential. Now she drives all over. I grew up on a farm so I knew how before I took the driving lessons. So it was much easier for me. What we did for our daughter was set up a place like a parking space. I think we used saw horses and let her practice. Do you have a friend that could take you out to practice that you feel comfortable with? BUT you are not stupid!

[mizzou7016]

I didn't get my license until i was about 25 years old....couldn't afford it when I was younger...and my mom made me pay for insurance and gas......which I was definitely ok with...but I was also paying my way through college at the time....

[Alpakka123]

They seriously treat you like this because you have a hard time driving? That's awful!! Do they realize that not everyone can drive?? I can't drive and I'll never be able to drive because of my disability.

I did drive a moped at one point (there aren't nearly as many controls and no pedals on those). Is it that you are overwhelmed by the amount of controls a car has (in addition to all that you have to pay attention to while driving)?

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

I am just afraid to cause trouble on the road. I don't want to do something wrong that might put somebody else in a dangerous or stressful situation. I am also afraid of the other divers ( a lot of them don't follow the rules in my country)

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Have you told your parents this? Because these are very very valid concerns that should be heard. You have just as much right to be heard as the next person.

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

I explained it to them multiple times. I think they understand me, but try to calm me down so I don't panic too much, but sometimes (often) when they are angry, their behaviour is not helping me at all...I understand that driving is good. It's helpful, really helpful. And I want to have this confidence and be able to drive well, but maybe I need more practice.

Sadly I am moving abroad for university and I won't have a car there so I will probably forget everything

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Yes, I thought so (that you had talked to them). I was just checking.Yes, practice makes perfect (or passable or doable or however you'd like that to go).