I feel an anxiety attack coming on

[dee_bells]

I just took an anxiety pill and I'm having a hard time holding back tears.

My husband bought his 4th truck (he has 4) and drove over to our daughter's house and picked up our 4 yr old grandson. They went somewhere, I don't know. But my daughter won't let Zachary ride with me -- probably cuz she thinks I'm crazy.

I don't feel I can type -- I feel alone. I want to jump in my car and keep driving.

It's awful because my cat depends on me and since my mother passed last year my older sister came to live my husband and I. She is on the autism spectrum and her mentality is that of an 8 year old.

Ughhhhhh

[Hidden]

It’s cool. That is awesome you are taking care of your sister.

[dee_bells in reply to Hidden]

Yeah well, I want to live a happy life like my siblings but I have a child living with me. I don't want this life anymore. I've been told I'm the kind one. Screw that, I want to go to Cozumel like they have done. But she can never be left alone.

[gogogirl in reply to dee_bells]

If you are in the USA- can you talk to social services so you can get some relief or respite care? It sounds like you need a break big time! You are human.

[Passionatebutterfly]

I can tell ur mind is racing and u are all ove mr the place with ur thoughts. Take a deep breath and sit down in a quiet room and turn on some nice peaceful music that u love. Dont say anything dont think just sit Indian styke or lie on the bed and close your eyes and take in the music. Every beat, every word, everything to that song. Listen to it over snd over or a list of songs that u love. I like to out on jewel when I get like u. And then let out a cry. When u get to where u are at where u are justa bout to explode, the only thing u can do is cry and that is alright. Take it one step at a time. Ine minute of u have to. But do that and then after u r done and let out a cry. Pic up a pen and start to journal or draw or color. Or do something else that u love. Or better yet, listen to a sermon. I like to listen to charles stanley on YouTube. He is very uplifting snd gives me hope that god will make everything better. Again take it down a noch and take it one step at a time. I hope I helped and good luck. Only u can get rid of this anxiety you are facing. nd then come on here and help someone else. The whole giving back really works. Sometimes whem I camt help myself, I help someone else and that helps me. Just a thought. Take care.

[dee_bells in reply to Passionatebutterfly]

Thank you! I will do that! I had to pop a acid reflux and then baby aspirin. My chest began to hurt.

I have borderline personality disorder too.

I'm a writer. I want to write my story cuz you can't make this stuff up. I'm just not in the right mind yet.

I love music--such a wonderful idea. I truly appreciate it. ❤️

[Passionatebutterfly in reply to dee_bells]

No problem. I too have borderline personality disorder, we truly are on our own if we want to get better. Others helping others is the way to do it. But having s good treatment center is also a must. But not the main things in ur life. There are so many wayd to ease ur own mind and u are strong enough to fix urself once u know the tools.

[Pepe1962 in reply to dee_bells]

I had been told that by someone if he was qualified to render that diagnosis for me. I like for that person to walk a mile in my boots one day.

[Agora1 in reply to Passionatebutterfly]

Passionatebutterfly, what inspiring words. I couldn't have picked a better day to read your response to dee_bells. It was one of those days where life can seem so overwhelming. I cried a bucket of tears earlier, stopped shaking, the butterflies disappeared and I am now reaching out to help someone else. You are so right in the helping others, helps ourselves. That was a thought provoking response. Thanks... xx

[mickeyshell88]

Why hold back the tears? I find it’s a release.

[dee_bells in reply to mickeyshell88]

True. Crying gives me a headache.

[mickeyshell88 in reply to dee_bells]

Maybe you get the headache from fighting the tears. Just relax and let your body release

[Agora1 in reply to dee_bells]

So true dee_bells.... you have to know how much you can cry as a release but

not as a precursor to a headache. Learned the hard way years ago xx

[AmIHappy]

you are strong as u take care of sister who behaves like 8 years old that needs courage to handle her! and u have if take care of her so hw come u can be crazy! it is just u have anxiety..dont worry everything will be fine..see one day that will come soon where ur daughter will come to understand that you are not crazy and we let you ride with ur grandson and i think is zachary that u have mentioned..express ur thoughts and ideas with us and WELCOME TO THIS COMMUNITY!

[dee_bells in reply to AmIHappy]

Thank you! As soon as I read "you are strong" I started to hyperventilate and cry. I have been strong for 37 years (the age of my son--the oldest) but I'm tired of being strong.

I care and love my sister and one of the worst things I had to do in my life was tell her that her best friend, companion had died. My mom died at the hospital at almost midnight and it was unexpected. The look on my sister's face is something I'll never forget. At my moms funeral, we have two estranged siblings (because of my brother and younger sister arguing over money when my dad died) my brother patted my sister on her shoulder. He's older than me. No where you going to live, how are you doing, nothing. I'm bitter. I'm tired of being strong. I have helped her to get disability (my mother thought she was fine/denial) and she has a caretaker 3 times a week.

Is it too much to ask of my son, daughter or husband, what can we do for you? My husband and I went away for a few days last December and I asked my daughter if my sister could stay with them. I HAD to pay them and her fiancé is a millionaire!!! My daughter doesn't work. Uggghhh I live in crazytown!!!

[mickeyshell88 in reply to dee_bells]

I’m with you dee_bells. I’m tired of being strong. People forget about we are human and we need help also. We shouldn’t have to beg for help

[dee_bells in reply to mickeyshell88]

And if you're like me, you don't want to beg. I want to put something on FB about it would be nice if I heard from my kids. My son lives over a thousand miles away and he texts me daily but my daughter lives 15 minutes away and all I get is crickets. My kids are very nonsocial on FB. It's hard but I'm not contacting them.

[AmIHappy in reply to dee_bells]

sometimes u really need to be show how you feel and u also get hurt too as u are also a human being to ur closed ones it is not easy be strong everytime and once in a while just lash out , scream as much you can or show ur anger in a different way and tell them you are also a human! coz people forget that we also get hurt and need some help sometime but we should not beg for help too. Once you show ur closed ones how u are feeling lately they will atleast come to their senses that u are hurt from inside!

im sorry if i wrote too much!

[dee_bells in reply to AmIHappy]

No worries. Unfortunately I am very confrontational and I lashed out at my daughter one year ago. I was shocked that my daughter got in my face and was yelling at me. Her fiancé got in between us and was saying things will be okay. He is the sweetest guy ever and my husband is a marshmallow. My husband is not a comforting person. Well, not to me. I believe that I don't make the best decisions. So I don't know what to say to them.

[mickeyshell88 in reply to dee_bells]

There shouldn’t be a reason that before you’re angry and lash out, that you can’t reasonably talk to your daughter and say you need some help. For your own sake! We are strong. And we do get tired of being strong but we can’t expect people to read our minds. It’s not weak of us to ask for help

[dee_bells in reply to mickeyshell88]

You're right but I hold a grudge. I have been feeling pretty lousey the last couple days. I just can't deal with my husband or daughter.