I feel like I need to cut my family out of my life, and it's frightening me

I had broken up with my boyfriend over a year ago and reluctantly moved back in to my parents house, and I'm a 50 year old woman. It has not been working out very well between me and my parents. Two weeks ago I grabbed some things in a duffle bag and took an Uber cab back to stay with my boyfriend. There is just cold silence between me and my family. I thought me and my ex were over but now I'm feeling like he's the only person who really cares about me. I'm so sad and depressed. I haven't been taking showers regularly and I stay in bed a lot and don't want to leave the apartment. Me and him are both very broke but he is very good to me. Neither one of us has a car anymore, and we're both trying to survive on disability. I just wish I could work at a well paying job and get us both out of poverty, but that seems like that will never happen now. My family is so toxic to me. Right now I feel like my boyfriend is the only reason I'm not attempting suicide. I sleep a lot and I constantly just want to escape reality. I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I don't want to reach out to my family at all, they have been so mean and abusive towards me. It feels like we're really done. My parents are both almost 80 and I feel so bitter towards both of them. I don't want any inheritance from them and I don't want to be at their funerals. This is that bad. I don't want to be in touch with my 2 sisters or my nephew either. Maybe by doing this I'll have more peace in my life, just feel very sad about it.

[KMarti19]

Wow I can relate. My mother was pretty aweful that I get anxiety so so bad if I see her. I have ptsd with her with church(which is sad). And also dating. I had bad relationship way way back twenty yrs ago and it still effects me. What I can say is are you on some meds for your depression? Get some if not. Then you have to start getting out of house. Anything just get out. I find walks really helpful but we need people too. I am sorry you and you’re family are not healthy.

[Hidden in reply to KMarti19]

Thank you for responding. Yes I do take medication, I have bipolar disorder, but it isn't much help. Can't believe things have become so bad between me and my family and it just seems unfixable. It's easy to blame me because I've been diagnosed with this disorder, but the rest of them have a lot of issues themselves and my dad is very narcisstic. I know I'm the family scapegoat. I'm really hitting rock bottom and I don't know how to climb my way out of it.

[goldieoldie]

Im so sorry to hear about your problems....your right to go back to parents and expect them to understand is too much ,especially since they are elderly and are very set in their ways---you can never change that ;im approaching 75 very young in many ways and have a open mind on all topics,though certain happenings in ones life tends to mar the future----yes ,you are in need of a good friend when you fall out with male friend .its so difficult to have to live on virtually nothing-----let this family feud die down -----my own siblings are unable to connect as in the word itself--- as they are lacking in human understanding for want of a better description-----sp many people throughout the world are in dire straits because of this awful Virus,but its slowly getting better ......and I hope relations improve for you too.

[Hidden in reply to goldieoldie]

Thank you so much!!! My mom isn't too bad, in a lot of ways she understands and she cares. My dad- different story. Quite honestly I don't think my sisters like being around him either. He's becoming this mean and bitter old man.

[goldieoldie in reply to Hidden]

hi im glad you geton with you mom,as for your dad I guess he will never change and thats that..mine was the same ,my mum was the grafter in our large family....