Am I a burden?

[Yantryingtohelpbro]

My bro stopped answering on my text more than a month ago and all that time I tried to reach out for him somehow. Recently I saw that my letter to him (he lives in different country) was delivered and still I have no answer from him. The last time we talked he said that he has internet problems. I am really worried that I might be a burden for him and his family if I will keep sending him real letters, but I miss him and worrying about him too much. We shared pretty a lot intimate moments together and we are very similar in our life experience, so I don't want to lose contact with him completely or forget about him. What should I do? Am I will be annoying dork for trying and sending him more letters? Thank you for your reading.

[Username1114]

Hi. Few things you can try. First, recognize that not all thoughts our mind creates are true. (Refering to statement you used where you were doubting if you were burden to your brother). No reply does not necessarily means that he/his family thinks that you are a burden. This is you "perceiving" (Giving meaning to experience that you are having). In our emotional moments it happens that our emotional brain takes over our rational mind. And labels like burden feels like truth that we can't deny because the whole experience is very emotionally charged. And it is difficult in that moment to keep emotions and logic seperate. (We have word for this too called amygdala hijack and I am refering to cognitive distortions (lies mind tells us- you can search it) too

You can reflect on why no reply from his side is so triggering for you that you are feeling as if he will forget or abandon you and that too so easily ? Go deep into this feeling where you question why am I feeling that person I like will leave me. Is it really truth or again my mind is playing games and fear of abandonment is what it is using to make me feel sad and lonely. That too as protection mechanism.

You also have evidence that you care about your bro. Sending Real letters is a big deal, when I read your post I was like there is someone who is showing love through letters how cool is that!! So keep doing that. It is your victory as you tried to express care from your side and that is in itself so great. So you can celebrate that win.

You can also reflect on what the worst that can happen if he doesn't reply at all. Would that mean that feeling of care/love you have about him are invalid?

You can only control your mindset - you do good karma and let go of expectations. Actions like these won't go to waste trust me. Your expressions (through letters) are what you have in control, you can't base your whole identity and self worth on anybody's reply. You are a good caring person who is no burden on anybody but a person with own unique existence and who occupy space on this earth because you deserve it. Be kind to yourself

I hope this helps. Sending more power to you.

[bethelbee in reply to Username1114]

Great reply!!

[Yantryingtohelpbro in reply to Username1114]

wow, thank you very much, this helped actually pretty a lot. I got a little better understanding since the day i wrote this post, because i found our chat in a game where i read a message where he told that he loves me, that made me go a little up with my feelings to him. I also sent him another letter on monday that will reach him probably in 20 days, so I will wait for now. Thank you for your reply, Username1114! <3

[Midori]

Hi There,

Possibly there are things going on in his life that are being considered 'more' important than getting back to you, It can be very worrisome, especially as he is in a different country.

Having looked back at your previous posts, I can understand your worries better, Substance abuse is not easy to live with, even with him so far away. I really don't think you can help him from where you are, but I'm not suggesting you go to him; I have a feeling he would prefer to be left alone to sort this out as best he can. It is entirely possible he has stopped responding deliberately, Substance abuse can make folk really aggressive to the point of cutting off the people trying to help them.

I can't really advise you further at present.

Cheers, Midori

[Yantryingtohelpbro in reply to Midori]

I understand, thank you for letting me see more reasons of his behaviour, I think you might be right, I need to give him some more time. Thank you for reply, Midori! <3

[Midori in reply to Yantryingtohelpbro]

You are very welcome.

Cheers, Midori