I am loosing hope

I am mother of a 20 years old son, after my divorse 10 years ago my son went through a very difficult time. His older brother moved in with me and he was left to live with his abusive father during school and then finally after going to court for so long he ended up living after school & weekend with us . His father was extremely abusive to him mentally and physically . He lost so much weight from130 pounds to 90. Both kids were seeing Therepest during that time . When he turned 18 he was half way through high school he moved to my house & went through a very deep depression. He did not leave his room for 6 months . Since then he has been hospitalized dozens of times for attempting sudecid, he has lots of anxiety, body dysmorphia , depression . For about 6 months he connected with some friends I was so happy he was starting to socialize but he got into all kinds of drugs. After an accident he stoped all the drugs & the wrong friends . He is now back to the same place , he is in bed & has no energy to do anything . He finished high school & he wants to go to college . But he has no energy. He is under care of a psychiatrist . He is given meds to wake up aderall meds for his anxiety, Xanax meds for his OCD . Trzedone clonepan, methophaladne,to name a few, he also has had zisures about 5 times . One of the medications I think it was aderal made him extremely paranoids. He never had that in the past . Now he is afraid of people, computers& anything electrical.he is super smart computer programmer. I have spend my life savings on him & I don't care about that except he keeps telling me he is never going to get better and he describe himself as vegetable . He is a very smart kid & loving . He senses are very strong so he feels other people's sadness . He is always giving things away or doing things for others . He started giving all of his belonging to others that he thought need it more than he does . I would give my life to get him better. He is very smart and reads about different meds& talks to his doctor about trying something different . His doctor tells him I am the doctor & I will tell u what to take. I am lost . I know he is exhausted and he feels my sadness . He tells me he is just tired of all this& I know in my heart he can get better. Sometimes He tells me I take meds for everything and my body is forgetting g how to produce happiness naturally. By the way his father stoped talking to him when my son moved in With me. All he wants is to make him proud . I wish I knew where to take him so he can get the right meds & therepy & his meds could be monitored and he tells me he needs cognitive therapy. . Can any one help me please. I am a single mom. My 2 boys are my life. I am afraid he is melting away . I can't loose him. I can not remember the last time I slept all night. I listen to him breath . He has lost more weight. Where can I take him. I work during the day . He is all I think about all the time. Can anyone help me please? His dream is to become an international detective & fight for his country . I will take him anywhere . I just don't know enough about what is available. Time is running out . Please I need direction & hope. I know I write too much Thank you !!!

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  • if his doctor will not listen to him, why not get a doctor that will listen to and work with your son.🤔

    You tell us the medications he is on does not seem to be working for him in any way. Then you tell us your son is smart and reads up on medications which he suggests but his doctor refuses to listen or at least understand why the boy is asking for the changes. So don't you see that the boy needs a different doctor, one that at least respects him enough to understand that the boy, who is actually the one suffering here, says his meds aren't doing the job and it is best he start trying something else?

    by the way, no matter what happened to him during his growing years, he is an adult now and should be making the decisions on what doctor he wants, right? So maybe suggest he finds a better doctor for himself. 🤔

    hope he is also getting help for the trauma you say he had to live with while with his father. That sort of baggage works against treatment of any other kind and is why many are placed with therapists even as they pursue medication for treatment.

  • U poor thing....... It must be SO HARD seeing your son/children slowly but surely disapear under the load of life. I have been thru all that myself as a child. I was badly abused physically as many of my friends were & mental abuse too . I guess I am lucky, I've been mentally strong & managed to overcome my own woes & come up fighting the other side. I haven't got a short cut or tell u what to do other than your GP is your first person to talk to ..........short of that, she should be able to link u up with the appropriate Dr or psychiatrist . U can't go willy nilly try everything at the SAMWE time.......This is a long SLOOOOOW process. How old is your son now.> U sound like u need support too...........What about other member of your family? Don't they help.Can they help. I am trying to start a support Group for people suffering from OCD............If u want to talk to me, email me jeanniicolbourne@gmail.com

    I think DRUGS are NOT always the answer unless one is very sure of the diagnosis .............or It confuses the brain . There are no short cut......perhaps taking him out daily, small steps , small little daily enjoyments /treats mean far more. U must be so weighed down too.......who listens to your woes?

  • God bless u, you sound so caring u say he should connect with the right doctor , he has been to at least 7 doctors many hospital stay. How do I find out who is the right doctor? He is 21& extremely smart frozen in a. Body that doesn't allow him to move. We don't have much support . People think he should just snap out of it and start applying himself . Every day he tells me I wish theirs was a pill to get me better or get it over with. He is tired. I am sure he listen to me cry at night . I try to. Be strong for him telling him I survive cancer at an early age with lots of issues . My boys are my miricle babies because I was told I could not get pregnant. Now I have 2 beautiful boys. I tell him we can beat this. I lay by him give him a rub on his back and tell him tomorrow will be better , I believe in Mirixles . I know their is someone out their that can help him. I will not give up. Every day I take an step towards his wellness .i will go any where & do anything to get him well. Thanks for your feedback . God bless

  • You are correct with everything u say, . At the beginning we tried at least 7 doctors till we found this Hollestic doctor to work with our schedule . Getting my son out of the house during the day is impossible so he see us after 6:00 pm. I think he doesn't trust my son because he took too much of Xanax because his anxiety got so bad he thought he was dyeing. He is given meds weekly now and I am in charge of that. I feel stupid & lost because I don't know where to go next. He does not abuse medication. But his doctor say his OCD will make him want to take more. I think I am afraid if we leave this doctor can any other doctors work with us? I know that may not make seance. I think I am also frozen & afraid . I am going to try to take him back to our family doctor again to see what he recommend . We don't have much support around us. The doctors don't have much time to spend with us to get to the bottom of his illness so they start writing prescription. His body went into shock 3 times with his muscle spasms and he could not talk or breath after 3 different emergency rooms in one night they finally realized he has allergic reaction to one of his meds. We live in Wichita ks. If anyone has a suggestion of a caring doctor let me know. Also I will be glad to take him anywhere out of state to see k help. He also compare himself to his older brother who went through the worse abuse , received therepy left the country leaned 3 languages was accepted at MIT and graduating with a doctorate degree this June at age 26 . They are extremely close. Cameron feels like he failed at life. He is only21. Yes he is old enough to make his own decisions but not well enough to do anything about it. I make sure he eates showers , and move a little . He is super smart and he wants to do so much more. I wish their was a support group or a place that could direct us. I am feeling like I shoot in the dark daily. I read constantly about his sickness . But what do I know. I am just a mom who is willing to give her life for her son to get better. Any ideas. Sorry for the long note! God bless

  • Hi ..............This is Jeannii again. U need to sit down take a deep intake of air & start again. U have become a headless chicken , pecking at everything anyone throws at u. Pity, I live across the pond in Kent/ the Garden of England but I'll try to support u . I lived in Vermont for many years. U obviously have a doctor who is very unsupportive. go your local Medical Center. ask them of a list of doctors near u who deals with the list of conditions your son suffers from . Make a list or u'll forget ( don't waffle or people won't take u seriously ) & if u sound unsure, no one can give u the right guidance. Check the list out, ask people's opinion ........u don't have to go into details of your son's condition to everyone. . Don't read too much about his condition unless u want to DIY .......use it as a guidence . This has overloaded u with information u don't know how to use to treat your son. Take him out daily, have a coffee or tea out, take a walk , go swimming etc .....Get him to open up to u, don't judge or give him suggestions .if it worked, u wouldn't be in this position. Be his mum & friend . When u have done this research, ring the docters make appt. & go with him on his first appt. u don't have to go in with him but driving him there will suffice ........Whatever u do with him, be truthful to him, he needs to be able to trust u NO MATTER how good your intentions are. If u are unsure about something, say nothing .........support does not mean smother. Part of his problem sounds like he is unable to make decisions for himself so building his self worth is what he needs from u. Sit down, have a small glass of wine to help u relax if it helps u sleep.

    It's more important to get it right first time than rushing ..............

  • Jeannil thank you again for your feed back , I called couple of doctors today so I can take my son for an evaluation & to my surprise when they asked who he is seeing right now and I told them the name of the doctor they denied seeing any of this doctors patient. I obviously asked why and they would not share that with me .i finally contacted our Gp and he recommended a group of doctors and they will interview my son and match him to the right doctor and therapist . I am just so very happy about that , I know it doesn't mean they have a manic pill but I feel like I am taking another step forward even if its 3 weeks away. I got a sort of a smile out of my son's voice . He didn't smile . I also made an appointment with a therapist for myself. I realized I have become an empty shell myself . I don't enjoy doing anything anymore . But I tell my son life is beautiful when I just want to put a pillow on my head and cry. I realized today how broken I was and why my son feels so bad and guilty when he sees his mom loosing hope in life herself . I had no idea how sad & lonely I was . My job is to be a mother an empower him to fight through. Thanks for switching the light on for me. I do need help. Thank you!!!!

  • jeanni , you are right , I think Ii have learned enough to make me feel insecure . Thanks for all the feed back . Yes I am lost . I will do as you recommended . Isn't this amazing no amount of education or life experience can prepare you for anything like this . Thank u!!!

  • U are finding your own path back , u just had a detour .......and u have me as a friend. I guess it's becos I've always been alone , as from a child.....My parents didn't want me. My husband was abusive too .I am emotionally & mentally very strong & if I told u my story, ........u'll ask me how I managed it.

  • More power to u!! I find myself the hardest the time I just become little stronger . I have always kept things to myself but I have learned so much the last few days being in this sight meeting people like u & just talk & not worrying . Your strength is applauded,!!! I am so humbled that u give so freely but yet have experienced hard time . U are a blessing , thank u!!! U make life more beautiful , how did u become so stronger? Bless u

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