Recently, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I have suffered from anxiety and depression my entire life, but it has just gotten progressively worse as my life has gone on. This year, I have been working two jobs, having a relationship, living with my dad, and balancing life in general. My one job has been in an incredibly toxic environment where I have felt marginalised, mistreated and has caused the resurfacing of my anxiety (to a certain extent).
I began having panic attacks about 2 months ago, starting small but now escalating. I am feeling demotivated to live and feel misunderstood by everyone.
I have pushed my partner away to the point where I am not even certain if I love him or whether I have been just holding onto him in the fear of being alone. The idea of him leaving me causes my anxiety but the idea of keeping him attached to me while I am like this kills me.
We were supposed to be moving in together in January... but I am scared I'm not ready for that, that we aren't meant to be together and that I've been saying "I'm fine" to him for too long. Maybe I just misunderstand him, maybe I'm the one too stuck in my anxious ways to take the time to see what makes him tick, why he is the way he is, why I am the root cause of his and my unhappiness.
I just want to normalize some of these feelings, I want to know that I am not alone, that people have made it out on the other side of this.
I also have severe anxiety. .. and social anxiety bad . Holding a job is very diffcult alone for me to do . So I think you having that much make you more normal than me lol.. as far as the boyfriend thing goes, idk . If you aren't ready to move in, don't. If you aren't sure if you even want to be with him or are just afraid to be alone, think about what made you like him in the first place? Do you still feel that? You should really tell him how you feel instead of saying you're fine when you aren't tho . Communication n stuff. You aren't alone in what you feel tho , lots of us feel what you do at some point or another . I think it's the anxiety causing your unhappiness, I know its a cause for mine.
Anxiety is a tricky thing. I know when I think about what I want and how to achieve it and stuff on that sort, it causes panic in me. Whicvi know Is the anxiety . The wanting to change is not the anxiety .. hard to explain this lol ... If you think about idk , moving in with your boyfriend what about it makes you not want it? When you think about leaving him what does that feel like? Are you afraid to be alone or do you just really not want to lose this one guy? What have you been most dishonest about and why were you? Healing comes with time. I've been told it gets better , I'm still in the needing healing stage myself . Just trying to help
I can only tell you what helps me. 6-8 hours of sleep each night. 30-60 minutes of daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins. And the game changer for me is the Wim Hof breathing exercises twice or 3 times daily. And cold shower twice daily. You tube Wim Hof guided breathing exercises. Yes you will make it out. I pray a lot too. I pray to a god I don’t understand. I just know god is there and all this amazing life is not a freak accident. I pray during the breath hold on the breathing exercises. And I pray while in the real cold shower. 5-8 minutes. I pray before I get out of bed and before I sleep. If you are not a believer I will not push it. I don’t follow the rich preachers on t v . I don’t think they are any closer to god then we are.
Those are a lot of stressful events! Sounds like you need to take care of yourself right now so you can heal and feel better. I wouldn't try to figure out your feelings for him until your anxiety starts settling down. He will wait for you if he's a good man. Therapy could really help you to sort through all these issues. And yes, you are completely normal! Your anxiety is a red flag that life's pressures are affecting you. Hope things start turning around soon for the better.
I am so sorry that you are going through this storm of depression. I can remember sometimes back in the past of when I have dealt with depression. It was a horrible fearful time in my life. -I do not know where you stand with your spiritual life, but one of the best things that I had ever done for myself to find courage, faith/ hope, love, peace, and strength was to cry out to God! "God, Lord Jesus, Help Me!" I can not bear the weight of my anxiety and fear and feeling of hopelessness. Please help me! I do not know what to pray, but I do know that I need you and your help. I cannot do this alone anymore. Forgive me, Jesus, for I know not what I do. Lead me, help find direction and meaning and peace in my life.
Thank you Jesus for loving and dying upon the cross for me.
In Jesus Precious Name, Amen
If you have prayed this prayer with me, and really truly meant it, you have taken the first step to find real and true hope and peace and love in your life. Congratulations! The second step that helped me out was finding someone who already knew Jesus Christ and telling them about my accepting Him into my life. Sometimes, it is easier to talk to someone that you do not personally know. I found a church to get involved in and visited with the pastor and he connected me up with some people from the church. Eventually, our time together ended up turning into lifetime friendships. This gave me the courage and strength, our friendship grew where I found hope, love, and peace and they helped me grow in knowledge and wisdom. If you think that you need further help, I have also used a great free counseling resource called FOTF; 18553825433. They have given me great counseling advice and had helped me find the right direction for the problems that I had been working through.
I hope that you do not mind, that I will be praying for you! God bless you!
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