I started a room remodel. I hired a guy new to town. We agreed to an hourly rate, discussed what needed to be done and I bought the supplies. He was here for about an hour as he did some patching on my ceiling and moved my things out of the room. He worked fast. The next morning he texted me saying he wanted more money. (strike 1) I never agreed to it. I thought I would wait and see. That day he came and worked at a snails pace (strike 2) The third day no call, no show. The next morning he sent me a text saying a water pipe broke in his house and said he sent a text the day before both lies. (strike 3) I told him I was ending the project. He went psycho on me calling me names, (liar, evil, tricky...) trying to guilt me into keeping him because he has a new baby,(not my issue) demanding money..... I told him he was being unprofessional. Anyhow I never spoke to him again. It wasn't personal, it was business he needs to learn how to do business.
My brother came down for Thanksgiving and worked on my room about 4-6 hours a day. I just found out this morning that he complained about me to my mom everyday. She enjoyed telling me. It was about stuff I could have changed if he talked to me.
I am a terrible person, I am stupid and messy and bought the wrong materials, in the way.... Well crap! I cleaned up the work space everyday after he left, I cooked for him, made lots of coffee, and handed him tools... All with one arm in a brace. I was really trying. I complimented his work, thanked him profusely, I took him and Mom to dinner..... Yes, my living room is a mess as it is full of stuff that used to be in that room but he didn't access the living room, he just saw it. .....Mom enjoyed telling me how she doesn't like my color scheme, how I should , should, ......I mentioned that the electrician and a pro construction guy are coming over today to finish the job. Then she goes off about all of these things I have to do for them!
I am just a big A-hole. Now I feel crushed that my brother is mad at me, that he said all of those terrible things about me. Mom grinds me down and hates all of my ideas for decorating. Everything I do is WRONG! I am just a big F-up.
Written by
Raggedy-Ann
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Nope nope nope!!! You are NOT a fuck up...your "family members" are projecting their insecurities onto you. Kudos for standing up to the BS contractor and not letting him take advantage of your financial arrangement, but your family is no different. You should be allowed to be YOURSELF with WHATEVER decorating scheme you want to surround yourself with in your OWN 🏡 HOME. Just cuz they're FAMILY doesn't give them permission to denigrate you, but so often we allow them to hurt us psychologically ONLY because they are family. That is NOT the definition of a family, imo. If they can't respect your boundaries, find a new family and surround yourself with those that support and uplift you. That is what you deserve.... PERIOD!! My husband estranged himself from his destructive family almost 6 yrs ago and it was the best decision of his life. I have tons of experience in this unfortunate situation . Try not to feel bad... you're not the ones in the wrong here. It's sad when family is more destructive than strangers
Thanks, I do my best not having anyone else in my space. The judgment and criticism really messes with my head.
I stopped inviting my mom in my house.
Today, after talking to her, I watched the beginning of a decorating video by Corey Damen Jenkins. I needed a lift. One thing he said was "Surround your space with color and things you really like, things that celebrate you."
My mom always make me feel bad about my choices. She has ruined many things of mine for me with her remarks. Yes, she was an award winning interior designer, no joke. In the past she would come into my home and move the furniture, move around my artwork and it pissed me off. I always put everything back the way had it. This is a hot button issue for me.
Since they're completely obtuse to the cruelness of their actions, or worse, if it's being done purposely to offend, insult and and manipulate you directly to your face AND behind your back....why should you listen to one shred of nonsense they spew? You're their unfortunate target because they honestly are horribly insecure themselves and feel they can inflate their egos at your expense. You are not obligated to respect their space or boundaries because they obviously don't care about yours. And that's hard. But just cuz mom is an award winning decorator doesn't mean she has the vision or creativity to express herself. You love to create a living space that comforts and reflects who you are and what you love. Your mom may not have that ability in her rigid repressed thinking and is jealous of your creativity and freedom of expression....thus she criticizes your choices as being untraditional or unconventional..... for example.
This is your life. Be you, be shamelessly you... especially in your own home❣️😇
Hey there 👋!! I just replied to your most current post about Psychedelics. I knew we'd had a conversation in the past!!😃 How did your renovation update in your apartment go? Hopefully your Mom isn't rearranging the furniture anymore 😂and your space is bursting with your personality
You are not the A-hole here . Sound like your brother may be tho. And well your mom. Just because of going behind your back to talk shit instead of going to you about whatever the issue was. And your mom for thinking she knows how to decorate or anything when it's not even hers. Everybody has different ideas of how they want to do their homes or anywhere else.
And well.. contractors unfortunately usually always end up being shady people . Some just get the money and run.
I only pay when the job is finished. Nobody else gets paid before they work. I've heard it all so I am not easily manipulated. Business is business.
I used to flip houses in my 40s. I've worked along side all kinds of contractors/ characters. I did a lot of the work myself. I don't function very well working for others, I just didn't fit in anywhere. I created my own job. It was great money but exhausting.
You are none of these things at all. That guy is however, and as for your mum and brother words fail me. Tell them to get off your back. Don't feel angry at yourself but at them. You did the best you could and it's just life sometimes.
Now chin up and accept that these sort of things happen to all of us at times. Wine and chocolate is called for as that will help make you feel better. Go on - treat yourself. You deserve it. x
Oh wow! I think you handled things great! It's obvious to me who the A -holes are in this situation. I wouldn't allow these people back into my house! They are toxic! Have you ever watched any of Dr. Ramini's teachings on toxic families? If you are interested you can find them on YouTube. Best wishes. 💗
It’s most certainly not you. The problem is theirs. You are yourself and deserve to be treated with respect, I’ve known people like your mom and I had a very wise Grandfather who always said “if people are visiting to see what I’ve got (or haven’t got) then they need not bother coming at all”
A motto I now live by, as long as you’re comfortable with your choices then it has nothing to do with anyone else 💜
Other people's opinion of you doesn't have to become your reality. Wisdom comes from knowing that what others say about you is not your reality. It’s their reality. Refuse to be anyone's victim. Refuse to accept another’s estimation of yourself. You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
Stop fitting into the world when you are born to stand out. When you stop living your life from other’s point of view, you actually start living. Listen to your positive heart and stop living your life on someone else’s terms. Be strong and bold and remember you are a star. Every time you try to impress people, you are diminishing your own shine.
Self-acceptance plays a very crucial role in a happy and satisfying life. It’s okay to have flaws, everyone has some flaws but you should focus on the positive side of yourself. To be happy you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be real and accept yourself as you are because you are already enough. Self-acceptance makes you stronger mentally, emotionally and physically.
We are what we believe we are. Learn to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self-worth. Make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you.
Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.
Yes, you are special, you worth it and you are already enough!
Thank you. I agree with what you are saying it is logical. I am fairly broken. I have medicative resistant chronic depression. I have worked to get to a place where I currently feel safe. I love my family and know they love me but they don't always like me or are kind to me. I am not who they think I should be. I have recently put a stop to my mom body shaming me and finally I am feeling better about myself.......
Sounds like your mom is a real piece of work and is probably a narcissist to some degree and gets her kicks out of criticizing you so she can feel better about herself. You may have codependent issues that you could benefit from taking a look at and doing what you need to heal and be the healthy parent to yourself that you mother should have been in the first place.
The reality is that there is nothing wrong with you and there never was, you assumed things about yourself that weren't true because at the time you had no ability to understand they weren't true and that they weren't your issues but were your moms. A lot of us grew up with crappy parents and a crappy childhood but now that we are adults and realize that we don't have to believe all of the crap we assumed about ourselves we can learn to be the healthy parent to ourselves that we should have gotten in the first place.
You could really benefit from learning how to improve your self-worth/self-esteem and validate and nurture yourself and set healthy boundaries and stop being codependent on your mother. You may need to limit your contact with her and even confront her when you are ready, all things that are hard to do but may be necessary for your healing. There is a lot of good info on youtube about this as well as books and programs, you may even benefit from working a therapist about it.
thank you. I have a therapist, not a very good one. I still seek my mom's approval. She is 81 now and very opinionated and won't change. I am co-dependent. I have been working on it. After my last relationship I decided I am better off alone. I don't like these things about myself. I am working on changing.
you’ve just described family life mothers and daughters are always bouncing off each other one minute they are at each other the next they love each other with passion .
Give it time it’s so stressful having work done in your home and being ripped off it’s horrible I feel for you, but please don’t let all this get you down enjoy rebuilding YOUR lovely room sit back and sigh . It’s mine and how I want it .
Big respect to you for venting it helps give it time
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I am loosing hope 
I gave my heart to a sex offender 
A sad story
Am i being selfish?
