Diminshed Rockstar

[Desperate4Happiness]

I don't want to learn any more life lessons. I just want to live peacefully and happily away from the rest of the world.

The resentment and panic that I feel when I can't control a situation and the outcome pushes me into a severe state of panic.

Not being able to work this week because of my post-accident headache is stressing me out. All I can do is worry about the office work that is piling up. No matter what I do I can't get ahead.

I'm so used to being a Rockstar at work and now I feel like I'm just failing everyone including myself.

How did I allow myself to fall into this pit? How the hell do I get out of it?

I don't want to work but I can't stand being forced not to work due to health issues. I'm thankful that I walked away from the accident in one piece but resentful that I've fallen deeper into this grave filled with never ending panic and anxiety.

I don't know what it's like to be normal anymore. I hate MY normal. Why can't I find a way to change me? Why can't I be happy for more than a few blinks of an eye at a time?

I've been trying so hard to reconnect with my Christian roots because I need something, ANYTHING, to give me hope, a reason, a reward for not giving up.

In this moment, I would be satisfied with being locked in a safe space, with only happy memories, and locking out the rest of the world and my responsibilities for good.

A nervous breakdown, is this what it looks like?

[hypercat54]

Well if it is I am having one too as want exactly what you just said. My appetite for life is very low at the moment.

Just want to let you know you aren't alone.

[jackiesj]

Desperate4Happiness i get it...I am sorry to hear of an accident...yesterday a friend drove me around and i met one of her friends. So kind the thought....3 am wakeup and all the feelings you have are settled in my mind and heart. The NEW NORMAL does not stay this way. it does change. somedays for the better and well..we pray not for worse.Getting back to Christian roots has been a comfort for me..I definitely dont choose perfection because life isnt..a journey with company it may be.Today i want to give up. i can barely walk. I am not alone. You are not alone. thank you for your post.

[Desperate4Happiness in reply to jackiesj]

I'll advise you to take one day at a time, remember that you are also not alone, and I will try to practice what you and I preach. 🙂

[Highlighters]

So apart from that you are okay then

[Desperate4Happiness in reply to Highlighters]

I'm not sure if your comment was for me, but yes, I'm OK. I am trying to get better at focusing on the positive, even if I have to climb 30 stories to find it.

[Agora1]

Hi Desperate4Happiness...Those good and bad life experiences are what help us grow..

Without them, we stay stagnant. We learn each time we experience life.

I understand about wanting to be in control of our lives. Anxiety/Panic are built on that

foundation in loss of control. When we do, we panic OR we step out of that situation

stronger and more grateful for Life..

Believe it or not, being happy all the time can be boring as you lose your fight for

challenges and goals.

You say "in this moment, you would be satisfied to be locked in a safe place".

Watch what you wish for. Living with happy memories and nothing else, sounds like

an existence in an institution. Safe but not living.

Wishing you well on your journey to healing after your accident. xx

[Desperate4Happiness in reply to Agora1]

I know you're right but sometimes the exhaustion from the Rollercoaster ride gets to be too much. It would just be nice to have some breathing room in between the anxiety inducing experiences.

[Agora1 in reply to Desperate4Happiness]

I so hear you. My escape is going into Mindfulness Meditation each day.

A time that I can call my own without sleeping, just being me.

Wishing you that escape as well xx