I've stopped looking for a psychiatrist. It's been almost 4 months of non-stop disappointments and rejections so I'm done. It doesn't feel like I have a choice because I've lost the urge to find help. There isn't any reason for me to fight so hard when no one in my life cares about me. I can't even make myself want to come back from it so I don't even know why I'm asking.
But I'm in a pit and I can't make myself try. I don't care about anyone or anything enough anymore. There's nothing in the world that makes me want to fight but I'm always checking. I love my sister the most in the world but the idea of quitting on her doesn't sound so bad anymore. It used to make me hesitate but now I don't.
I should admit myself again but that sounds like the worst thing in the world. They could medicate me temporarily and make me feel like I have some hope. Then I'd come back to the same house without any kind of support system or follow-up care and I'd realize that I don't have any reason to do this all over again.
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CroutonBehavior
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You mentioned admitting yourself again. This might be the best course of action right now. And before returning home yet to set up a better scenario to return to. Does your sister know what you're going through? Is there an in-person support group you can attend several times a week?
I know it's one of the only things I can do but I don't think I will. I can't set up a scenario to return to because everyone in my life communicates really poorly and aren't in touch with their emotions. There's no where I can go and nothing I can do about the people I'm living with. My sister knows what I'm going through but she's a few years younger so I don't expect her to do anything. She isn't supportive either.
I don't know if there's a local support group because I can't leave my house anyway. I'm too anxious and I can't drive. I don't know how public transport works and unless someone physically takes me a few times, I wouldn't be able to get my brain calm enough to try on my own. I know my options and I see it like a giant map but everything is a dead end regardless.
Hopefully you'll find enough support and encouragement here to make some progress. We all deserve to have fuller and happier existences. Don't give up.
Good for you, knowing when enough is enough and you need to back off and recuperate. Leaving something that isn't working is a good idea. It'll let you make choices without dealing with all the crazyness.
I bet if you call 211 you can find some kind of online support in your area if that seams like a good idea. Even ask if there is anywhere local who does offer follow up care to get you going.
Pushing a juvenile out of the nest and not helping it learn to find food? Huh? No. That's messed up.
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