what do I do?

[Sushimountainbiker]

Im 47 years old, abusive childhood, marriage is in the rocks and I feel like Im the cause of it all. Im piece of shit and dont want to hirt anymore

[Agora1]

Sushimountainbiker, We Welcome you to a kind and caring support group/

Let us help you take the blame off your shoulders. It sounds like your childhood

trauma may have provoked these feeling you have about yourself. May you reach

out to others who may help you through their own experiences with trauma and regret xx

[Sushimountainbiker in reply to Agora1]

Ty Agora. What do I do now?

[Agora1 in reply to Sushimountainbiker]

For now Sushimtbiker, you can read the posts and responses to get acquainted with

the community. Once you feel comfortable, you can reach out to others that sound

like they have been or are going through the same feelings.

No judgements here, just compassionate feelings in how we can help you. xx

[BrainIsFull]

Hi. Welcome to this forum.

In your question: "what do I do now?" I am sensing that you are anxious and feel the need to make that anxiety STOP. That's an understandable response to the feelings of panic and anxiety. Your brain tells you that you cannot tolerate another second of feeling that way. And then the spiral of negative feelings perpetuates itself.

It's a horrible , horrible feeling.

What I try to do when I am feeling that way is remind myself to breath deeply. I remind myself that I am not actually dying. My brain is registering my situation as life threatening but that's NOT ACCURATE.

Then I try to remind myself that these feelings will pass. It seems impossible right now but I know that I will feel better again.

I don't know if that information is helpful to you. I hope it is, even a little bit.

Please know that people here understand these intense feelings and they care about your well-being.

💚💚💚

[Hidden]

You’re not a piece of shit, no matter what you’ve done. Accountability is good, but being abusive to yourself is not. You can’t change the past, only the future, which will be dependent upon what you do now - today. Sit down and write down what you want a month from today to look like, and what steps it will take to get there. If next month is too much to think about, change the timeframe to next week, tomorrow, or an hour from now. Look in the direction that you want to go friend.

[Ryanlion]

Well for a start you are NOT rexponsible for your abusive childhood and never will be. You were a child who needed love and nurturing. Sounds like you didnt get it, just as many of us here didnt. Only last night i cryed because my mom didnt love or make me feel safe. For many years i blamed myself as a survival technique. As for your marriage being on the rocks , it takes 2 people to make a relationship. My guess is you are Male, have you been physically abusive or hurt your partner. This does not make you a shit but it is unacceptable behaviour. Its never too late to change, marriage is difficult for anyone. You could be brave & seek help for both of you if want to save your marriage.

[Tracey0101]

I had similar and I always thought I cause my relationships to go down. Be kind to yourself you are not what you said I used to beat myself up terribly but you only hurting yourself not anyone else and it's not worth it beating yourself up I found that out. They are lies know the truth that you are loved and you are doing your best even though you may not think that. I know it's very hard going through these times but you deserve so much.