Mentally exhausted!!

[Xeryus2017]

Hi, I have been reading different comments etc. But in some way I still feel lost and tired. I am 53 and have been suffering from chronic depression since I was 10 years old. There are many factors that have played a roll in my life and where I am today. Yes, I have and am seeing a docter, well as medication. Right now feel like I've been through he.. and back! Yes, I have a very checkered past from to say the least. I was molestead as a young girl, been raped a few times, been physically beat by my adopted father and biological mother. There is past and present illness my family. My mother passed on as well adopted and biological father. I have siblings that are still suffering and never seeked treatment and never will. Ok I have to put the brakes on right now, I feel like I'm saying too much. As you can feel I'm not very trusting of the world right now. I am exhausted have not slept much these past few days. I've only left out if the house maybe 3 times in a month and half. This mental health problems can be dibilating and overwhelming. I'm in my room with my dogs and I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'm sure I've rattled on and on, but isn't that what I'm here for a place to. It beats alot of the alternatives, drugs, alcohol and suicide, tried that about 8 times, I'm still here. Aw heck I'll admit it to been put in the physical. hospital a few times, hello still here, what gives. I'd better shut up and off, sure hope my doesn't ring I might have to answer it, oh no bit that!!! If anyone knocks on my door right I would jump out of my hide. Time for shut off switch, I try to sleep during the day do I don't have to deal with people. My heart feels like it's out if my chest, not to mention the rest of my list of things. Anyways I thank you for listening and letting me vent. That's a rap!! Hopefully I'll check back in later. "Thanks_

[Ronkoz]

Keep venting - I hope that feels a bit better to let it out. Have a good day and stay strong

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Ronkoz]

Thanx, you have good day too😴.

I only wished I could sleep. That and itself would help through the rough times. Like I said thank you.

[Ronkoz in reply to Xeryus2017]

Keep searching for tools and guidance and tricks how to sleep. Personally non addictive over the counter sleep aid helped me but it took working to reduce anxiety too - you're on your way!!!

[Ronkoz]

But try to sleep at night more - I avoid people too but then I get restless from that too you're on your way here!!!

[Lel-le]

I really feel for you, I am 54 year old male who has fought my life with chronic depression. Only in the past year have I found a medication that has helped me recover from all these negative thoughts I have had. For your sleep issues, I suggest Melatonin, it may help you get to sleep. By the way, keep fighting this battle, even with help I have gotten, I still have my bad days ,but I keep finding ways to move forward with life. There is always answers out there.

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Lel-le]

Thank you

[Xeryus2017]

Still struggling.

[Xeryus2017]

I guess I'm just sh... For brains,!!!!! Truly hope someone had a better than I

Ttyal

[Photog55]

Like everyone else said, do something to get some sleep. The non addictive sleep aids can help. No sleep means no peace when you are awake, believe me I understand just how screwed up you can get when you dont sleep. I do that and I am a mess. Keep trying and at least you have your dogs, I just had to put mine down and now I feel totally alone a lot of the time.

Hang in there and try to do something that will make you feel at the least, distracted from the inner monster of anxiety and depression. You will make it, but it takes so darn much time.

Hugs

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Photog55]

I'm so sorry for with regards to my dogs. I'm sure you have gave him a good home.You know i'm really tired of people passing on. It just hurts so D.. bad, it really makes you think of your own demise. It's weird I tried to kill myself about 8 times, I'm still here, now I want to live but I feel something is out there waiting to attack me. So so strange, but when things are good, I worry about something waiting around the corner, just to have things taken away again. Well I lost my train of thought I was trying to convey to you, anyways I just want to live,

Thank You, Xeryus2017

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Photog55]

I'm just really glad I found this.group

Thanks Again

Yes. Hugs are great for the Soul. That's s a wrap for now Xeryus2017

[Xeryus2017]

Yeah, thanks f for the help, but do u think I I'm not trying and don't want that all by now. And please I hope no one pulls out the G. Card out on cuz I don't want any part of it right now, I'm just tired and irritable. Take Care

[TP33172]

Hello XERYUS2007, hope you doing better, have you try counseling? or psychotherapy ? I think this is much better than medications. you need to find a very good counselor or therapist that help you to deal with everything you've going through. Wish you the best of luck, and don't give up, hang in there, you will find the help you need, and I'll pray for you.

[Hidden]

Keep fighting the fight. Trazodone helps me sleep. Prayer and meditation too. God bless.

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Hidden]

Hanging on by a thread, I don't know how days I've been awake. I have to say this one worst episodes ive had in years. My brain won't allow me to shut down, racing thoughts, trembles, scared, worried all of. time this D.. mole is a mountain to me right now and so d..

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Xeryus2017]

So many peaks and valleys and canyons too!

I need a break!! I'm all over the board, j

... I don't if I'm in the right forum anymore. Oh well, Thanx for listening

Xeryus2017

[Xeryus2017]

Ok, so maybe I chuckled a little bit. .😁. That's all from me right now, I say that, but who knows i might be back.

Thanx

[hannah821 in reply to Xeryus2017]

Take care, Xeryus. We are all rooting for you so you are not alone.

[Hidden]

I understand about being the worst I've had in years. Me too! But I'm in a day hospital program that's helping, along with many people praying for me. I'm a believer in Jesus and I believe God is with me and for me and healing me through prayer, medication (even though I might have been misdiagnosed!), Drs. and counseling. I will pray for you. Especially for sleep.

[Xeryus2017]

Well I guess I'll let you pray for me;). You went against my wishes, in one of my post I don't anyone pull the G.. card out on me, you did it anyways. I'll forgive for that, just please don't force these things on me right now. Thanx once again for listening. Hey, I want to be out of this box. My walls are closing in out on the me. Still exhausted haven't slept. Made myself sit outside for half, I even had my front door open. Now that's something for me, out in the open so so vulnerable. Licking my wounds once again, just so I'm knocked down again. But I have and i will keep fightin my demons and disabilities. Ok have to stop for minute or two my hands are cramping I'm on a smart phone not a computer. But I will be back I like this, you know what it kept my emotional roller coaster ride, just as long as I can stop get off, anytime I need a break. Alright I'm just blabbering I think, back to my comment to you. I only wish I could check in and out the physc ward, it's a safe place for me I guess. Hey, it's starting to get dark and I need to feed up my dogs. Ttyl

Xeryus2017

Thank you again🎢Wee!!!!!!

[Hidden in reply to Xeryus2017]

I'm sorry. I didn't see any previous post about no God stuff. Thank you for forgiving me. I do hope that you get some sleep and help. Don't let it go too long if you can help it. Years ago I went 3 weeks with no sleep! I don't recommend it 😫Take care

[Ronkoz]

Everyone is sharing here, including you. It sounds like you are going to tackle a few items which is great sign. Many of the comments to you relate to your sleeping so I hope you are excited for new options to try and sleep is the best medicine for a reason ...read other folks entries and you may see by similar stories this is a good forum for sharing your journey.

[Xeryus2017 in reply to Ronkoz]

Thank You I Agree

[Photog55]

Hope you were able to get some sleep. Have you tried and I know this may sound goofy, some of the "relaxing music" channels on youtube. My wife found me one that she said a study showed relaxed nearly everyone. It drove me nuts and I wanted to smash the computer, guess I am not "everyone" and that is the point so many people miss, we all hurt and deal with this crap in different ways.

Hang in there and keep trying and pet your dogs for me please, I miss petting my little guy.

Hugs