Update : I woke up at 7pm, mom's coming from work at 8pm. Sis whispered something to dad about her college. Ex is going to his homecountry

[Against_the_current]

I was sleeping for more than 12 hours and i heard ringing. Sis unlocked, it was dad, they talked about science and universities and i was texting my ex. Turned out what i was praying for was successful but even worse - he's not going to Canada but will go back home to the Netherlands. I feel so bad. There he knows the language and the place, has crazy exes that are hunting him down, might reunite with them. I feel so bad for wishing he doesn't go to Canada. Is it my fault? I wonder whether i should visit before he leaves. He's losing his accomodation as i am - after one month because of being broke. I went home and so did he. Why is it so hard for young adults? Even in Sofia i don't see him, why did i get greedy about Canada? Canada or the Netherlands, I won't see him but in the Netherlands there are exes and girls speaking his language. He doesn't need to reunite with them but one night is enough. Especially since i didn't let him have his way with me because i had this feeling that he will leave me and it would hurt more. I'm so lost. We're so lost. I just can't love someone from my country. I just can't sleep like a normal person. I just can't function like a normal person. I guess i have life and my brain on hard mode. Should i visit? Is it it my fault he's not going to Canada? I haven't prayed but i just wished. He said he will be living on the streeets like a junkie till he goes home

[SoporRose]

AtC,

Of course what your ex does is not your fault. You don't have that kind of power. And don't go visit him. He's bad news. Let him go. Focus on taking care of yourself and your family.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. Tho i think he found a job offer in Bulgaria, idk if he will accept and if he wants to see me again and if still feels something

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

It doesn’t matter. Whatever he does, let him go. You need and deserve someone who will treat you with respect and honesty, someone who doesn’t do drugged, someone not in trouble with the law.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I need someone to support me with my mom crisises and the crises of trying to live alone

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

This guy won’t do that. The kind of support you need to get you through this crisis should come from a professional. It’s too much to ask a friend or lover to provide, I think.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I went to therapy but mom has to and i can't make her. And i don't have money for 24/7 therapy or even normal therapy.

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

You can't expect your mom to change. You're going to have to find your way to move forward with your parents being the people they are. That's disappointing and difficult, but I don't want to lie to you and give you false hope that they will become the parents you would like them to be.

And no gets 24/7 therapy. Even if you were to check into a mental health facility, the staff would have to take breaks and you would need time to sleep. If you believe your only way to get well is to have someone be with you around the clock, you will set yourself for never being able to get well.

But I still believe you can become whole again. You might be patched up a bit where your seams split, but you can do it. Now is the time, while you are young. Don't give up!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I'm just scared of getting old in mom's house

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Honestly? I doubt your mom will let you stay until you're old. Set yourself a deadline. What's a reasonable amount of time to stay with your mom, one that's fair to you both? I have faith in you; you can find your way.

[catsrock]

I agree with SoporRose - he sounds like a negative influence in your life. I know it's hard, but take care of yourself and cut this negative person out of your life.

[Against_the_current in reply to catsrock]

Thanks. Tho i think he found a job offer in Bulgaria, idk if he will accept and if he wants to see me again and if still feels something