Ignoring instead of helping

[sad_watermelon]

My closest person ignores my mental health instead of helping me. For those who haven't read my previous posts: I broke up with my boyfriend on good terms and we decided to still amazing friends as we always were. But things started to change. He started work and now plays as "too busy" for me. When we were dating and he was working, he always made time for me and supported me when I was feeling down. He knows that these few weeks I have been feeling very bad, crying all day long, having a big ball in my stomach. I told him how much he could help me if he just does what he has always done - telling me that he's there for me and I can count on him and he cares about our friendship. He replied that he either hasn't the time or desire to do it. But what happens is that I text him, he's online, but doesn't answer. This has never happened before. He is really my only close person and I am lost. Why is he doing this? Should I explain for the 5th time that I feel very bad and I need a bit of his support? I don't know what to do anymore...

[Dolphin14]

sad_watermelon

It's very hard to be ignored by a friend. I think it's called ghosting?

I'm sorry this is happening to you

🐬

[sad_watermelon in reply to Dolphin14]

I am not sure if it's exactly ghosting, but it's that he says he gets tired of supporting me, but he wasn't supporting me in first place. He sais I should be more respectful of his desire to help me when he wants to, but few months ago, but it turns out he barely wants or "has the time" to text me a little "hey, I know it's hard for you right now, but you can tell me everything and i will do my best to be there for you". Instead he said "I do whatever I think it's ok for me. I understand it's hard for you, but you have to be reasonable, if you are bad, go see a therapist". Which isn't what I needed. Yes, I understand he might be overwhelmed, but I try to keep it simple for him and just ask for small things like a random sweet message (because he was doing this before). My parents aren't into the idea of me seeing a therapist, that's why I actually am writing here all the time. I feel like I have nobody left to listen to me, to support me when I need just random "I'm here for you" messages during the day and nothing else. Just to know that someone cares about how I am feeling and wants to help me. I never write on forums or online and doing this was like my last hope and seeing the kind words I get make me feel at least a bit better 🥹🩷

[Dolphin14 in reply to sad_watermelon]

I get it. I thought he wasn't responding at all... I apologize for miss reading that

It's hard when someone says they will be there for us and they change their " tune". That kind of stuff hurts, thinking you have support and you don't.

We are all here for you. It's good to use the forum for support. That's what the community is about

[hopefulforrecovery]

hey there,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling. What you’re going through is not easy. It’s super hard when you’re going through a rough time and the closest person to you isn’t there for you. You can message me whenever you feel alone and I’ll do my best to help you. Things will get better.

[sad_watermelon in reply to hopefulforrecovery]

Ooo you're so kind, thank you so much! ❤️

[hopefulforrecovery in reply to sad_watermelon]

How are you doing today?

[sad_watermelon in reply to hopefulforrecovery]

Oh, thank you for asking! And I'm sorry for the late reply. I am trying my best. Still having that ball in my stomach, but there is also some light! How about you? How are you doing? ❤️

[hopefulforrecovery in reply to sad_watermelon]

I get that same feeling in my stomach often. I’m so sorry and I hope that it starts feeling better for you soon if it hasn’t already. Sorry for the delayed response. I’ll check this more often. I’m here for you!

[GreyWolf001]

People move on and that is how life is. For me, it seems you expecting him to give you the same care he used to give you while you were still in a relationship and that is not fair. If you care about him, allow him to move on. It is natural for him to not put the same effort into a friendship he used to put into a love relationship.

I can understand that you need him and miss the care he used to give you. But life changes. Do not stay stuck in the past. You also can move forward. Find another way that can help you. His suggestion to find a therapist is not bad. It may be hurtful but overall, not a bad idea. One of the biggest life lessons is that no one's duty is to save us, it is our personal task. You sound young, so you still have your parent's support. Turn to them, explain, and ask for help. They are the only ones supposed to not move on from the relationship with you.