How do I help my 19 year old son w/ his depression?

Hello.

My 19 year old son is depressed, but I don't know if he truly is and how to support him.

I was raised with the "get over it and move on" mentality. This makes me think he uses "depression" as an excuse. He seems to be able to go out and do things he likes to do, like thrifting and visiting with friends, but when it comes to going to his college classes and homework, he can't because he isn't motivated. He's motivated to play video games most of the day, or lay in bed on his phone.

I don't know enough about depression to know if this is normal, or is it a 19 year old being lazy?

He's lost weight and doesn't talk much anymore. He missed his sophomore year of high school due to the pandemic and struggled his junior and senior year. We forced him to go to college, at least for one semester, in the hopes he would go and things would turn around for him and he'd have fun, but it's been a disaster and I believe he is failing all his classes.

Any advice or help would be appreciated.

[Blueruth]

you can't apply the same sensibility because the forces in play were not around. I am referring to technology that isolates us and throws and unprecedented amount of information and *misinformation* at us all. Climate change and income inequality which translates into a generation that will probably not have the same opportunity we did. Top that with Covid. I imagine he was isolated or missed a lot of high school events. There is an epidemic of depression in that age group. So in short you can't really talk about depression without addressing the pressures they are going through. Personally I don't think you can't talk about depression as purely a clinical problem at all.

Coincidentally I listened to an interview with Dr Gabor Mate who wrote a book called "the myth of normal". The interview is on a podcast called "the gray area". The episode was dropped today... "is society making us sick?..." I think it would be enlightening for you.

This article talks specifically about the mental health crisis and teens. If you hit a firewall PM me and I can give you a gift link.

nytimes.com/2022/04/23/heal...

[Hidden in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you.

I just downloaded the podcast you mentioned. I will listen this evening.

I tried to open the article you included and did hit a firewall. Would you please send the gift link? It said I had reached my limit of free articles.

I appreciate your suggestions.

[Autumn-breeze]

Hi, As a mom of a depressed young man in his early 20’s, I’d just like to say please, please take him seriously. Look for a therapist that he can openly communicate with. You may have to switch a couple times. Depression is horrible.

As a depressed person myself (it definitely runs in families), sometimes I have absolutely nooooo motivation to do anything, even things I used to enjoy. I spend too much time playing mindless games on my phone, because it’s mindless and it takes my mind off my strange feelings for awhile. When I have a good day (increasingly rare I’m afraid), I’ll get up and cook, do laundry, even wash windows! So I don’t think it’s a matter of laziness in your son; I really don’t consider myself to be lazy when I’m depressed. I just **can’t function**.

Please don’t wait until he turns to drugs or alcohol abuse to cope with his depression, or worse. See about getting him some help. You could start with his family doctor. Hope this little bit of insight helps. :). Take care.

[Hidden in reply to Autumn-breeze]

Thank you. This helps a lot.

I will continue to work on seeing this for what it is and not an effort on his part to get out of things. We will be working with him to find a therapist he is comfortable with.

Thank you again.

[Autumn-breeze in reply to Hidden]

You’re so welcome. 😊

[JasmineJaz]

Have you tried talking to a therapist? It may give you an answer whether it's depression or not. Also, he obviously need help, depression or not. And a professional might know how. There may be resources in uni that could help, like students' counseling center.

[Hidden in reply to JasmineJaz]

I started seeing a counselor but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to try again.

We will be working to find him one as well when he gets home. We have suggested the health center at school a number of times and when he did call to make an appointment, he said the wait was over a month.

Thank you for your suggestions.

[JasmineJaz in reply to Hidden]

Best of luck 💕

[artisticcatowner]

As a depressed 20 year old, I would totally try to get him to see a psychiatrist. I feel like everyone is depressed now a days(my generation specifically).