New girl!

[Crookedsmile]

Im new to this whole website and support groups and everything. I’m just so sick of being sad and feeling uncomfortable all the time. I’ve never been to a therapist but I just applied for one. I just feel like my life has no meaning. I don’t have hobbies, I don’t have anything to look forward to or that I’m working towards. Does anyone have any advice or encouragement for when you feel so stuck in life?

[Komodo1105]

I just joined myself and want you to know that you are not alone. Our feelings are very similar and I wish I had an answer for you. I'm going to follow your post to see what people respond but I just wanted you to know you were not alone

[Crookedsmile in reply to Komodo1105]

Thank you! I believe I also just saw/responded to your post as well😂 Its always nice to know youre not alone in feeling this way. But I hope you find peace and comfort, and hopefully joining this can help us find answers

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Crookedsmile]

Deja vous…

[Dolphin14 in reply to Komodo1105]

Komodo1105

Welcome to the community.

How do you follow a post? Is that the Save Post button? Does it show up in email or always on your main feed?

All these years and I've never done that

🐬

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. You have taken two really big steps by joining here and getting a therapist. You said you don't have hobbies. Is there anything that you are interested in? Is there something you could start?

[Crookedsmile in reply to gajh]

Hi gajh! Thank you, it was very scary reaching out to a therapist but i recognize that nothing will change if I don’t push out of my comfort zone. I’m def interested in things but honestly my self confidence is pretty much in the gutter too lol. So its hard to start and try new things because I feel like Im not smart enough or good enough. And the depression makes things I do enjoy feel dulled. I’m trying to do things in spite of those feelings though. It’s a mess😂😭

[Rainbownessbri]

I was nervous and afraid of having to share my personal life and thoughts with before I joined therapy but I will say that and finding the right meds has helped me change my mindset for the better. If you don’t feel your therapist is the right one then keep searching, do not give up until you feel comfortable.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Rainbownessbri]

Rainbownessbri

Welcome to the community

🐬

[Crookedsmile in reply to Rainbownessbri]

Hi Rainboenessbri! Thank you for the words of encouragement, it means a lot🥲 I am SO nervous and uncomfortable about it lol Im not used to talking about how I’m feeling with people like, at all. So I def feel you and to hear that it help you for the better and you felt that way gives me a lot of hope💕

[LunarEcho24]

I feel the same way, and am new here as well. Good for you to get started with a therapist. I just started up therapy, and am on medication. It's a step in the right direction to ask for help.

Don't give up, and you are not alone. I feel stuck, trapped, and pessimistic. It's not a pleasant way to exist. But, sometimes I find that what seemed like an impending disaster in the moment, ended up not being as consequential as I thought (at least in the short-term). I don't know if that offers hope or not, but realize that it's not just you that feels stuck and aimless.

[Dolphin14 in reply to LunarEcho24]

LunarEcho24

Welcome to the community. Great words of advice and encouragement

🐬

[Crookedsmile in reply to LunarEcho24]

Hi LunarEcho24! I’m so proud of you and us for taking the necessary steps to get the help we deserve! How do you feel just starting up with that?

I can completely resonate with all of those emotions. It sucks to feel so trapped and alone and angry and hopeless. But seeing replies like you and others show that even when you think youre alone and the only one feeling this way, youre not.

It does offer hope. My brain will do that to me too and then afterwards it wasnt as bad as I thought and then Im always saying to myself ‘See you overreacted for no reason’ 😂😭

[LunarEcho24 in reply to Crookedsmile]

Thank you... I'm glad that I took the step to start therapy, and I'm sure it will help to some degree. My pessimism of course tells me that it is pointless, that I'm stuck no matter what, but I'm trying to not let that voice be the only one in my head. I have to do something. Even if I fail sometimes, I have to do something. Any improvement is improvement. Hopefully that is enough to get me to move... My therapist said, you got to start somewhere... one step at a time.

I don't find it easy. My mind ruminates over my life and all of the reasons why I'm stuck this way, the regrets, the failures, and the reasons for my problems. I envy those that can shake that off, move on, find motivation, and move forward in life.

[Crookedsmile in reply to LunarEcho24]

I know exactly what you mean, my brain/pessimism does the same exact thing. Like reading your reply is youre taking the words right out of my own head. Im so stuck in the past, wishing I had done things differently when I cant change that now, that its hard to move forward.

I have faith that it will change our lives. Not overnight, it will be a long road to recovery and to changing how we view ourselves and our lives, but its definitely necessary.

Dont let that pessimistic voice win. There is hope, it all starts with how we talk and feel about ourselves.

[corgi_fan817]

hello Crookedsmile and all the new people. I am glad you are online sharing. Lots of supportive people here who know what u are going through. Crooked, you and I sound a lot alike. Had issues in these areas. My therapist has been helping me along the way, I got into some social circles. However, I have had some bumps along the way so don’t get discouraged. Would love to chat sometime.

[Crookedsmile in reply to corgi_fan817]

Hi there corgi_fan817! Thank you so much, I feel so supported! Everyone here is so sweet, I’m very happy I joined. I didn’t realize communities like this existed until yesterday!

I’m sorry you have been feeling this way and glad to know you are receiving help! I have a few questions if you dont mind answering! How do you feel talking to a therapist? And your social circles? What are those? And do you like them and find them beneficial? How did you find them?

I would love that as well!💕

[corgi_fan817 in reply to Crookedsmile]

Hello Crookedsmile, I was happy when I found this site as well. I have been away for a while but I wanted to come back talk to people who are in need of a conversation.

My early visits to my therapist were hard. I think there is something difficult saying out loud your most inner thoughts. My therapist and I have a great rapport. In my first sessions, I would start crying five minutes into the session. Not as much anymore, but she seems to know how to push my buttons so to speak. I'll admit, therapy can be hard. I think the answers are inside you and the therapist helps as a guide. She is not there to tell me what to do. I have had some interesting times with her (I am a male and she is a female...I listen to women better than men). Have some interesting stories from my sessions.

I play chess with a group of people who meet a restaurant near my house. I hike with a group of people as exercise and social (we usually go out and eat afterwards). I have done top rope climbing with a group at a climbing gym (plan to go back in the future). I also joined some book clubs (I seem to be the only male there...LOL). I found a lot of these groups through meetup.com There is also an online depression support group. I have not been back in a while but I am wanting to so I can support the other members. My first visit to the group was important to me as I really needed to reach out that night.

Overall, I am better now but still dealing with some of life's biggest issues. Have some important choices to make like what to do with the rest of my life.

[Crookedsmile in reply to corgi_fan817]

Awh welcome back! I’m so happy you chose to come back on so I had to chance to meet you!😊

Thats what I keep thinking about, is how I have so many bottled up emotions that once I go to see someone that all the tears will never stop pouring out. I’m not used to talking about my feelings either, my mean brain tells me that nobody cares so why bother.

I wish it was a simple as telling us what to do😂 But I suppose it makes sense that its not. I would love to hear some stories if you wanted to share!

Wow I would love it if I could put myself out there and try those types of things!! Its so hard for me to try new things alone, I get terribly socially anxious.

It seems you are definitely on the right path and it gives me hope that one day I could be living a better life like you are. Its not perfect, it never is, but its not as crushing anymore. I also hope you find the answers youre looking for.

[Dolphin14]

Crookedsmile

Welcome to the community. You have drawn out some new members with your posting, well done

How long have things been like this for you? Were you doing ok and life made a drastic turn.

I think a therapist is a good idea. What about journaling? It doesn't have to be formal, make some lists. What would I want if I felt better. What hobbies do I think I would enjoy?

Do you work or go to school?

🐬

[Crookedsmile in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi Dolphin14!! Thank you so much, I never would have guessed that so many felt this same way. I’m happy my post could connect all of us🥲

Ive always had depression, since about early-mid middle school. Im 26 now. I was doing okay during then but in highschool I was friends with a lot of toxic people, doing drugs and drinking to numb the pain, having reckless unprotected sex and getting into dangerous situations etc. I moved in with them and stayed friends with them for far too long but they were like my family. And cutting them off and losing them hurt more than I can say. Ever since then I’ve struggled to find friends and connect with people in that way and the loneliness is killing me. But the final straw that really turned me was when I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years in 2021. I dont miss him, it was the right thing to do, but since then I just have no sense of self, what I’m supposed to do, where I’m going, what the point of any of this is. I had realized that I was always living for other people, I have never truly been alone with myself and I never got to know me and who I am.

Sorry for the long ramble lol.😂 I’ve tried journaling but not consistently like only once or twice. Cause I never know what to write😭 But I I think your idea is amazing! I love writing lists lol

I work full time at the Post Office and let me tell you, that also probably didnt help my mental health decline of 2021 because it is EXTREMELY toxic. I also work overnights🫠 Double whammy

[corgi_fan817 in reply to Crookedsmile]

My dad worked for the post office. I get what you are saying. He worked overnights as well.

Sounds like your are maturing past those friends/boyfriend you used to be with. If you can come out of this with your health, stability, and coping mechanisms, then you are ahead of a lot of other people in this world. A lot of people struggle never come out of these issues or do not find out until later in life how to deal with these issues.

Your comment about journaling was interesting. My therapist had an intern with her one day and during my session I turned to her and asked, "what should I do?" trying to test her ability so to speak. She was looking at my file, did not even look up, and said, "I don't know, it is your chapter to write." I remember, I just outsmarted by twenty-something intern! But she was right.

Sounds like you are finding out what to write.

[Crookedsmile in reply to corgi_fan817]

Oh wow🥲 Thank you so much! I feel like I have been through so much earlier on in life, and now I’ve just been stagnant and ruminating on all the things I wish I did differently. Like I did everything I was supposed to do. I didnt go to college so the post office was the next best thing for me, has great benefits. But I’m trying to just hang on for now and thats not a good way of living.

Lol she really told you!🤣 But its so true! I suppose theres no ‘right way’ to do it.🤔

[LunarEcho24 in reply to Crookedsmile]

Journaling can be useful, but as long as you use it as a constructive tool. I like to journal, but sometimes for me it becomes a way to just rant and go in circles and I end up burning up a lot of time without actually making any progress. It can be useful to slow down my racing thoughts, or help me to externalize them so they are not nebulous worries and me being "stuck in my head." Do what works for you, but try to make it constructive, helpful, and positive focused.

I can relate to your experience of being around people that weren't the best influence or shared the values that deep down really matter to you, only to find yourself eventually lonely. I have social anxiety as part of my range of issues, and so trying to find a new social circle seems impossible, especially since I'm largely isolated other than my household, have work and a family, and not much energy or motivation or confidence to go jump into some kind of social scene. As a goal my therapist suggested I join some kind of club, group, or activity with people with some kind of shared interest. That certainly is good advice, but I'm thinking to myself how difficult that is for me, and how hard it is to build relationships with people, it takes time and you have to invest energy, especially if you're an introvert. I guess it will be a long-term goal, because I'm not the social butterfly at all. I'm a mostly isolated socially anxious introvert. I suppose it would be a tiny bit easier if I didn't struggle with the anxiety and depression issues. I don't like using those as excuses, but they really drain my mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's a vicious circle.

I hope you can overcome your loneliness and meaninglessness, and can find someone who you can relate to and shares your values, find hobbies/activities, meaning, and joy in life.

[Dolphin14 in reply to LunarEcho24]

Hi

I was taught by my therapist to " raw journal" write anything and everything and just get it out of my head.

Can't ranting be seen as a positive as well?

Just curious on your thoughts

[LunarEcho24 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yea, I think ranting and getting it out can be positive, especially if it is stuff you've kept bottling inside, or stuff you don't want to admit to yourself, or stuff you don't want to talk about to other people. It can be cathartic to get it out and externalize it. Writing helps organize your thoughts.

In my case, I tend to get going on a roll and repeat the same kind of things and burn up hours of time. In that case it isn't a productive use of time. It also can start to escalate my negative feelings if I obsess about things that make me feel fearful or helpless. If I don't do anything to find a resolution to these issues, or can't, then I end up feeling worse. Perhaps I'm obsessive in my thinking about my problems and ruminating and dwelling on them. Sometimes my journaling ends up being that, so in my case I think I need to use structured exercises, perhaps CBT and stuff like that. My therapist gave me an exercise she wants me to do everyday for a week:

> write down for 5 minutes your current worries in your mind for the day,

> circle the items that are within your control vs. the one's that are not within your control

> rank the items that are within your control (i.e. you can do something about)

> come up with actions you can take to address those items

[Dolphin14 in reply to LunarEcho24]

Hi

Thank you so much for your reply.

I get what you are saying. When our heading the pen can spin and that's like a cat chasing its tail.

Thank you for sharing how you have been taught to journal. This makes it more of a lesson learned. I love it.

[Crookedsmile in reply to LunarEcho24]

Once again, I feel like you took the words right out of my head!😭 My social anxiety is pretty bad, and also an introvert, so it feels impossible to me too. To put myself out there, and to do it alone, is terrifying and just not something I feel I can do at this point. And then I beat myself up about it. I rely on other people to pull me out of my shell, but when you lose 90% of the people who would do that for you, you end up lonely.

Sometimes its hard to even just go to the grocery store by myself. I feel like everyones looking at me and it gets so overwhelming. And going anywhere, alone just for my own enjoyment, is off the table because I get so anxious. Like a store I’d like to go to, or the mall, or a restaurant by myself. It feels like I just go to work and come home. Day after day. Nothing to look forward to. So I can also relate to feeling very isolated because how will I ever find more people to connect to if I dont/cant get out of the house even for those things?

And then the whole thing you said of relationships take lots of effort and energy and time and its definitely worth it but it IS also really draining. And the depression makes me have low energy/tired all the time. Combined with a shitty overnight shift that makes me, again, tired all the time. And then the mean thoughts and low self confidence says that they dont actually like me, theyre just being nice. It really is a vicious cycle. Its hard to break it.

[Dolphin14]

Not a ramble at all, it's good to get to know your story.

Maybe this is a turning point in your life. I think getting to know and love yourself is very important. Good things come when we understand what makes us " tick" at least that's what I discovered.

I've heard there is a lot of turmoil in the post office. It's not an easy job. I understand that night shift very will. It's a whole different world

Make some lists and see how it goes. Keep us posted

[Crookedsmile in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you🥹

I really am hoping that it is. Somethings gotta give. I cant keep living like this. And I think it all starts with how you talk, and view, and sit and accept yourself like you also said!

Oh god, dont get me started on the post office🤣 Its like high school all over, and there was a reason why I stopped going to high school lol. Its exhausting, mentally as well as physically. Theres a reason why ‘going postal’ is a saying.😭 And why the weird aliens in Men in Black worked at the post office😂 And night shift is really just the icing on top of the cake🫠 But I try to just not get involved in the drama, but that means I dont talk to many people at work either🥲