Struggling Friendship

[Justgreen]

I've been struggling with a long time. friendship since I told her I had generalized anxiety disorder. I had kept it to myself but I had a big mental health crisis last year that caused me to spiral. Since then I have had to walk on eggshells or tip toe in conversations as she said she doesn't want to hear anything about my anxiety. Over the last 30 years of friendship, she has said things like that before, removing herself from the friendship for months or telling me she don't want to hear certain things I would like to talk about. Its started again haven't heard from her in a month I was texting or calling to check on her and the family but stopped because its clear she doesn't want to be bothered again. I'm really hurt and having anxiety about it feeling like I did something wrong by speaking and being me with GAD. I don't understand why people who aren't perfect and have flaws as well always picks out your flaws and turns their back on you when all you've been is supportive to them sigh…. Friendships are hard always have been for me as I'm different but dang this separation is hard.

[Mustloveanimals]

I have had somewhat of a similar situation with a long time friend. She has left our friendship on the past when my issues were to much for her to handle. We are currently friends but our friendship really revolves around her. I am try to keep boundaries with her but it is hard. It is also hard to accept she can never be the friend I really need and it is my choice to keep putting myself through this. It is very very hard to admit that let alone do what I need to do for myself. I am sorry your friend cannot be there for you like you need and hope you find someone who will .

[Justgreen in reply to Mustloveanimals]

Thank you so much for your response and kind words, I'm sorry that you are going through this as well. Its so hard my therapist advised that the friendship doesn't serve me anymore but that's a hard pill to swallow. 30 years is a long time. I hope that you also find a friend who can be what you need as well.

[optimismrus]

It is hard, but your therapist is right. Sometimes we have to let go of friends that don't accept us as we are. What's the point of clinging to someone that rejects you and makes you feel bad. Be your own friend. Learn to like yourself. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. That tells me you want to change your life. You can be the strong person that realizes you don't need another's approval. I'm fond of the saying "I'm not perfect, but parts of me are excellent!". Parts of you are excellent, too. Own it! 🥰

[Justgreen in reply to optimismrus]

Thank you so much for your response and encouraging words. I’m a work in progress…but with my counselor and day by day I’m learning this one just hard though. I’ve never heard that saying before but I love it 😊. I’m going to do my best to own it!

[Gramas]

I think that any “friend” that doesn’t want to support you through the bad isn’t worth having as a friend. I think that a friendship that is only predicated on talking about good things isn’t realistic. How can you have a good conversation, feel close to someone if you can only talk about certain topics? I am going through the same thing as well. People in my life don’t want to hear about the struggles I have so I have learned not to talk about them. It’s very lonely and isolating. However I’ve found the people on this site to be very supportive so feel free to share anytime.

[Justgreen in reply to Gramas]

Thank you so much!I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. So true it’s very lonely and isolating. I’m thankful that I found this site I feel the support . Will definitely keep sharing 😊.

[Gramas in reply to Justgreen]

Please do! We're all good listeners here and no topic is off limits for me.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

As from my experience I have come to learn that people don't like to hear anything that will make them sad. They rather pretend that sadness doesn't exist in the world. Some people see your sadness or anxiety as a burden to them. They don't understand that it's just as much of a burden to you as well. It's not like you stood in line for GAD and said sign me up for constant state of doom and gloom please! 😂

Sometimes we have to understand that friendships like any relationship doesn't mean it will last forever. We sometimes out grow the friendship. Sounds to me that's what you have done. You out grew the friendship. You did nothing wrong. You were mature and tried to have an open conversation about how anxiety affects you and maybe she could have played a role in helping you. Either by supporting you by just being there or giving you the reassurance that hey you got this! Anxiety is a lying b***! You are going to be okay. But no, she chose to act like a teenager and ignore you for months until she thinks you're "over it". That's not how friendships are supposed to work.

So she did you a favor. Yes, it hurts when someone takes away a friendship without discussing it with you. I know far too well I'm afraid. I had a friend for 7yrs. We talked about our troubles with family and relationships. We made each other laugh. But things changed. When she no longer was in a relationship and wasn't going anywhere. She wanted everyone else not to be happy also. She was not happy with my success. I tried to avoid talking about certain things with her. But it became clear that she was just a friend when things were going great for her. Not for anyone else. One day I was talking to her and she kind of overreacted to some news. And told me to leave her alone. Which I did. I removed myself from her IG at the time because I didn't want to bombard her newsfeed with happy pictures. But I was still friends on other social medias. And after a month I reach out and heard nothing. Another goes by and I reach out and apologize for hurting her feelings. Nothing. I reached out when her brother got cancer and had a go fund me. Donated and reach out. Nothing. I eventually ended up talking to a mutual friend of ours and asking how she has been. And he said she was doing relatively okay but had a family emergency. Her other brother tried to kill himself. I told him I haven't heard from her in months and asked if she still had the same number. He said yes, so I texted her. Saying it's me, hope she and her brother are okay. And again I'm sorry for whatever I done. Still nothing.

I told our mutual friend that I have my answer. She doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I let her go.

People come in and out of your life like seasons. They are there for a spell and then they are gone. Sometimes it's to maybe serve as some sort of purpose. Or a teaching of a lesson. In this case it's to be your own friend. And find someone who values your kind spirit and your time.

Wishing you healing and love 🫂 ❤️

[Justgreen in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you so much for your realness and kind words. I’m slowly but surely learning that I have to be my own friend as you can't expect people to want to deal with your struggles. I appreciate the few in my life that do wish to be there regardless and this forum for being so open to listening and caring 😊.