Struggling

[Lixus]

Hi, it's been a while since I wrote last time but I've been struggling with a lot of things.

I've start going to therapy although I haven't been diagnosed yet because my doctor thinks I have some kind of obsessive disorder (like ocd or ts, Idk) but he is not sure yet.

I "self-diagnosed" paranoia because I'm always thinking about what other people think when they see me or hear me in a conversation.

Lately I've been thinking that my mind want me to be alone forever because sometimes I have panic attacks when I think my closest friends are lying to me. I think they are "faking" our relationship and they really don't want me to be their friend I know that they don't think this but I can't stop having anxiety because of this.

This problem sometimes makes me angry with my friends and makes me distance myself from them.

I don't know if any of you feel like me sometimes and if you could give me some advice or something...

[brokenlight]

Thank you for sharing.

I don’t have advice, but I’m sorry for your pain & suffering. ✨

[Lixus in reply to brokenlight]

Thanks you for answering anyway

[hitbyasegway]

It sounds like we're pretty similar. I have been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression. I also am always preoccupied with the thoughts of "they don't like me" "my boyfriend is only with me until someone better comes along" "my best friend thinks I'm annoying and too negative so I shouldn't talk to her". I distance myself A LOT but I am thankful I have been blessed with a great support system and no one in my life allows me to push them away. I am in therapy working on myself so that they don't have to suffer as much, and of course so that I don't have to suffer as much. But the overthinking triggered my depression so that's why I have that. But when it was just the anxiety, lexapro did WONDERS for me. Medications work differently for everyone, but I would almost say I was anxiety free. I had to come off of it and start Zoloft because the depression was triggered, but from what it sounds like, maybe talking to your doctor about being put on lexapro (or something like it) would be beneficial. Just please try to remember, no one hates you. No one likes to be miserable and if your family or friends were miserable, they would not stick around you. And if someone ends up leaving you, good. You don't want people in your life that will give up on you anyway. If you don't have a good support system, make one. this app is amazing. You can find in person support groups to go to. Your therapist probably knows of a few. If you're religious, find support in your church. You will be okay. Anxiety is the worst. These thoughts are the worst. But you're a lot stronger than the anxiety. I PROMISE you.

[Lixus in reply to hitbyasegway]

Well, first of all thank you for sharing this I really appreciate your comment, it help me a lot.

The way I distance myself from my friends is pretty similar to you as you said, I shared my anxiety problem with 3 friends of mine but I only told this to my therapist because I'm afraid of what my friends can think if I tell them the way I distance myself from them, do you think I should tell them? I mean I trust them and they trust me, we have a close friendship but I think I can hurt them if I share this with them (maybe this is another "anxiety thought")

In regard to the medication, my doctor said I should take meds but I want to be able to fight against anxiety without any meds and only take them if there is no other option.

[hitbyasegway in reply to Lixus]

I personally would tell them. I think if they're keepers, they will understand. And if they don't understand and don't want/try to understand, let them go. It will hurt very badly but better to find out they aren't true friends sooner than later. Good luck with all 💕

[Lixus in reply to hitbyasegway]

Thanks again, your answers helps me a lot in the things I'm going through these days ☺️