I hate myself

[2Scared]

I don't want to feel anymore. Everything is too much. I want to sleep and never wake up. I feel so unheard and alone and pathetic and ugly and useless. I hate how much control I let people have over me. When the anxiety goes away and the anger pours back in I want to destroy everyone that's hurt me. I hate feeling everything so deeply, a lobotomy sounds easier than dealing with all the constant horrible thoughts. I used to think it wasn't worth it to be on meds and turning into a husk of a person, but at this point, I let everyone around me puncture holes in my soul over and over and over again just to try and patch the gaping wound up with a tiny ass bandaid. I want to be horrible like everyone else. It's so easy for everyone to be mean and selfish, why can't I? I hope something takes me out soon or all the feelings vanish. The happy, the sad, the angry, the empty I want them to all be swallowed up and leave me with a void of nothing.

[Vonus5591]

Try to move and find better people to be around !

Sorry you are feeling so down but keep your mind toward better life

fight for yourself you are best

trust yourself the best in you

really rely on yourself to do best you can for yourself

I wish I never stop believing in myself and wish you won’t

you’ll get there

You’ll get there

Don’t give up

Please love yourself as you worth it

[2Scared in reply to Vonus5591]

I'm trying its just so hard when it feels like I accept everything from everyone else, but the second I give push back it feel like I'm being tossed away. I hate that I care so much about people who couldn't care less if I'm bleeding out or missing.

[Vonus5591 in reply to 2Scared]

We all want to be loved and receive support but be careful who you trust.

Select very carefully the people you know

Find caring, loving and understanding people and they are out there

x

[2Scared in reply to Vonus5591]

It's so hard to un-attach yourself from people who are comfortable watching you sob your eyes out. Maybe I'll develop self respect when I'm in my 30's, but 20's suck so bad 😂

[Vonus5591 in reply to 2Scared]

For your mental health please find better friends

x

[2Scared in reply to Vonus5591]

Not friends so much more like relationships, but being alone is so horribly painful I endure the pain if it means I get attention/have an escape from my home. My life is so depressing I gotta laugh 👍

[Vonus5591 in reply to 2Scared]

Yes I know I've been in past similiar situation. Where I wanted to be on good side of this person but he kept stabbing me in the back. In the end, you have got to break free and no friends is better than bad friends/associations. Look after yourself and keep safe.

x

[2Scared in reply to Vonus5591]

You too, sending love ❤️❤️❤️

[KP-HSP]

I feel for you deeply. I know what these feelings feel like and I know I do have good people around me but there’s plenty of horrible people too who I am linked to whether I like it or not. So you need to have your boundaries in place and you need to say to yourself, I am better than them, I am kinder than them, I am a good person who cares deeply and I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect which is how I treat other people, always! Just block out their noise and find ways to escape their drama and abuse. Go for a walk, spend time with animals and just do what makes you happy. If you are able to distance yourself from people who treat you badly, in time, they will move onto someone else. And then you’ll have your own peace and quiet, and you can focus on the people that make you feel good about yourself. Do not accept any less. Good luck.

[2Scared in reply to KP-HSP]

I've been trying to get back into working out and reading self-help. I've kinda been wallowing away in despair the past 3 weeks. It's sooooo hard to do anything during the low points. I'm barely able to drag myself to work. I'm hoping after speaking to my psychiatrist on Tuesday I'll be put on better meds that won't turn me into a zombie. Thanks for your kind words, they really mean a lot right now. Sendin love ❤️❤️❤️

[KP-HSP in reply to 2Scared]

You are welcome. If you are able to go to work, that is really good. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Just focus on getting through each day, and feel good about that. Wait until your mood picks up before you start doing more. My best advice would be if you have anything that has to be done, break it down into smaller chunks, don’t overwhelm yourself, be kind to yourself, just how you would be with a friend or a family member who is struggling.

[Zhangliqun]

It's time to find out what's causing all this. Make an appointment today.

[2Scared in reply to Zhangliqun]

I'm pretty sure I have BPD. I spoke with my therapist about it last week and she said I meet the criteria. I'm going to speak with my psychiatrist Tuesday for confirmation and next steps

[catsrock]

I'm very sorry for all of the pain you are going through. Sending lots of hugs.

[2Scared in reply to catsrock]

I appreciate and accept all the virtual hugs I can get 🥰🥰🥰

[Spud-u-Like1982]

I completely understand how you are feeling, as I'm feeling exactly the same just now. It's something about this time of year and modern people.

[Skyline45]

I feel the same way and I told my psychiatrist to up my medication. I cut myself for a while just to feel something but that’s not what I should have done. Reaching out to the 988 text line helped me live to write this.

[2Scared in reply to Skyline45]

I'm trying really hard not to self-harm, but everything is just so exhausting. All I've been doing is sleeping, examining myself in the mirror, feeling hideous, and then going back to sleep. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Tuesday. I'm going to have a long talk about medication and finding different treatments cause SSRI's suck so bad 😂

[Tonyhope]

Totally understand how you feel, but remember your the only person who feels what you feel, I'm saying this to say only "You " can turn things around. No therapy, meds or any of the sort. This is a mean world an people only care about them. Stop wishing bad on yourself, it's Really not helping

[Teaching]

Sorry you are feeling this way but just know that you are loved in this community.