The reason to hate myself??

[hayrikki]

I am beyond frustrated by my inability to "embrace" or just say "I know you hate me" to myself. I am feeling the self hate intensify. I go over and over all the reasons I hate myself. It is not logical to hate myself but that doesn't seem to matter. I can not change it. The hate is a part of me just like any part of my body. Perhaps it's a vital part of me, that if I were to let it go I would be a nothing. That might be worse than hating myself. The self hate may give me that reason to live. I can hate myself and exist. If I didn't hate me, I would be nothing and therefore have absolutely no reason to exist. Maybe the self hate keeps me from killing myself?

It sounds like the thinking of a very screwed up person. It is a vicious cycle that I have created for myself. The giant wave fits right in with this whole convoluted "theory". I have so much angst, depression and fear that builds up. then the self hate, beating myself up, wanting to die etc (the wave) crashes over me. The extreme self hate is the "life preserver" that keeps me from killing myself, maybe? I am so f'd up, who knows?

I just don't understand....

[Serenidad]

Have you reached out to anyone and shared how you feel?

[Vonnah]

Oh man i feel the same way. I just have some much hatred for myself and especially my face. It's tough. How could i go through life and not be happy with myself? It seems impossible but it is and its a living nightmare. I understand exactly where your coming from. I feel the exact same.

[hayrikki in reply to Vonnah]

I wish I could say something that would help ypu. I do understand and it is sad and a terrible place to be.

[Vonnah in reply to hayrikki]

Same to you😒

[AuntBea]

Please reach out to someone where you live— someone who can help you explore your thoughts in a healthy way. This is too much for you to carry by yourself.

[Mayte]

markmanson.net/hate-yourself