I hate myself so much. I'm miserable every day. I'm stuck in a tiny rural town in a conservative state filled with bigots. I don't have a single friend, I don't have a boyfriend, I can't transition, my family tries to control me, I'm broke, my OCD gets worse every day, and I just want to get out of here. I'm so tired of it.
The only advice i get online is stuff like "look for the positives." I cant think of a single positive thing about myself. If I even try I just feel like a self absorbed asshole.
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frankenstein13
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Please don't hate yourself. You're not the problem here the other people who don't understand you are. How old are you? You said your can't transition...is that because of your age or because of your parents? People should live and let live you know what I'm saying. Wishing you peace and well-being.
I'm 19. I live with family that I'm not out to, and I don't believe they would be supportive. I know I'm technically an adult and can do what I want, but it's not always that simple.
I'd like to suggest that you be open to the IDEA of loving yourself. Just be willing to be open.
Maybe ask yourself what is ONE thing, even if it's TINY that you don't think is that bad about you. It could be "I try to be nice to people" or "I haven't given up" or "My hair is okay" 😉 And let that be a starting point.
I am sorry that you feel so bad about yourself. I used to absolutely LOATHE myself. I never gave up and now, at 58, I can honestly say that I love myself. I even think I look good 😊 (the one exception is my tummy, I lived through the time when only a flat tummy was acceptable, but I haven't given up there either).
I mention all that to let you know that there is hope! 💚💚💚💚
Hi nice to meet you. I’m so sorry for your intense pain. I’ve been there. It can get better. But I know the desperation feeling and the feeling it will never get better. For me it did and I wish and said a little meditation prayer for you wishing you well and that you will find all you need to love yourself and to be happy one day. I hope you don’t mind. Love ❤️ to you. Keep writing here or on paper if it helps you.
That to me is part of the problem. Self care is an important vital necessity.....it's not at all selfish to put your self care at the top of your priority list.
I've been taught by everyone I've known that I am selfish or a burden. I'm never picked first, when I did have "friends" none of them actually wanted to spend time with me outside of school, I've always been the last choice. And when I want people to spend time with me I'm just considered clingy or selfish or both. I don't think there's any "self care" I can do when I don't even deserve that much.
Mizzou7016 means well he’s a sensitive heart I think that was tough love in a way, he tries to cut all the fat off things it works well for him and others. that was kind of you to show respect and express your honest rejoinder.
I learned that lesson the hard way a few years ago...was working so hard to be accepted and respected...that the opinions of others mattered. Almost cost me my life....my circle is small...I know that people are going to be disrespectful...but I learned that as long as I was putting forth my best effort...that is all that matters...adopting this attitude has put the right people on the windy roads of my journey..just keep being the best you you can be...it will put the right people on your path
I think we all go through self loathing to a degree frankenstein13, I have and do. It’s what makes us human and fallible and complex. I know my disliking myself has changed throughout my life, the reasons for it have evolved along my path. I accept and actually am strong in areas I didn’t have any security at all when I was younger. these days it’s different, I don’t like my mistakes, especially ones I’ve made in the relationships with those I love. Yes you will find loves too. that dislike for my errors in turn becomes dislike for myself, I have trouble separating the two. we have to learn and relearn how to keep from the negativity taking over, it is very very difficult for some of us, like it is for you. there is hope and peace when we can find something worth loving ourselves for, then it’s not such a drag living with ourselves and allure to life begins to appear.
You are unique; there is not another person on this earth exactly like you, OK, you don't fit the 'norm'; but, 'norm' is boring.
Be YOU, don't be afraid, you are perfect as you are, and nobody has any right to say otherwise. You are 19, Many years ahead of you, (tell you a little secret; my son is Bi!) No biggie, and a great son. I couldn't ask for better. He's just coming up 35, and I'm one of the oldest here at 76.
As soon as you can, get out of that town; it seems like it won't be good for you longterm. Get some money together, and if necessary leave the State. Don't know if you've been to College, but when you finish, go. The world can be your oyster if you grab it and take the chance. It's a big world, and I am sure you will find your place in it.
I plan to move to California as soon as I can, but it's easier said than done. I have no friends or family that can help me move and no money, and getting a job is nearly impossible for me in my situation. I want to get out of here
I know how you feel. Ohio is conservative, also. But you have no control over others. Is there any way you can leave the state? I know depression freezes you up. I am old enough to be your grandmother. So I know the struggles you feel. I read lots of self -help books in the past. Exercise has helped me feel better about myself. Contact me if you want to.
I want to move away as soon as possible, specifically to California. It's just not that easy. I'm only 19 and I don't have any friends or family that would be able to help me. I don't have a job and it's extremely difficult for me to get one due to both disability and there just not being that many job options where I live. I'm slowly saving up money, but it's taking way too long. I also know absolutely nothing about how to get a house/apartment or just moving in general.
California is very expensive. You might have to stay where you are until you can save up to be more independent. You have to try to take one day at a time. The answers below are not appropriate for this site. Maybe try starting a meetup group for people who share your beliefs.
I'm sorry you have such low self-esteem. That seems to be a common issue for all of us with depression and anxiety. Hopefully you can get some help, maybe from a therapist, to see your worth. As for being in a conservative state, I must inform you that no single state in the union is all conservative or all liberal or all progressive (or all jewish or all christian or all muslim, etc). Do you see where I'm going with this? We need to stop categorizing people. When it comes to this HU group, we are about Anxiety and Depression and it has nothing to do with politics or religion. Mental health issues affect both sides equally. I'm sure there are many conservative people in this group and you are diss'ing on them when you say those things. You may be hurting someone's feelings without even knowing it. that being said, I hope you can find a place where you feel accepted.
Hi. I noticed in your response that you said religion and politics have nothing to do with depression and anxiety. I'm curious to know how you came to this conclusion. I think religion and politics affect us severely all over the world and are major influences on how we are treated, so to me, they absolutely affect our mental health. You also said that the poster is dissing on conservatives. What did the poster say that would offend conservatives? I hope you are not offended by my response; your response intrigued me and I'm open to expanding my perspectives by learning about other people's opinions.
Read the group guidelines which the moderators have pinned to the top of our group. This is not a forum for promoting or criticizing politics or religion.
Thank you for your reply. I believe you are referring to number 23 in the group guidelines - “Off-topic conversations not centered around anxiety, depression or treatment is allowed in moderation however the support team reserves the right to remove posts that provoke unrest in the community. This can include religious and/or political posts.” - From what I have read, the poster merely touched on what is contributing to their anxiety and depression, which they believe include discrimination due to certain beliefs held by people in the town they are living in. The focus should be on the fact that the poster is at a very low point in their life and needs practical advice and emotional support. “You may be hurting someone’s feelings without even knowing it” is unfortunately a form of gaslighting. We can all hurt everyone without even knowing it; if we consider literally everyone’s feelings all the time, we end up completely ignoring ourselves and will eventually snap. Anxiety can be caused by constantly questioning if we are doing and saying the right things, which seems to be becoming the norm. I apologise for the long response and I am sorry if what I have wrote is confrontational.
My existence is not political. It is people like you who turn it into politics and make life impossible for me. You clearly aren't here to help, only to complain because I dared to mention that harmful prejudices are ruining my life. Get off of my post.
Hey, hope you're having a good week. I've been trying to think of some useful advice to give you. I'm currently in a similar situation; where I'm living is just awful. The people are so backwards and just not very bright in general, it's very unsettling. I'm focusing on writing in a journal, writing about my thoughts, feelings, ideas and writing lists gives me clarity and is helping me make sense of what little goals I need to achieve to reach the big goal; move to a new area. It feels hopeless and overwhelming at times as I have to figure out where to move and what I can afford, but I will continue to persevere. If you can afford it, maybe travelling to a different area for the day and attending an event will help you meet people worth befriending. I think you should focus on learning to love yourself before getting a boyfriend. Having a romantic relationship can be emotionally draining and full of confusion, and can mess with your self-esteem. Apologies if that sounds condescending, I'm just talking from experience. Thinking of positive things about yourself is one of the best things to do to gain confidence. It so does not make you a self-absorbed a***hole. Quiet confidence will get you far in life. I occasionally write a list of what I'm grateful for, it helps me feel less miserable. Give it a try. I use a punchbag to let out all my anger and anxiety. Works wonders and helps me feel more level headed and in control. This may help alleviate some of your OCD symptoms. Exercise in general is a great mood enhancer and will help you feel better about yourself, and may even improve your outlook. Dancing in your room to your favourite songs will definitely help you feel less miserable and is a great workout.
I listen to Louise Hay and Tony Robbins sometimes. Not sure if it's your cup of tea, but it's worth listening to meditations and inspirational talks to help give you hope, strength and courage.
Hi, your message is very kind and thoughtful and I'm thankful for it I can't go to any events to meet people sadly. In my area, there are no events anywhere unless I want to drive 1+ hours. I went to the Oddities and Curiosities expo in my state which was an over 2 hour drive (a parent drove me) and it was filled with people that are just like me. I was so excited and hopeful that I'd finally make some friends there, but nobody even spoke to me or really looked at me. I did attempt to start conversations by complimenting people, but it just ended every time with them saying "thanks" and leaving. That experience felt like a punch in the gut, ever since then I've been thinking "if I couldn't make friends in a place like that, I'll never make friends anywhere."
There aren't any events near me (within 25-ish minutes) aside from things like bible study or tractor pulls. Not exactly anything I'm interested in.
As for my week, it's going okay I suppose. I feel pretty shitty mentally almost every day, so it's hard to tell. I'm going to the mall on Thursday and maybe if I'm lucky I'll meet someone there. Although, I've been to that mall many times and never met anyone. My social life just feels particularly hopeless.
I've never heard of an Oddities and Curiosities expo before, sounds intriguing though. I do think it has become very difficult to make friends, especially since COVID. It was such a traumatic time and affected people negatively all over the world with devastating consequences. Many people have a very different outlook now. They lack social skills, patience and understanding due to isolation and losing loved ones/becoming permanently disabled themselves and losing their businesses. It all has a knock on effect. My point is not to blame yourself for not making friends, as a lot of people are still dealing with the aftermath and are very anxious and miserable as a result. Things will improve. You will eventually meet someone that you really connect with, don't lose hope. How did it go at the mall? Maybe focusing on improving other parts of your life may help you feel mentally better. What other things are you passionate about?
Thanks for the reply. I'll say, my own social issues aren't due to the pandemic. I've had social anxiety all my life, and I'm autistic which means I don't talk to people in the "normal" way. I hate small talk and I don't even really know how to do it. I've also been isolated most of my life. My mother was always scared I was going to get hurt or something, so as a kid I was never allowed to go hang out with other kids, go to birthday parties, go to sleepovers, etc. I'm sure that contributed to my lack of social skills. I'm sure the pandemic had some effects on me, but I've always been like this.
The mall was alright, although I didn't really meet anybody. Still fun for a few hours, though.
I don't really feel passionate about much, nothing gets me very excited anymore. I do like reading, especially classic gothic horror. Frankenstein is my favorite novel. I collect dolls, specifically Monster High, because they have a very special meaning to me. I like some video games, lately I've been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons a lot. I really like cult classic movies, like Re-Animator, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Labyrinth, and Little Shop of Horrors. I also like writing and drawing. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you're looking for, it's hard for me to think about anything I'm truly passionate about.
I know a few people who are autistic, the spectrum is so wide. One of my friends who is autistic is very good at small talk, but she said she had to learn how to do this. YouTube tutorials can teach you almost anything. You seem to socialise well online, so that's useful and a good starting point as so many of us these days communicate via the internet. I'm sorry you suffer with social anxiety, that must be stressful. I'm also sorry you were very sheltered by your mum growing up. I'm glad she wanted to protect you from any potential harm, but I can understand how this would have a negative impact on you.I'm glad you had fun at the mall 🙂.
Seems like you have a lot of interests which is great. I guess the lack of passion and excitement could be due to feeling depressed. Not sure if seeing a therapist is something you would find helpful. Hope your weekend is going well.
Thank you. I don't exactly want to try to learn how to do small talk. I don't want anyone to like me for something that isn't actually me. Masking generally isn't good for you.
I can't see a therapist because there are literally none in my area. I've tried telehealth therapy before but I didn't find it helpful. I hate phone calls and most of the time I just feel like I'm waiting for it to end. Also, I have nowhere private to go talk to anyone.
I know it probably sounds like I'm refusing help, but I'm really not. I'm just in a extremely shitty area with absolutely nothing here. Right now, my weekend isn't going too well. I tried to search for some things in my area to do, but there's no events anywhere near me. That always makes my depression a lot worse, it makes me feel hopeless. I hope you're having a nice weekend, though
I understand that; I was thinking more along the lines of learning how to do small talk just to help you with meeting people initially, as that's how strangers normally start having a conversation. Hope that makes sense. I completely agree with you with regards to being yourself though, but sometimes temporary little changes can make a big difference and can benefit you in the long run. No, it doesn't sound like you're refusing help; I know what it's like when there are obstacles at every turn. I'm a problem-solver, so I wish I had a solution to offer that would help you. It sounds like you are really trying to help yourself.
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I can't go to any events to meet people sadly. In my area, there are no events anywhere unless I want to drive 1+ hours. I went to the Oddities and Curiosities expo in my state which was an over 2 hour drive (a parent drove me) and it was filled with people that are just like me. I was so excited and hopeful that I'd finally make some friends there, but nobody even spoke to me or really looked at me. I did attempt to start conversations by complimenting people, but it just ended every time with them saying "thanks" and leaving. That experience felt like a punch in the gut, ever since then I've been thinking "if I couldn't make friends in a place like that, I'll never make friends anywhere."
I hate myself
I hate myself, I hate the world
WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I hate myself for feeling jealous 
U can't hate me more than I hate myself 
