I hate myself

[97Bunny11]

It’s incredible how much can change in 24 hours. I was feeling better and slightly more confident about myself one minute, and now I want to disappear. In my last post I talked about what happened yesterday. The pain is still there. I hate myself for hurting someone, especially someone I love. I apologized, but it still hurts. I hate myself. I hate how when every time I think something is a good idea, it turns out to be the opposite. I woke up today wanting to punish myself somehow for what I’ve done. I truly hate myself, and I want to die but i can’t. For religious reasons, and I’m just plain scared. I also don’t wanna hurt my dad more than I already have. Why am I always doing this? I called the suicide hotline for the first time in 5 or 6 years. They helped a lot. But I still have this heavy weight inside of me weighing on my heart. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I feel trapped in this dumb mind of mine. I try to change, but once it’s back in this state it’s hard to get back out. I’ll probably get better tomorrow. But right now, I feel mentally, and now physically, sick. I freakin’ hate myself.

[Agora1]

Hi 97Bunny11, from time to time, we all say or do things we may regret. When our

mind is heavy with thought, as others have said, it needs to be expressed. You did it

with your father innocently to relieve your emotions. It allowed you to have this

heart to heart talk with him, whether he fully understood or not. The one thing you

must know is that he loves you and did not turn his back on you.

When someone listens to what we have to say, there is no need for regret.

Time will take care of that heavy feeling in your heart. Love is a powerful emotion.

Forgive yourself and move forward. You are blessed to have a loving father. xx

[Starrlight]

Please don’t hate yourself.

[catsrock]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. This is the frustration of depression and what it does to our brains. I hope you get some relief soon.

[97Bunny11 in reply to catsrock]

Hey, thank you 🙏🏾 I’m feeling better today. Exhausted, ngl, but I’m not bad like yesterday. I was able to to talk to my dad about it and he said not to beat myself up and that he wasn’t hurt and that really helped me, as well as all of your comments. Thank you again for your kind words. ❤️