I hate myself

[MasterofDisaster3]

I'm a don't even have a soul anymore. I feel dead on the inside. At this point I sit and ask myself what am I doing here? And by here I mean living. I feel like I'm just here to suffer and to make other people suffer. Because that's all that ever happens. And I am so sick and tired of everyone trying to tell me that this isn't the real me and that I really am a good person. STOP LYING TO ME!!! I am not a good person I am basically my father's clone. Everything I hate about myself comes from him. I've spent my whole life hating him but I was really hating myself. I'm not worthy of anyone's love. I'm not even worthy of my own mother's love and I wish she would realize that. She's gonna die some day regretting that she gave birth to me. But of course she'll never admit that. I just need this pain to end. No point in killing myself because I still have a lifetime of music to make. People to inspire. But that's all I can do. People will have to get the good things from my pain.

[Hidden]

I know that you may FEEL like you aren't worthy, I've felt it many days...but you are. The fact that I just read your post and it touched me shows that you are definitely here for a reason. Also, making music has the ability to heal and you want to make music and share music. More than a worthy cause, in my opinion. Don't be too hard on yourself, your words will make someone feel like they're not alone and that's very important. Very courageous to share these very real and raw thoughts. Best wishes to you

[Dolphin14]

Have your parents made you feel unworthy? Is it something they instilled in you?

Music is healing. I listen to music a lot. If you have the gift of being able to make music, please take that gift and help people.

Don't waste your talent.

You are worth something. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not.

[MasterofDisaster3 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes. My mother has unintentionally but surely drilled into my head that I'm always disappointing her. She does it really subtly. To where she doesn't even realize she's doing it. And there's no point in pointing it out to her because it'll just cause her to have a meltdown. As long as she thinks she's doing the right thing she isn't going to change.

[Dolphin14 in reply to MasterofDisaster3]

I had that same type of mother. Therapy is helping me come to terms with the damage she did.

Follow your dreams. Use your gift.

Best of luck to you

[Amber836]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Sometimes I feel like it's really unfair that people feel as awful as it sounds like you do. Not going to go down the whole "you're actually great" route, as clearly that makes you uncomfortable (maybe even worse?). One thing I will say is I'm so proud of you and relieved that you aren't planning on suicide, not trying to make this about me but I lost my soulmate in January to it, and attempted myself, and it causes so much pain to the people around you. Do you feel there's anything that could be done/said to start to give you some of your soul back? What sort of music do you make?

[MasterofDisaster3 in reply to Amber836]

Well you are right people telling me how good I am makes me angry and sick to my stomach

[enigmaticide]

As someone that has "enjoyed" similar self-loathing sentiments in my own past, I shall attempt to impart wisdom. Firstly, you shall forever be your own worst enemy. Anyone else, that you may have considered an enemy, shall always pale in comparison. Secondly, and this IS important; the only way that I have found to defeat my "inner-adversary" is to spend some time, each and every day, thinking about everything that is good/unique about yourself. Furthermore, if you're tempted to reply with, "I hate everything about me," you're, straight-up, being lazy, difficult, etc.

[Elliott_Woods]

I'm so sorry you feeling like this ❤️ I'm feeling the same at the moment. I think its great that you still feel you have some purpose... Making music and inspiring people is positive. Idk, try to look for the good in anything you can, ya know? There could be something great right around the corner and you don't know it yet ☺️

You are worth it, don't let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. I know it's hard to live like this, but you have the power to overcome bad thoughts and feelings, you can do this 👍

I hope that doesn't seem forceful, because I mean it in a sincere way.

Sending you hugs, I hope good things come your way ✌️

[Myre]

Guess what? I am not a good person, am never gonna be nor would I ever want to identify by such a lame, stereotypical label nor should you. I am not mean to babies nor do I go offering aid to old ladies in the street. I am human and so are you, we don't have the most pleasant of histories. People will be horrible as they have always been and we would always feel the need to stand up for ourselves, construct abrasive and hurtful defense mechanisms to keep ourselves protected. There is no true good or bad. I am the child of a monster, so my extended family say; you act like him, sometimes coming from my mom. I can't spite them, this people react on an idea, an aberration to the societal norm is what we become. I am not the best of people in terms of goodness but not many people are so I am not gonna let my unique, incredible personality be stifled by shallow labels and societal constructs and neither should you.