Mental health took a nosedive. How can I fix this?

[Keyboardcrab]

I am not really sure where to begin, but I feel more overwhelmed and anxious than I have in years. I have been exercising constanly, eating nothing but vegetables, taking a whole cabinet of vitamins daily, and taking antideppressants, but its still not enough. I was doing well for several months, going to school, working on my art, planning my future. Two to three weeks ago, I started having a mood shift. This could not have come at a worse time. My classes are wrapping up in two weeks, and I am virtually guaranteed a semester of failing grades, if I don't get my act together. It's almost definitely too late to salvage my grades completely, but I have to find some way to be productive again before it gets worse. I have been sleeping over 12 hours every day, I have had a headache for two weeks, and my urge to procrastinate is so strong that I feel physically ill when I log into my school website. This entire week, I have failed to attend my classes and have barely touched my projects. I leave my projects open on my screen all day to force myself to look at them (and hopefully do some f***ing work!), but this strategy has had limited success.

I still live with my parents, who are away right now, and I am absolutely dreading the thought of them coming home. Particularly my mom. I am in my late 20's and dropped out of a university before moving back in with them. Needless to say, their patience supporting me and my education is running thin. Anyways, they have remote accessible security cameras set around the house, so they know that I haven't left the house this week to go to class. I am terrified of my mom, and she will go absolutely ballistic the next time she sees me. I just don't know how I'm going to face her. The screaming, crying, and personal insults from her are bad enough, but the guilt and self loathing I feel for dissapointing her are almost worse. I feel so pathetic and angry with myself. My dad tells me that my life is basically a vacation and I have no right to feel this stressed out and overwhelmed about a little schoolwork. Passing four junior college classes should not be hard! Getting out of bed for school should not be hard! All I know is that it IS hard for some reason, and I DO feel stressed! I should be able to handle it. Most people could probably handle it just fine, but unfortunately, I am myself.

My mom expects me to complete my associates degree by the end of november. I told her that I am not likely to hit that timeline with the amount of credits I have left, but she refuses to hear it. If I bomb the semester and take another 4 months, she will completely lose it! I want to take a break, but she will freak out if I enroll in any less than 9 classes for summer and fall semesters. I am already five years behind schedule! I am just not moving fast enough, not performing well enough, and I don't know how to fix myself. My mom tells me regularly that she's afraid I will be homeless on the streets after she dies. I can't take the pressure anymore and I'm f***ing crashing and burning. I just want to work and dig myself out of this hole, but I can't think straight or focus on anything for more than 5 minutes. I feel so tired and I wish I could just disappear.

[012703060610]

I am so sorry. I know the worries and struggles of a secondary education. Everyone needs to go at their own pace. Remember this if and when your Mom comes at you hard. You can't will yourself to be perfect and to get things done. You are struggling. It's ok to struggle. This does not make you a failure in anyway. Do the best that you can with the energy you have. This exact thing happened to my niece. She was two classes away from graduation and made a suicide attempt. She came to stay with me after and we looked at what needed to get done. Still, she made a second attempt and she agreed to get help. I had to commit her, but with hr consent. I would have called regardless because she was running for her pills. Her professors were incredibly sensitive and nice. This was during COVID so it was all virtual anyway. She got through it, not with perfect grades, but made it. I'm so sorry for your struggles.

[hypercat54]

I'm sorry but can't concentrate enough to read all your long post.

But one thing struck me -you say you only eat vegetables? Even taking loads of vitamin pills this is probably the main reason why you feel so ill.

Everyone needs some protein in their diet along with cabohydrates which give you energy and some dairy food too. And fruit.

Cutting out all food groups apart from one is very unhealthy and can cause serious illness. I would advise you to see a nutritionist or at least your doctor.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,I am sorry to hear of your struggles at this time. It's OK for you to vent with us.

I agree so much with previous advice. You need to set some boundaries and not negotiables for your parents to overcome the toxic relationships.

I would like to add that you are eligible for help from the student assistance program at your school. The staff offer free, confidential counselling services and can negotiate support for you with your study schedule and workload.

If you haven't already, it's worth having a medical exam to rule out any conditions that mimic mental illness symptoms e.g tiredness, fatigue & sleep issues

You may consider combining meds + therapy as part of a treatment plan to get your head in a better place.

Stressful times don't help a person's wellbeing which should be your first priority. Look after no. 1. 🐈‍⬛