Idk how to not feel guilty

[2Scared]

I really really need advice, I told my partner every disrespectful thing I've done in our relationship because we are currently trying to get back together and I don't want to start a new relationship on a lie. I did not do anything he deems unforgivable but I still feel so so so guilty. I was really happy spending time with him, but it just made me feel like I didn't deserve him even more. He tried to reassure me that he did not need to know every little detail and that we could work on being honest from now on. How do I stop feeling guilty? How can I feel like I deserve to be happy with him again? I don't know what to do and I feel so lonely. Any ANYYY advice would be greatly appreciated

P.S For a complete story go to my previous post.

[anonleo]

I know it’s easier said than done but take pride in the fact that you owned your mistakes and held yourself accountable. That’s huge and not alot of people can do that. Regardless of your mistakes you DO deserve happiness..

[2Scared in reply to anonleo]

I really appreciate that❤️ I didn't cheat on him but I still feel so ashamed that I even let myself get to the point where I could have. I have insane trust issues since I've always been cheated on, so I always assume anytime he pushed me away it's for that reason. I'm going to check assessed for BPD tomorrow and he was so understand when I explained to him why I think I have it. I think the only way I'll start feeling okay is having time pass and realizing he wont leave me (which he says he wants but I have a hard time letting myself believe).

[Alpakka123]

Hi,Try to imagine what a caring friend would tell you. Would they tell you to feel guilty? Probably not. It works the other way around too. Would you tell a friend to feel guilty? Probably not.

You might've made mistakes, but I can assure you that he did as well. Making mistakes is what makes us human.😀 You never know, he might even be grappling with the same thoughts you are!

[2Scared in reply to Alpakka123]

I tried to rationalize getting attention from other men by remembering thing's he did in the past to hurt me. But it didn't make me feel any better and relationships shouldn't be eye for an eye. He's been so sweet and gentle with me recently. I want to keep trying to be a better person for him and myself. I think I might consider mood stabilizers after checkin in with my therapist and going over more of my symptoms

[Alpakka123 in reply to 2Scared]

It sounds like you have a plan, then. That's great! I love your "keep trying to be a better person....for myself". Of course you want to be a better person for him, but you come first. How can we try and be a better person for someone else if we don't first invest in ourselves? (Rhetorical question).

[012703060610]

Telling your demons is some serious good work on your end. Nice job! I did this with my husband as well. He has a tough time understanding depression though, which makes it very hard. Just an idea, but you've got a fresh start. Can you start to do sweet little things? Leave a note for him somewhere. For a year, my husband wrote down something for me to be grateful for. It was a huge amount of effort, but it showed me that maybe we aren't so bad off with the cards we were dealt. I recently did a little scavenger hunt for him. You can reframe your guilt by being positive and then trying to maintain that going forward. It's hard in marriages.....we tend to forget how important our spouses are to us at times. I am on my own journey trying for a little redemption. Yes, I'm physically disabled and have some mental health challenges, but it is no excuse for things I've said to him over time. Now I am just trying to focus on the present and if there is anything I can do to help him.

[Zhangliqun]

First order of business here is to learn to not idolize feelings, by which I mean trusting in them as an accurate indicator of what's actually going on outside your head because they are so often dead-wrong. This is true for people generally but times ten or a hundred for folks like us in here with mood disorders. You have to learn how to give them the back of your hand or at least keep them on a leash til you can find out what's actually happening.

Second is to know that it is no sin to feel temptation, only to act on it or to continue to willingly hold that feeling in your mind. The writer of Hebrews says that Jesus was 'tempted in every way' but did not give in.

Having said all that, the fact is that, third, we are all guilty because we have all sinned. But the load of this guilt is too heavy for us so it's best to turn it over to the one who can carry it. He knows it's crushing you and is offering to take it off you, even now...