Posting Again

[ScooterJoe]

I have so missed taking the time to post and read posts from the group. Even today I should be doing 'thank you' notes. After less than a year after the initial diagnosis my husband died of lung cancer. It was March 2nd, a little over a week after our 49th wedding anniversary. He had gone through the chemo and radiation with no problems. He felt good, had no apparent symptoms of having cancer and was able to go on with his life like normal. It all changed January 15th. The doctor said it was steroid-induced diabetes. He never had a problem with his blood sugar before. But he had never had steroids before and now had been given large amounts before his Chemo treatments.When we got him to the emergency room his glucose reading was 997. He was never the same afterward. At first he was just unresponsive, doing everything as if in a trance. As he began to be more responsive we found he needed to learn to stand and walk again. His speech was slurred, sometimes his speech rambled on about things that made no sense, his short term memory was problematic and simple mathematical computing was nearly impossible. Then slowly he descended back into that unresponsive condition--gradually sleeping constantly and requiring a feeding tube. After a few days we removed the feeding tube. I stayed with him day and night after the doctor called and said there was nothing more they could do. The hospital is 90 miles from where we live. So I went home for a night. He passed away that night. I'm alone now. It's a different kind of being alone, knowing something is missing but that it's never going to be the same. I live in a small town so there's no just get involved in community activities. I go to church and do errands. I've been through guilt that I'm still alive and anger that he left me. I don't blame God and I do believe it will get better like everyone says. But, God, I miss he so much.

[kenster1]

Hi sorry for your loss did you know we have a bereavement forum here it`s called bereavement care and share.

[ScooterJoe in reply to kenster1]

Thank you--no but I will be looking into it. It feels so much like being with friends here.🙂

[Cookie2217]

I have to tell you I love your screen name Scooter Joe....how awesome! .You were married for 49 years... my goodness what a blessing to be together for that length of time! I can't even begin to imagine the pain and anguish you are feeling currently and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved. I can't imagine my life without my husband, Paul. We've been married 18 years and have been together for 20 years. We do everything just about together. We have a radio station 929fmradio.com that's on the internet and he's the Duke and I'm the Dutchess. Some people don't even realize what my first name actually is and just call me Dutchess which I love. There is rarely a time that you will see one of us without the otheras we really enjoy each other's company. We've been through the good, the bad and the ugly together. He just had to witness me go through a four-year battle with major depressive disorder where I just sat in the dark with no lights in silence just trying to sleep night and day because I was just existing due to this damn depression. He actually cried one day out of sheer bewilderment not knowing what to do to help me. I'm happy to report that I've changed my medication to Prozac and I've got a new lease on life for the past two weeks. I have absolutely no side affects from the medication and no symptoms of depression at all. I have come through the deep darkness into the glimmering light once again. I feel truly alive again and my husband has noticed such a difference in me he says it everyday. I never want to waste another minute of the time that God will allow us to be together and if God is good he'll take me first or we go at the same time as I wouldn't know what to do with myself without him.

[blackcat64013]

Hi, I am sorry for your loss. Sending you my condolences 💜

Having just lost my father, I have been reminded there is no norm, no right or wrong way to grieve.

Grief can come & go and be stronger or weaker depending on other factors in our lives.

My therapist has asked me to put extra energy into loving and caring for myself and to consider this time as special. Rather than being the end of something, let this be the beginning of something new for you she says.

I have a few other issues going on that complicate things so for me, so it's really passing on the advice rather than being able to use it right now. 🐈‍⬛

[Stilltrying2]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you have been through. It is great that you feel among friends here enough that you felt comfortable enough to share your experience here. Sometimes just making small connections can get us through the day. I just watched my SIL go through something similar to this. Grief is different for everyone. Some days will be harder than others, but you will find your way again. Just keep reaching out when you need help getting through the day. It may take time, but things will get better.

[LifeIsThePitts]

Hey my friend. I'm sorry for your loss 🙏😔 what a difficult time to be going through. 49+ years together is a testament to a beautiful life together 💐do you have a grief and loss group in your area? Will your son be visiting for a while? 🫂