just angry

[LostHashbar]

about pretty much everything. I agreed to move to a different city to be near my sister’s son and his family, since she and I had moved in together after her husband’s death. The city is fine, much smaller than where I had lived most of my life, but that also means WAY less traffic, which I love. But there are still crazy dangerous drivers, and I had several close calls driving home from work tonight. And where are the cops then? Hiding away from rush hour traffic, ticketing poor people in ratty cars for such dastardly deeds as not coming to a complete stop before exiting a shopping center or something like that, all while they ignore the richer folks in their $50-$100 thousand dollar trucks and suvs, who speed and tailgate people in small cars like me, try to pass me in dangerous situations. I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs most of the way home, beating on the steering wheel and passenger seat till I nearly broke my hand. At least in the big city I’m from I wouldn’t even be on the highways, because there is so much traffic there that the highways are so congested, especially at rush hour, that I avoided them at all costs. I guess I’m going to have to start doing that here now. Plus the “family” here seems to hate my guts, to the point that now they don’t even want to see their mom/grandmother. And they piss and moan about stuff and people, but when I utter any sort of complaint, they bitch at me and now ignore me. They seem to think I’m a useless old spinster. But I can’t say anything to anyone about it because I do love my sister, and it upsets her if I say anything about feeling left out and/or hurt. And working really wears me out, so I don’t have the energy to seek counseling, I just want to go home at night. I can barely make to my quarterly med appointments. Sometimes all that doesn’t bother me, but seeing my sister’s son kind of ignore HER, like coming up here on Mother’s Day, that makes me cranky. And I feel like the world is closing in, something horrible is going to happen, and I have no one to talk to that won’t judge me and defend the “other cranky people”, who won’t tell me it’s MY fault somehow. They’ve all said or done things I didn’t like, but I haven’t “gone after” or given the cold shoulder all the time, although yeh, lately I’ve been pretty cold. I think it kinda boils down to that idea of “tribe”, of belonging to a group that is glad you’re there. I know my sister cares, she really is one of the nicest people in this cruel phuccing world, I don’t know what I’d do without her, so they can treat me any old how, but make my sister sad, and I get pissed. It’s just been a shytty day, and I feel super shytty.

[Dolphin14]

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I would like to welcome you back. Looks like you haven't been there in awhile.

I'm sorry your day didn't go well.

You sound like a wonderful sister, very protective.

Your post made me think of my sister and the relationship we had. I miss her

I hope you can get a good night sleep. Maybe Wednesday will be a better day for you

🐬

[LostHashbar in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you! It was a much better day. I took the back roads to get home after work, so the ride was much calmer, too! And I like your name!

[Midori in reply to LostHashbar]

I hear you; I am the same; I get angry on behalf of others.

Cheers, Midori

[LostHashbar in reply to Midori]

Thanx!

[Hachipoppy55]

Sounds like you are exhausted. Just remember bad feelings don’t last forever. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.