I've never been diagnosed by a doctor or to be honest I have never tried getting help until now. As I'm getting older I can see how past traumatic events have shaped my life. I was molested by a family member when I was a kid. I was around 5-6 years old and it baffles me how at such young age i can remember what happened to me. I'm 27 years old and I had never told anyone about what happened to me until recently I opened up to my sister. Opening up to my sister about my experience was very hard and hurtful. I think mostly because the words "I was molested" had never came out of my mouth. I remember i was playing outside and was called to an apartment upstairs by my dad's cousin. Once i got upstairs this guys grabs me ans starts kissing me and touching my privates. while this is going on i hear my mother screaming my name. I told my dads cousin to let me go and he wouldn't at first until my moms kept screaming for me. I remember trying my hardest to push his face from me and he let me go. I ran downstairs and my mom was extremely upset at me. she put me in the bathroom with a belt on hand and demanded to know what i was doing. I was scared shitless. I had just been molested and my mom came at like if i had done something wrong. i was too scared to say anything. I kept telling my mom "i wasn't doing anything mom". She didn't beat me but she scared me so much that I was afraid to tell her what happened. So I lived with it for years. I think about that event often trying to paint different scenarios. I feel like deep down my mom knew something happened to me but she was to much of a coward to confront my dad's family. I guess in a way i'm glad that she looked for me because i don't even want to imagine how far this guy would've gone if my mom hadn't been looking for me. Till this day I have never told my mom what happened to me. i have thought about it but chicken out because i don't want to cause her pain. i just don't see any good outcome from telling her. I feel like this is the root to my personal issues. This happened more than 20 years ago and I still think about it here and there. I just wish it had never happened. I want to feel normal. I just don't believe i ever will be normal. I have this anxiety tic every time I feel uncomfortable no matter what the situation is. I also feel depressed. I really wish I had looked for help when I was younger.
My name is Rose and this is my story - Anxiety and Depre...
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