Feeling crazy, need to vent

[mentalhealthandme]

Around last week I had this really off feeling like something not good was about to happen, I've had this feeling on and off since childhood. It's usually followed by a nervous breakdown/panic episode. It's feels very scary like I'm out of control and I need to run up and hug someone but I can't. Usually if the weather is bad like the sky is gray and windy its worse. Also I've recently been going to the gym for the very first time. I cannot drive so I walk there 30 mins which might seem silly, but I like to use the weights and it gives me a reason to get out of the house and around people. It's anxiety inducing but manageable enough for me now. Even so, taking care of myself and exercising has spiked some health issues. My right eye wouldn't stop twitching for weeks, my mood swings before my period are just as bad, my vision gets screwed up around bright lights or busy patterns. I still have lots of physical symptoms that I had before and I've been going for months. I'm constantly wondering why I have panic disorder and social anxiety when others do not when I'm always working on myself and my health. How is it that I've been dealing with this for nearly 15 yrs.

I've been feeling this terrible feeling of being left behind and never being able to grow up or have friends or love. My sister's have kids now which is surreal to me, my childhood friends are all moved on and they've forgotten about me, one moved to California with her boyfriend and seems really happy, another has a house with her fiance and is a teacher. Me, I'm stuck forever in my childhood bedroom, unable to function properly and have people in my life. My family has shamed me and belittled me because I can't work a normal job. I can never seem to get help for my problems it's hard for me to advocate for myself and when I do I'm not understood or helped. I wake up in the morning panicking because time is passing and my struggles are keeping me from living. It's scary.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,Thank you for your post which reminds us that not everyone can recover well from our conditions.

I have heard the US government has set up a dedicated 24/7 mental health line similar to 911.

The number to call is 988. Callers contact the helpline to receive advice and support. Contact can be by phone, text and email.

In the forum, you will find a community of people who truly "get it".

💜 🐈‍⬛