anxiety is soooo debilitatimg

[Picoultlove]

hi i lost my wife of 34 years almost three years ago as a result of her suddenly leaving me to be living closer to all her friends and family

I lost her, lost my beautiful property, my self build home and my confidence to keep working as a builder though it be part time

My usual depressive episodes became a regular occurrence and for two years now they have led to severe anxiety

I am in a constant fight and flight mode complete with racing heart beat extreme fatigue jitters in my legs, knot in my stomach and lightheadedness

I am not sure any more if these symptoms are caused by the many different medications i am on or by this mental instability itself

I have little love left for living and hope to find a new companion, friend , partner that will restore some of that, but i also know that I have to be at peace with myself before any kind of relationship would be beneficial to myself and my new other half

Recently i am using some deep breathing and affirmation techniques to ground myself and stop the ruminating of fearful and negative thoughts and it does help me some of the time

Keeping myself occupied with reading, communication, journalling, gardening hiking ,painting, bike riding, gets me closer to my goal of staying in the here and the now, something so very essential to ‘get me out of my head’ instead of wallowing in self pity blame and judgement

I want to ‘de-medicate’ myself and did actually stop one of my anti depression medications under guidance of my doctor of course and do want to continue with stopping other meds as well

I know it is a ‘tricky’ one but i am almost certain that some of my symptoms that come with

My state of constant anxiety are side effects of the meds

I also realize i will be stuck with meds to give me a good 6 hrs of sleep but do want to try to get rid of these as well in due time

Thanks for reading my little story 🙏😊

Picoultlove

Ps Jodi Picoult .> my favourite fiction author

[Stilltrying2]

Welcome, and thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone with your anxiety. This is a caring community willing to listen.

[Picoultlove in reply to Stilltrying2]

Thank you for that, nothing better than sharing, writing, journaling i have experienced and that is the great value of platforms like this….so thanks to those that started this and gave all of us the opportunities to better ourselves by sharing our stories

[Dolphin14]

picoultlove

Welcome to the community.

Despite what you are going through you have some great skills in place to help you through.

Keep up the good work.

Jodi writes some good stuff. She should be coming out with a new one soon!

🐬

[Picoultlove in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes is jodi not a gem!

Its sometimes a little hard to get into her writing and at times it is a bit tedious but in the end i am always happy to have picked up another one of her books. Her research on current topics must be the most exstensive part of her work

I think she is one of the most intelligent and caring personalities that are as a prolific author as she is

Not sure if you have read her Book ‘great little things’ but if you did not, please do

It is the first novel i read and it made me ( i think) one of her biggest fans ever🙏😊

Picoult love

[Dolphin14 in reply to Picoultlove]

The first one I read was My Sister's Keeper.

I haven't read the one you mentioned. I will take a look. Thank you

[CLB1125]

welcome to the group.

[BluesTraveler]

Your story is very hopeful because you are taking positive actions for your anxiety. My story is similar and I've been using like techniques without meds for two years and have progressed into a much better headspace now. The anxiety 'attacks' are less frequent, less severe. I wish for you a new peace and much relief - for you and all here

[Picoultlove in reply to BluesTraveler]

thank you for that BluesTraveler

My goal is to become meds free over time but with the severity of my symptoms : jitters in all limbs, extreme fatigue, insomnia and negative thoughts ruminating….it might be a long tedious road. I make a point of seeing my gp every month which i can do here in Ontario because of our excellent healthcare system which is virtually free including most of the drugs i am taking ( and i am taking a lot!!)

So i am lucky in that respect and realize that living in the US might make it for a lot of us very difficult to get the care and proper meds if we do not have some support of our employer or any benefit plan like Obama care if Trump was not completely successful in undermining that generous plan

Not wanting to talk politics here…dont know enough of the situation down south to have a proper view of things

Btw , just wondering if you are a blues artist ?

I just love all blues music

Happen to just read right now the autobiography of Robbie Robertson , the Canadian songwriter and singer that was the driving force of my most favourite group of musicians ever; the Band

Grew up in the hippie days and the Band was together with crosby, stills, young and nash the epitome of my favourie music in that 60 ies and 70 ties time period

[LivingInTheDark]

Thank you so much for sharing! I’m sorry to hear about you and your wife going separate ways. I believe that you’ve been through the wringer and with the medication you take that all factors into how you are feeling. For myself, it helps to stay busy. My downtime is when I start to overthink. Our mind can be our enemy and our best friend at the same time. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and have a plan. I use a journal app on my phone and that’s where I write letters to say whatever I want/need to whomever I choose and that helps a lot. Like I tell my students “just keep swimming”!

[Barbloki]

Welcome to the group. I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard to recover from huge losses like yours. I agree with you that getting off meds is best if possible but we also need to remember that this is a brain illness and sometimes we need meds just like diabetics need meds. It sounds like you have lots of tools in your toolbox and are using them so that's great. I wish I had your motivation. My therapist said last week that we need to get my meds right to lift me up enough so that I can start doing to work I need to do. My psych dr added Rexulti to my meds this week and today is day 4. I think I'm starting to feel a little better. I actually had motivation to go outside and work in my garden today. First time since last spring. I've had no interest in anything that used to give me pleasure since December. Anyway, welcome to this group. I hope you find lots of support here.