I've been trying to tough it out. Do it on my own. My family has collapsed over the last year. Living in separate places. She has her home and my deal fell through so I'm in a guest room at my mom's. My depression is in overdrive. Meds aren't helping. Everything has crumbled around me. I can't see myself beyond the next year or two ...
I hate everything. I don't want to be here. Not unalive... I just want to exist outside of this space.
please call 988. The people on this hotline are compassionate and supportive
And you will exist "out of this space" but first you must live in the moment.
None of us can project where we will be in the next year or two. It is tiring both
mentally and physically to go down that path.
Focus on right now, you are safe, you have a roof over your head and someone
who loves you (your mom).
Don't be embarrassed, don't give up. You are one of the lucky ones who has
a place to go. This isn't a forever solution, you know that. You are allowing
your emotions to take over your rational thoughts.
One step at a time my friend. One day at a time is the way to go right now.
Grieving a loss of anything takes time. Time to heal. Time to regenerate.
Time to go on. Never give up on yourself. You don't deserve that.
We're here for you my friend. You are not alone 
xx
Oh I'm not embarrassed. It's just that I had a home purchase lined up. It got boned. My kids mom got her house and asked me to stay for a bit then I left to got to my mom's. All my stuff is in boxes. In my exes garage. I feel like a burden. Legitimately the person I'm closest to right now is my realtor. I have friends of 20+ years, been through everything together... I told one that I had almost done it but I called the hotline. He has yet to check in on me. He's godfather to my 2 youngest and the youngest he's never met. She's almost 2. I found out from Instagram that he had a gender reveal. Truly... I'm alone.
Ousted, I'm sorry that your home purchase didn't go through for you. Right now your
life seems like it's upside down but it's not, it's just changing.
As your life has changed so are others going through their own redirections.
Some things we can't change or wish for it to be different. It is then we must
learn to change the way we accept things. I'm glad you are using this safe
community as a sounding board to your frustrations. Letting out these emotions
is important for you right now. We are here because we want to be. We are
here because we care. So in reality or virtuality, you are not alone. xx
Good advice, thanks
I know how it feels. Meds seemed to keep me functioning until they just stopped working. Group therapy, one-on-one therapy, peer support and self care is what you can rely on. It sure helps when there is something to take the edge off, but learning the tools to challenge and redirect your thoughts can prove to be invaluable. It is hard work for sure, but I would throw everything you have at it, because depression is a real and deadly diseases. Try to be compassionate to yourself and live in the moment. This too shall pass.
The meds work to an extent... It dulls the pain. Drinking helps but that's not a road I wish to travel. I don't enjoy weed all that much...
It sounds like you are in a tough situation all around. I would suggest making a list of all the things you wish to accomplish in order to feel better. Break it down into small parts so that you do not feel overloaded by any one task I would also recommend getting a copy of a good book on cognitive behavioral therapy, such as Feeling Great by David Burns.
Basically, I think that the process is to determine what you want, how you are going to achieve it in small steps and providing yourself with emotional help in understanding how your thinking is affecting your emotions and your behavior. It also seems like you have a support system in place that can provide you with at least some help. Do not hesitate to ask people for help if they can provide it.
Sorry you are going through this. You are at a good place. We all can relate in one way or another. You will get through this with time. Allow yourself time to heal. In the meantime keep posting here. There’s always someone to talk to. I’m pretty new here and they have been so supportive to me.
Ugh, I'm so sorry. I hope you find a way to some peace soon.
We're 'separated' and a few weeks ago she told me to give her some time because she doesn't want to fuck this (us) up again... I had some restored hope but I'm starting to think maybe it's because she felt me slipping away and wants to have her cake and eat it too
I'm sorry you're suffering. Maybe you should ask your therapist for a different medication. It's a trial-and -error process. It's obvious that the medication you're taking now isn't working. I'll be praying for you. Good
Lost again in the Darkness 
Dark and angry shades of gray
Shining through the dark clouds. 
Dark = anxiety and depression 
The dark cloud is back
