Is anyone else on disability because your anxiety & depression is so bad?

I haven't worked since 2012. If you read my profile story you will see that the reason started when I was over-medicated, had to wean off 9 medications & started having non-epiletic seizures in December 2014. Spent all of 2015 trying to figure out WHY?? They are due to inability to handle stress & also have to do with the amount of medication I was on in 2012-2013.

I am 44 years old & have been living with my parents since it all started at 38. I am feel like such a loser & that I will NEVER be the outgoing, independent & WORKING woman that I used to be. Just the thought of it all makes me so anxious I feel sick. I deal with "racing thoughts" every day of what am I going to do with my life.

My days consist on doing my morning cleaning around the house, sitting at my computer, sitting on the back porch smoking & feeling NO MOTIVATION!! I feel like it's not even worth it to try anymore.

I have 3 friends, but they work & have kids & their own life & issues so I rarely talk to them. I am okay with being alone, but everyone keeps telling me how "abnormal" my life Is!

I don't CONFINE myself to the house, but I do not like "socializing" or going out like I used to. I mean - I've lived the bar scene, being little miss social butterfly & always being on the go before 2012. I don't want that! I can't deal with "people" in general like I used to.

I just don't know what to do!!! I want to accept the "different person" I am today - introverted! But I was such an extrovert & outgoing before I feel like something is wrong with living like this!!!!

[Kass1]

I just signed up to this website after reading your post. Sounds very familiar to me. I am in process of trying to get benefits for it but I'm also putting it for it under for physical problems too.

I'm in UK though so its probably alot different from yourself.

Just wanted to say hi

[Hidden in reply to Kass1]

I am on disability not only for depression & anxiety, but also the non-epiletic seizures.

I live in the United States, so I don't know how it works in the UK. It took me 3 years to be approved. Everyone is usually denied 1st time they apply (not sure why). Also, people in the U.S. that DON'T NEED IT seem to have no problem getting it!!! Very irritating, because although I am only 44 years old I have worked since I was 15.

I hope its not as much as a hassle there! Good luck!

[lhortiz]

I can surely relate as my story is quite similar but I miss the old me and spending too much time alone cause me to go stir crazy. My biggest concern is being able to go off disability and not worry about whether I will succeed financially. It seems as if the small income is really a security blanket for me though I can't have the lifestyle that I had previously. I also want to change my career path as I am a nurse and nurses make so much more money than estheticians which is the career path I want to take.

Do you miss the old you?

[Hidden]

I worry about the same thing, because I will never be financially able to live on my own with the amount I get in disability per month. I don't know what I would do if my parents didn't welcome me to live here with them. I also don't ever want to go back to working in my previous career - property management. 11-12 hour days & I was just miserable after doing it the first 15 years.

I am going to make a career change as well. I am actually enrolled at Capella to start classes on October 9th to get my Masters of Science in Human Services - Social Work. I want to work with troubled children & teens. I want to have a career that fulfills my need to help others. If not helping children.& teens I would like to work with Social Services fostering/adoption or maybe even nursing homes.

You asked if I missed the old me!?! There are some things I miss & others that I never want to be again. I miss being very independent, outgoing, always on the go, going out & socializing, smiling, laughing & not feeling sad all of the time. I don't miss my job & that overwhelming stress. I don't miss gambling, as I am a recovering gambling addict, clean since 12/31/2011 - that made my life a "constant rat race" financially. I don't miss some of the people I thought were my friends, but there are a lot of people that I do miss that still reach out to me to socialize, just hang out, etc. I always tell them i can't or just no because I am so anxious!!!

Having been through what I have since 2012 it's been over 5 years I've been struggling with different things.

Life is so different & I pray every day that I will eventually find my "happy place" and where I am supposed to be again!

What about you? How old are you? How long have you been on disability? Do you miss the old you??

[Jena321xoxo]

I replied because I can relate. I don't even leave the house anymore because I'm scared I'll have a seizure while driving. I'm always scared and alone. I only get my kids every other weekend now and failed surgeries had me on pain medicine which I'm off now but damage is done in my life and failed marriage. How do you try and get through the tough days because I'm so scared right now.

[lhortiz]

Wow you and I could be twins. I know how you feel. I've decided that I really like the old me better though. I'm giving it a shot. I am interviewing for a position this week and am hoping I will succeed this time.